What Do We Do When We’re Scared? || By Bre Smith
Sometimes when I feel really scared my system (body/mind) feels like it goes “offline.” What I mean by this is if my brain ran on Wi-Fi, my Wi-Fi went out. I don’t have access to the functioning I typically do (or that is expected of me socially). For us psych nerds, I am speaking to the sympathetic nervous system state called freeze. This can be such a destabilizing part of the experience of ongoing threat and fear. I want to address this, at least in some small part, right now. What I have found both in my personal and clinical experience, that co-regulation is how I actually regulate myself.
I want to share something that supports me to feel a little more grounded when my fear feels unescapable:
If it feels good to you, you can bring attention to your torso area. Maybe the chest or the stomach.
Maybe drop the shoulders.
Maybe wiggle your feet or toes.
If it feels good to bring attention to your breath you can.
You can also just bring attention to your general personal space.
Breathe three smooth and long waves of breath.
Feel your hands or feet or some part of your body touch another part of your body.
Imagine roots anchored deep and sturdy and benevolent flowing from you to the earth beneath you.
In this moment, you are held and supported.
Breathe in, full, Breathe out, slow.
Take as much time as you need.
When I’m scared, like really scared, what I almost always want is a caring hand to hold.
The great news is that we have such an abundance of caring hands to hold all around us.
May we stand together hand in hand.
May we feel the gentle rise and the fall of our warm animal bodies.
May we connect with one another and the earth that holds us all.
“We share a common interest, survival, and it cannot be pursued in isolation from others simply because their differences make us uncomfortable.” — Audre Lorde
“The way to right wrongs is to turn the light of truth upon them.” – Ida B. Wells
About the Author: Bre Smith (she/they) is a mental health counselor, educator, artist, and writer with a background in psychology and community-based care. Their work centers on trauma-informed, somatic, and ecofeminist approaches to healing, with a focus on nervous system regulation, identity, and relational well-being. Through their writing, Breezy aims to demystify mental health and support more humane, accessible approaches to healing—both inside and outside the therapy room.
