The wide-spread impact of trauma

Trauma occurs when one is exposed to overwhelming danger and personal threat, which creates a strong emotional and physiological reaction. Yet, with trauma, these strong reactions continue to linger in the mind and body, leading to prolonged difficulties across many dimensions of experience.

Trauma and the body
A traumatic event elicits our body’s defensive system, our “fight-flight-freeze” response. However, when the traumatic event is over, the body continues to be in a protective state, flooding the body with stress hormones and causing one to be constantly alert, hypervigilant, and aware. 

This state of hyperarousal can make it difficult to be present in one’s life, as individuals are often flooded with intrusive sensations, thoughts, and feelings from the past. In many ways, their body is still stuck in the past, being unaware that it is now safe and away from danger.

Trauma and the mind
Trauma also impacts the mind and how we perceive the world. After trauma, the world may feel threatening and unpredictable. Trauma can also alter how one perceives oneself. Feelings of powerlessness are often part of a traumatic experience, which are later transformed into feelings of guilt, shame, and worthlessness. Many trauma survivors maintain beliefs about themselves, such as “I’m powerless,” “I’m worthless,” “I can’t trust myself,” or “It’s my fault.” These beliefs cast a dark shadow and create a heavy burden, making everyday life and relationships difficult to navigate.

Trauma and relationships
The impact of trauma on the body and the mind naturally creates a state of disconnection from self and others. Trauma survivors often feel a pull towards connecting with others while simultaneously feeling a desire to isolate, withdraw, and be alone. These conflicting desires can make it hard for individuals to form meaningful connections and reap the healing benefits of community. 

How trauma impacts our pursuit of meaning & purpose

Hopefully by now, you can readily see how trauma can disrupt our pursuit of a meaningful, purposeful life. Broadly speaking, traumatic stress causes one to feel like they no longer have control or agency over their lives; it causes one to feel isolated, disconnected, and alone; and it causes one to be plagued by painful memories, emotions, and sensations from the past that intrude on the present.

And when one feels disconnected, afraid, and not in control, things like fulfillment, satisfaction, or purpose can feel far off and unachievable. In this state, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed, depressed, and hopeless. Yet, it is often this very state of discouragement that leads individuals to seek therapy out of a desire to better themselves and heal. 

How therapy can help

The good news is that there is hope. Therapy can help clients suffering from traumatic stress reclaim their lives and relationships. 

There are many ways to successfully treat trauma, but I want to briefly focus on two evidence-based treatments and summarize how they help heal trauma.

1. Internal Family Systems (IFS):
   
   IFS believes we all have an inherent ability to heal, but this innate ability is often blocked by protective parts which were forced into rigid roles after experiencing emotional pain or trauma. IFS therapy sessions consist of building trust with these protective parts in order to access and unburden more vulnerable, wounded parts of us that are weighed down by past traumas and the associated painful beliefs, sensations, and emotions. When this unburdening happens and wounded parts are acknowledged and freed, clients experience a major release from the symptoms of their trauma and report feelings of relief, lightness, and hope. 
   
2. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing):
   
   EMDR also operates on the assumption that our minds have a self-healing capacity. When a traumatic experience occurs, the information from that event is stored improperly in the mind and body, causing a flare up of negative symptoms and sensations. However, by using EMDR and incorporating eye movements, the mind’s self-healing capacity is activated, allowing the individual to successfully integrate traumatic memories and experiences. And once these memories and experiences are integrated in an adaptive way, clients can reclaim their autonomy and aliveness. 

Trauma work is not easy, in fact it can be quite difficult, overwhelming, and draining. However, it is through this work that clients regain a sense of control over their lives and feel more connected to themselves, their relationships, and their purpose. It is courageous, vulnerable, and inspiring work to help facilitate and witness.

If you have any questions about trauma, EMDR, or IFS, please reach out. I’m happy to answer any questions as you begin (or continue) your journey towards healing and wholeness.

About the author: Kevin Culver, LPCC, is a professional counselor, published author, and owner of Resilient Kindness Counseling. Kevin has a MA in Mental Health Counseling and a BA in Theological Studies. With a background in spirituality, philosophy, and psychological research, Kevin provides a holistic approach to therapy that seeks to honor each client’s unique personality, worldview, and life aspirations. In his therapeutic work, he helps clients rediscover their humanity and create greater meaning in their lives, work, and relationships. He enjoys working with individuals from all backgrounds, but specializes in helping men work though anger, depression, and trauma. If you are interested in working with Kevin or learning more about his practice, please visit resilientkindness.com or email him at kevin@resilientkindness.com

You have been to multiple therapists, working through your anxiety and depression. You still struggle with functioning at work, in your relationships, and in accepting and loving yourself. You feel somehow broken, flawed, or unlovable.

And then one day, some memories start emerging, from times in your childhood when you felt less than, emotionally bullied, or threatened within inches of your life. Or maybe you remember a family member, educator, or friend of the family who did things to you that you have blocked out for many years. Those events happened over time, and because they did, you don’t have a sense of what is normal or not, what feels safe, what feels nurturing or threatening.

Traumatic events versus post traumatic stress

Traumatic events are experiences that happened to you as a child that were unsafe, violent, abusive or neglectful. You had little to no control over those situations, you could not change them or get out of them.

Complex post traumatic stress is the consequence of those experiences and it influences your thoughts, feelings, emotions and behavior on a daily basis. It is complex because it can be difficult to know what was traumatic or not and how to live with it

In relational trauma with others, we turn to others of healing

When you connect the events of your past with the ways that you relate to yourself and to the world, it feels overwhelming, and you think that maybe “this is just the way I am”.

Some may tell you that you have a personality disorder, you may notice parts of yourself feeling numb, or you may feel that you don’t really have a personality. You may experience that your sense of self is divided, or even nonexistent.

You do not quite know how to “be” in this world, so you turn to others to seek validation. In the best case scenario those “others” are supportive and healing, in other cases, you fall back into a traumatic relationship where violence and gaslighting are common currency, but feel familiar. The cycle continues.

In order to start healing from your traumatic experience, I offer you a change of perspective. I invite you to put on your explorer hat and start digging into who you are, how you function and how you can be in charge of your own journey to living life to your full potential. I am offering you 7 tools to get you started.

7 tools to help you on your journey to healing from Complex Trauma.

1. Start learning YOU. The landscape of your post traumatic experience is wide, nuanced and uniquely yours. Start paying attention to changes in your behavior. Do you feel like hiding or running away? Are you frozen in place? Why?
   Take note of how you feel around others. Notice how you feel : check your heart rate, areas of your body that may feel numb or other areas that may feel tight or raw. Notice when you feel relaxed in comparison to when you don’t. This work of noticing is done moment by moment, daily. You may start seeing a pattern. Write it down in a daily journal
2. Feel the grief. In trauma, there is loss: Loss of the life you could have had, the person you could have been, the family that could have been there for you. Your grief is as endless and complex as your trauma. Let yourself explore it.
3. Move slow in your exploration. What took 20+ years to build cannot take a few weeks to heal. Take your time and rest. Take breaks from it, watch funny movies, laugh with friends. Moving between deep exploration of your nervous system and surface-level activities will help you integrate what you learn about yourself.
4. Find kindness toward yourself. When you start judging yourself for some of the ways you react, look at your child self from your adult eyes and say, “you are scared aren’t you? That’s ok, I understand. We went through a lot”. While taking responsibility for your actions towards others, make sure you notice the scared child in you and acknowledge them.
5. Surround yourself with people who can listen to you and support you. People who are kind to you. People you can have fun with. People who inspire you. Whether real or imaginary, those people will help you build your strength.
6. Seek a trauma therapist to work with you through your darkest moments, past and present, and who can help you develop resources to help you throughout the day.
7. Most importantly, sleep, eat well, drink water, move, and get sunlight. You can’t do any work if you are exhausted, depleted, hangry or dehydrated.

About the author: Annabelle Denmark, MA LPCC is a trauma focused, gender affirming somatic practitioner located in Lakewood, CO. Annabelle sees teens, adults and families. You will find her at www.renegadecounseling.comPlease email her at annabelle@renegadecounseling.com

Also in my previous post, we explored how the Western interpretation of Freudian psychological text, attributed mystical and divine aspects of psyche to human mental processes. This was further exacerbated with the Western adaptation of the Cartestian split. The cartesian split is the oversimplified interpretation of Descartes work, the belief that mind and body are separate entities with an emphasis on mind over matter. 

I feel this prioritization of mind above and separate of body, and the exclusion of divine mysticism, has left the majority of Western psychological practice stilted and incomplete. In the last decade we have seen a return to incorporating body processes and wisdom into psychological process with somatic approaches like EMDR, brainspotting and authentic movement. I believe body practice is necessary to full efficacy of any psychological practice. 

I am also seeing a consistent seeking for and calling in spirit or psyche into therapeutic practice. I previously shared the prevalence of religious trauma that many clients of my private practice have experienced in the past.

We are seeing younger generations and individuals that have turned away from religious and spiritual practice. 

Following the depth tradition for healing, we see a major gap in the healing approach, without incorporating the soul, we lose a complete dimension of the Self. Jung shared that was remains unconscious in the self will seek integration through whatever means are available. I believe that what is unconscious is constantly speaking to us through dream, symbolism, feeling and physical dis-ease. It is no wonder that we see a culture struggling with a healthy sense of Self and deeper meaning. My hope is that as therapists, we bring Soul back into psychology and even when we don’t have the answers, which many times we do not, we can encourage the client’s soulful exploration. Could there be something more at play, less literal and more poetic. 

“When we relate to our bodies as having soul, we attend to their beauty, their poetry and their expressiveness. Our very habit of treating the body as a machine, whose muscles are like pulleys and its organs engines, forces its poetry underground, so that we experience the body as an instrument and see its poetics only in illness.” 
― Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life

Elani has been working as a life coach since 2012. She began working in this field after completing personal self-development and mindset work that helped her work through her own eating disorder and anxiety issues. When she found herself feeling incomplete with the mindset approach she began working with a yoga and Daoist mentor in New York City and was fascinated by the way our psychology mirrored our physiology and vice versa. Elani would later bring this training into her graduate thesis work and as well as her work with therapy clients. Around this same time, Elani also began working with a spiritual mentor and iridologist. This study led to the inclusion of meditation in both her personal and professional practice.

In 2016, Elani realized she had a great deal to learn about human psychology after witnessing a psychotic episode in a close family member. This experience caused her to seek out her own therapist and through that journey Elani chose to return to school for a masters. She completed her degree in Counseling Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute in 2021. Pacifica is a graduate school based in the depth psychological approach and this orientation informs Elani’s work with both therapy and coaching clients. She is currently working with individuals, families and couples in Colorado. You can read more about depth work and Elani by visiting her website at ElaniNicole.com. She also offers a complimentary consultation to anyone interested in the potential of working with her and you can book that using this link: https://elani-engelken.clientsecure.me/

Recently I may have stumbled on one of those breakdowns people say happen in their 40’s.  This must be that “mid life crisis” I had heard so much about as a kid.  I thought it was more about buying a convertible, or a toupee. 

Maybe it started getting thick for me when COVID hit.  Doing psychotherapy from home, while my partner worked remote, and our four children pretended to homeschool, while sharing the same internet became overwhelming for all of us.   Sometimes I could sneak out, leave the city, and drive up to the mountains.  Encompassed by the tall trees and beautiful Colorado landscapes, I could get centered.  There’s a simplistic serenity, and a freedom being alone in nature that provides recalibration.  

During that time I also got my first tattoo. Are you even surprised it was trees?!  For the record, I did get four of them, so my kids were included in the sentiment, but I can see the argument for a mid-life crisis too.  

We each know how hard the last few years have been individually, and there’s no denying that something is shifting.  Collectively, we’ve experienced some extreme division and traumas.  

Witnessing someone in pain can be excruciating.  Being a therapist you don’t get a free pass either. I recognized the NEED to be closer to the mountains and live closer to the trees.  Luckily, yet reluctantly, my family got on board.  We sold everything and moved into a quirky old fixer upper.  It took everything we had, and it wasn’t easy to deconstruct what we had grown comfortable with.   It was exactly what I needed though. We all have our things, whether it be sports, pets, water, music, yoga, hiking, writing, yodeling, juggling, or whatever.  It’s fun to create our unique favorites to build a roadmap back to ourselves when we’re struggling.  For me, it’s mainly in nature.  Don’t even get me started about those majestic deer. 

I’m no stranger to pain. A tiny people pleaser from the beginning, and I just wanted everyone to be happy.  I was born into a family culture that believed we needed to be saved correctly, then remain pure in order to hold salvation.  If I sinned and failed to attone properly before my death, I could find myself being rejected at the gates of heaven, causing God to turn away His love forever.  Even our tv shows, toys, songs, stories and lifestyle revolved around keeping us in this bubble outside of the secular world.  There were Biblical verses often spoken and memorized to condition this too.  Our community firmly believed in this framework, yet there were scandals covered up left and right.  

The thing about being sinless was….well…  I’m actually a human.  So, in my best interest, I created a “protector part” to assist me achieve this idealized image of who I was supposed to be.  She made sure that even when I was alone, I was still holding myself firmly accountable, guarding even my inner thoughts about secular things.  This developed in an early childhood stage where my brain accepted these ideas as absolute truth. I didn’t know any different.  And it loved me so much that it was protecting my soul.  Under those circumstances, I’d say she was an excellent protector. 

I have more compassion for the inner critic’s objections now, but my original goal was to extinguish this part of myself completely.  I tried unsuccessfully.  Only as I have learned, we can’t get rid of our parts.  We are composed as a whole, and a collection of them.  This protective part held me to a higher standard than others.  Yet, I had more forgiveness for others’ mistakes.  If any part of us is unwanted and exiled, we are not whole.  After dancing with “internal family systems theory,” (IFS) I began treating myself with a curious lens, rather than condemnation. That part didn’t need to be extinguished, it desperately needed compassion, and deserved to heal.  

Our brains are complex and absolutely miraculous.  There are five different types of brainwaves shown in current research:  Beta, Alpha, Theta, Delta and Gamma.  Whenever we are just thinking, talking and communicating we operate in Beta, which is 14-28 cycles per second.  In heightened consciousness, Theta brain states range between 5-7 cycles per second.  Children are said to operate predominantly in a theta state until around age seven, which helps to explain how complex trauma can linger into adulthood.  

Talk therapy is done in a Beta state with reasoning with logic.  For complex trauma, talk therapy didn’t seem to be enough to reach the deeper layers in some clients.   Eye movement reprocessing and desensitization (EMDR) seemed to be triggering for some with complex PTSD.  Theta was the brain state I wanted to integrate into counseling to reach these deeper seeded wounds.  I wanted to find something more efficient and effective without the retraumatization.  Reaching deeper into harmful core beliefs, and listening to unburden our exiled parts could be more effectively healed in a Theta brain state.  As I excitedly searched for ways to enhance our brains from beta to theta states in psychotherapy, I recognized I’m very late to this party.   People have known about this concept for ages.  It knocked the wind out of me for a moment when I realized:   I had been manipulated in the Theta brain state.

The church was excellent at repeatedly manufacturing Theta brain frequencies, getting me into a highly impressionable and vulnerable state of mind.  Through worship, prayers and indoctrination in large groups, I was programmed to believe whatever I was told by those in authority.  

When I talk about religious abuse, I mainly focus on the victims, so they can heal and find relief from the painful experiences.  This can include developing protection from future abuse occurring, and creating healthy boundaries.   Deconstructing systematic harm can create opportunities for positive long term change.  Growing up in my home church, greed, sexual misconduct, physical abuse, addiction, child sexual assalt, manipulation, and psychological abuse was the undercurrent. It was also intentionally covered up.   We can’t heal what we won’t reveal.  Pulling back the curtain to shed awareness about what’s been going on doesn’t feel good for anyone, even the whistleblower.  But allowing abuse to continue is abuse.  I would like to add something I feel is extremely relevant and important.  

It’s easy to point the fingers at those who are abusing others.  It’s also easy to forget that those people are hurting too, and they’ve got some exiled parts that are raging.  They are in pain, and are just human like the rest of us.  We are in this healing business together.   Self consciousness in IFS includes curiosity, compassion, connection, and calmness.  It isn’t looking at performance as a barometer for worthiness.  It’s looking to unburden an exiled part that feels so far from feeling loved, it’s gone mad.  

We are all connected!  We rise together, and we can’t leave anyone behind. We are created with a divine spark and each one of us deserves to heal, no matter what.  Sometimes it can include accountability too.  But the belief that we are unforgivable is an inner critic convincing us that this too must be earned.  

Since we are the sum of our parts, we do a disservice to ourselves and others by getting tunnel vision about these isolated parts becoming our sole identity. When a difficult or exiled part resurfaces, it could be considered a soul invitation. Maybe we are spiritual beings having a human experience after all. We could be prompted to incorporate some shadow work, so that we can achieve a deeper wholeness within ourselves, which spreads into connection with others. 

I’m not sure we really have a clue how much potential there is to rebuild.  We are collectively participating in an evolution as humans, and I think we’re ready for more connection.  

As clinicians it’s exciting to lean forward into new discovery, which includes opening up the possibilities for alternative medicine practices.  For me, it means introducing at-home Ketamine treatments for clients to utilize during psychotherapy.  I believe we can safely use this dissociative anesthetic to reach higher consciousness while processing complex trauma, and recreate Theta brain states for deeper  healing potential.  Practiced in indigenous ceremonies, plant medicine has been incorporated into healing for ages.   Implementing Theta brain waves should be a sacred space created where YOU are in charge of your opportunity to evolve as an individual.  Please be wary of anyone asking you for something in a heightened and impressional consciousness state.  

I’ve enjoyed learning through research about the benefits of clinical journeying, but I would like to try it for myself before I begin using it with any clients.  So, I’m going to be taking this month to finish training, and participate in some journeys myself. At this moment, I recognize, I don’t know what I don’t know.   I’m also willing to find out more of what that means.  I’ll be back to share more of the experiences.

New possibilities blooming with Awakened Lotus Counseling July 2022! 

Laura is a mental health therapist who runs a private practice in Evergreen, Colorado and claims to be the #2 tree hugger in the city. Laura’s specialty is focusing on rebuilding after trauma, and gaining self-acceptance through an Internal Family Systems model (bridging clinical counseling with ancient spiritual wisdom.) She graduated with her masters degree from Regis University with honors, and is finishing a four year shamanic apprenticeship. To contact her for a session, visit her website www.AwakenedLotusCounseling.com or text 303-747-3467.

Exposed writing is both terrifying and exciting.  It’s not typically my cup of tea, so I have been surprised at just how much I’m enjoying it.  There’s a part of me that feels like my time is already stretched too thin and I should stay in my lane.  Another part of me wakes up and feels so alive again, being able to engage with my passion.  A deeper drive resides within me around discussing religion through a psychological lens.  There’s a rich story of who I am, based comparatively on who I once was.  My passion was once my poison.  

Notably, sharing so personally reignites painful religious memories.  I grew up in a fundamentalist religious bubble.  Writing gives me an artistic voice to share what I’ve learned and give it some value, rather than hiding the pain.  Expression and creativity seem to bring back that spark for life. I’ve noticed when I go through low points, I’m inactive in those areas.  Maybe that’s also a key to balance; as is sarcasm and chocolate.  

Growing up, my engagement with religion felt like living in hell. I needed to adhere to the doctrine of salvation and lead a pure life to get my eternal reward.  It was mostly fear driven. As a kid, our church hosted “Hell House” during Halloween. There were several rooms acting out spiritual warfare. We displayed theatrical productions of evil demons collaborating with homosexuals, addicts, and other Biblical outcasts.  Demons danced in delight around an operating table, while Satan stood over a young girl’s head during a staged abortion. At my private Christian school, we were shown videos programming students to view the secular world as dangerous.  It was “us versus them.” We were trained in intolerance.  

Translating these memories through my current therapeutic lens of psychological abuse brings up tremendous grief.  Through a mother’s lens, I recognize how casting demons out of young children and provoking fear of God to create obedience was cruel. 

I didn’t understand why I struggled with self hate.  It makes more sense to me under the circumstances now.  That raging inner critic thought it was “loving me” by punishing me, but it was also pushing away any compassion I could offer myself. 

The part of religion I dearly miss is the community and that deep sense of belonging.  It’s frightening to step out of what’s comfortable and safe.   But sometimes, that is what it takes. I realize others who have left their harmful religion or cult have felt isolated too.  I’d like to quickly specify a difference between religion and spirituality.  Religion is a specific set of organized beliefs and practices.  You can be religious, but not spiritual; or spiritual, but not religious.  Spirituality involves connecting, or re-connecting with oneself.  Engagement will be different for each of us.  Spirituality allows for adaptation. 

Losing religion can extinguish any sort of desire to re-engage with faith at times.  But that faith can be reimagined to become more personalized and powerful as we evolve too.  Maybe we surrender.  Admitting we hold only a few pieces of this puzzle, we can enjoy “going with the flow.”  Since everything constantly changes and experiences are fleeting, flexibility is essential.  To me, it’s how we hold the balance within the seasons; how we exercise the adaptable parts of ourselves in accordance with the sun or storm.  

Mixing counseling and shamanism is a fun recipe!  In a recent energy healing class, the instructor shared that she achieved spiritual enlightenment through meditation.  My spiritual growth often looks like brutal lessons driven by a MAC truck before another personal recalibration occurs (and being a four on the Enneagram reveals my dance with the dark side may be a little more flirtatious). 

There are perks of rebuilding after trauma.  It’s incredibly healing to reclaim that personal power.  After being captive, coming home to yourself feels foreign at first.  Post-traumatic growth can include several layers of healing. It also unlocks a magnitude of freedom, which could never have been experienced without the storm. 

Walking away from harmful root conditioning affords you a new lease on life. You start to recognize you’ve always been the author of your life and grab your pen back.  Everyone will have a different answer, so investigate who YOU are. Invest in your own unique awakening.  

Don’t allow anyone else to author your pages.

Laura is a mental health therapist who runs a private practice in Evergreen, Colorado and claims to be the #2 tree hugger in the city. Laura’s specialty is focusing on rebuilding after trauma, and gaining self-acceptance through an Internal Family Systems model (bridging clinical counseling with ancient spiritual wisdom.) She graduated with her masters degree from Regis University with honors, and is finishing a four year shamanic apprenticeship. To contact her for a session, visit her website www.AwakenedLotusCounseling.com or text 303-747-3467.

What can you expect to pay?
Payment for therapy can look a variety of ways. First thing to consider, do you have health insurance? If so, give your insurance company a call and see if they cover therapy sessions. If so, you can do an online search for therapists within your coverage network. Psychology Today is a great resource as you can filter therapists by the types of insurance they accept. You can also ask if your insurance will reimburse for out-of-network treatment. Many insurance carriers will reimburse up to a certain percentage of what you pay out of pocket.

That brings us to private pay. Many therapists choose to take private pay. When therapists do work with insurance, they may have to provide a diagnosis, even when they don’t believe one to be warranted. The insurance company may then want to restrict treatment time based on the diagnosis provided. With private pay, everything remains confidential between yourself and your therapist.

If you’re paying out of pocket, what can you expect to pay? Therapists will share their session rate with you upfront and in Colorado, you will typically see session rates ranging from $60-$200 per session. Session pricing often varies based on session length, the therapists experience level and type of therapy.
Seem like a big financial commitment? There are many resources to find affordable therapy. I am partial to People House’s Affordable Counseling Program (ACP) as this is where I did my own internship. The ACP at People’s House offers counseling on a sliding scale for $20-$50/session. These therapists are all currently in a Master’s program and are supervised by experienced therapists.

What type of therapy should you do? Now this is a great question! There are many modalities of therapy, and I would need multiple blog posts to even begin to cover them all. For the purpose of brevity, I will cover three main bodies of therapy that all have many subset specialties but you can always ask a potential therapist to share what orientation they use and why.

Talk therapy– This is probably what the majority of us think about when we think of therapy. This approach uses conversation and reflection as a tool to explore beliefs, emotions, personal content and history. Most therapists will utilize talk therapy to some extent. One of the major orientations in talk therapy is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. CBT has become increasing popular in the West because it is clinically measurable. CBT utilizes the understanding that our thoughts or cognition create action so when we shift negative or maladaptive thought, we can shift behavior.
Somatic Therapy– Soma or body therapy has gained popularity over the years as the therapeutic field has begun to understand the relationship between mind and body, particularly in the case of trauma. We now know that in traumatic situations the body has a fight, flight or freeze response and this happens in a part of the brain that talk therapy cannot as easily access. Somatic interventions are particularly helpful in helping reset the nervous system and brain after traumatic instances or histories. You might see somatic interventions called Somatic Experiencing, EMDR and brainspotting.
Many therapists may specialize in or have certifications in other therapeutic approaches such as hypnotherapy, exposure therapy, internal family systems or expressive arts therapy. I have experienced many of these types of therapies and truly find value and insight in all of them.
Finding a therapist– your friends and family are a great place to start. Perhaps you know someone that has been seeing a therapist they love, ask them for a referral. I mentioned Psychology Today earlier, this is a directory that can filter therapists based on age, modality, payment options, insurance, and specialty. People House! We offer a great directory of skilled practitioners from a variety of orientations and price points.
Pro Tip: in your search it is important to remember that you are the expert in your healing and growth journey. There are so many different therapists with varied cultural backgrounds, educations, and specialties. Most therapists offer a complimentary consultation so I would recommend choosing 2-3 potentials and setting up consults. Then go with your gut! Choose the person that you with resonate with and off you go on your therapy journey.

Elani has been working as a life coach since 2012. She began working in this field after completing personal self-development and mindset work that helped her work through her own eating disorder and anxiety issues. When she found herself feeling incomplete with the mindset approach she began working with a yoga and Daoist mentor in New York City and was fascinated by the way our psychology mirrored our physiology and vice versa. Elani would later bring this training into her graduate thesis work and as well as her work with therapy clients. Around this same time, Elani also began working with a spiritual mentor and iridologist. This study led to the inclusion of meditation in both her personal and professional practice.

In 2016, Elani realized she had a great deal to learn about human psychology after witnessing a psychotic episode in a close family member. This experience caused her to seek out her own therapist and through that journey Elani chose to return to school for a masters. She completed her degree in Counseling Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute in 2021. Pacifica is a graduate school based in the depth psychological approach and this orientation informs Elani’s work with both therapy and coaching clients. She is currently working with individuals, families and couples in Colorado. You can read more about depth work and Elani by visiting her website at ElaniNicole.com. She also offers a complimentary consultation to anyone interested in the potential of working with her and you can book that using this link: https://elani-engelken.clientsecure.me/

This is a time of my life I have been dreading for over sixteen years. The nostalgia of meeting my newborn son for the first time was breathtaking and magical. I wanted to live in that moment forever.
A sigh of utter sadness also came when I realized one day, he’ll start growing up. Someday must let go. That delicious little newborn is right on schedule, pushing for his independence, and I’m right on schedule grabbing the Kleenex boxes.

Teenage years also bring up waves of memories for me. My brother, who is also raising teenagers, had a different viewpoint of our childhood. He spoke mainly of only positive memories and eliminated a lot of the painful ones. I, on the other hand, saw mostly the suffering. A decade has probably passed since our last argument discussing our opposing perceptions of how we were raised. The dust had settled.

Having kids sometimes causes me to recall things that happened at a similar age, and I look at them through an adult lens now. For the first time, I really felt angry towards my brother, instead of our parents. I accidentally tripped and fell on top of restless frustration with him, feeling betrayed as his sister.

Part of me wonders if I held onto the dark memories longer to not only protect myself from more, but also competed to be right and to prove it (maybe older sisters love being right). Letting that go of that created space for compassion. I really felt devastated for what he had been through, not just with our parents but with me too. I recognized how hard must have been on him. That little brother of mine had been carrying the same trauma, but differently all these years. He was basically expected to be the forefront of the family: Move along. Nothing to see here…

Wearing his trauma was exercised in the avoidance of anything provoking that part who remembered. When I realized this, my harsh judgment seemed to fizzle and faded into appreciation and gratitude.

Based on our childhood, our first inner critics developed from the same ingredients. Inner critics love to mimic the worst abuse or bullying we’ve ever heard. They pump the level up a bit and budget for a safety net. So, I knew his was probably intense and cruel too. But there is no pretending with trauma. There are just different ways to process through it. When we turn a blind eye to our awareness, we cloud up our own intuition and fullness. It’s in being authentic with ourselves that we find the road that leads to our wholeness.

If we sugar coat or disguise our unwanted parts, we can harm ourselves by repressing those unwanted traits. Ultimately, we’re the ones who have the internal map. We ALL have both dark and light parts and cannot heal what we’re unwilling to open to. Shadow work in “Internal Family Systems” (IFS) allows us to embrace our light and dark sides with clarity. The IFS theoretical framework suggests that we all develop these living parts in ourselves and operate as a system. Through each of these sub personalities or “parts”, we navigate the world adding in help from “managers” and “firefighters” to preserve and protect us.

In shamanism, a soul retrieval would be a comparable description. The practitioner finds lost parts of the soul and brings their essence back to the whole. In IFS, we want to un-blend with the “I am” statements that identify us as the part. Being spiritual isn’t about being pure or good, it’s about self-actualization and acceptance.

Some of our parts are formed in preverbal stages and some hide themselves, protecting pain that’s too difficult to acknowledge. Some of our parts are rock stars and work extremely efficiently with us.
We feel balanced when each of our parts (sub personalities) are allowed to be seen with curiosity and a desire for clarity, rather than resistance. The best part about IFS, which makes me want to sing blissfully from a mountaintop, is that there are NO bad parts.

We can choose to perceive good or bad in our parts, but the importance doesn’t lie with their presentation or performance. It is underneath the appearance. We’re searching for their intention. When a part gets frozen in trauma or intense pain, it builds a belief system based on the experience in that past time and framework. It made sense at that time and developmental stage. To them, recreating a chaotic scene may feel just like home. We don’t need to fix the part but just need to listen.

Recently, a colleague shared about a pediatric burn unit in the ICU. There were children burned severely by their parents. While in treatment for their burns, they would cry out for their parent who hurt them. That part wasn’t looking through a lens of what was right or wrong, it was looking desperately for connection in a time of crisis. We create “managers” to maintain a sense of safety and protection for our parts. If managers had a social media account, their hashtag would be #NeverAgain.

Releasing the competition with my brother allowed me to notice his “managers” were never in any denial. They were working overtime to protect him and the exiled part suffering. He internalized the pain and I externalized it. If a part is unwanted, it becomes an “exile.” If an exiled part is exposed after all the hard work the managers have done, it escalates to the top level.

As a last resort, we have another helper referred to as a “firefighter” in IFS. Firefighters are the parts of us that strive to lessen the pain immediately and sometimes disregard any consequences. Firefighters put out the anguish by any means necessary to soothe. The cost to numb the excruciating pain isn’t relative, it’s reactive in the moment to protect. Firefighters support by trying to make us feel better us with alcohol, sex, drugs, dissociation, suicidal ideation, extreme religion, running away, etc.
Sometimes they also take our lives.

It a little fun to imagine yourself as the driver in IFS. You’re the one running the adventure and each of these parts you embody are like the vehicle you’re driving at the time. Some of those carry more baggage than others and take up more space. The driver, or the observer, represents the Self, or the Cell as it’s referred to in IFS. In shamanism, this would be the soul. We can’t get rid of any our parts. We are made up of them and they’re ours, for better or for worse. The more we try to hide one, the bigger it gets to receive our attention. Since we can’t eliminate them, we make peace with them. We wouldn’t want to eliminate them either because they also hold great strengths.

Empowerment comes from validation and acknowledgment of the intentions of these parts. Changes happen organically when there is gratitude and acceptance. Being seen and having an expression is their desire. Recalibrating your mind to question what your parts are trying to do FOR you, and not TO you is the groundwork. Maybe IFS is like Unitarianism for your brain. All roads lead back home. You can’t get it wrong, because eventually we all recognize we have the power to heal ourselves.

Laura is a mental health therapist who runs a private practice in Evergreen, Colorado and claims to be the #2 tree hugger in the city. Laura’s specialty is focusing on rebuilding after trauma, and gaining self-acceptance through an Internal Family Systems model (bridging clinical counseling with ancient spiritual wisdom.) She graduated with her masters degree from Regis University with honors, and is finishing a four year shamanic apprenticeship. To contact her for a session, visit her website www.AwakenedLotusCounseling.com or text 303-747-3467.

Here’s what happened – we’ve all been through a collective trauma and for some of us that trauma hit very close to home and became personal trauma. There has been little to no guidance for any of us though, on how to begin the healing process in order to transition back to our NEW normal. Because the truth is that nothing will ever be the same for any of us again. This experience has changed us and now it is so important to become grounded so we can process our feelings, integrate the experience so we can learn and grow from it and in doing so, boost our individual and collective resilience. 

What is grounding? Mindfulness is the practice of staying present to whatever is happening in the moment without judgement and grounding is the process of helping our bodies and mind stay in that present moment. Grounding helps us come back in to our bodies when we’ve lost touch with the here and now and our thoughts create fear and anxiety in us.  What does being ungrounded feel like? In her new book “Tending to the Sacred”, Ashley River Brant describes being ungrounded as when “we are unfocused, easily distracted, anxious, disconnected from feeling pleasure…” These states of being ungrounded can manifest in each of us in any number of ways including:

• Dizziness, feeling spaced out, light headed or a floaty feeling
• Having difficulty concentrating
• Forgetfulness, forgetting appointments or other important things
• Misplacing or losing things
• Feeling generally unwell, totally lacking energy, waking up feeling tired and drained
• Continually daydreaming
• Having increased sensitivity to light and noise
• Feeling over stimulated and jittery
• Bumping into things or other general feelings of clumsiness
• Getting lost while driving, even when you have a GPS, you just can’t seem to go the right way, even when the area is quite familiar to you.
• Having out of body experiences without meaning to and feeling that they are not within your control
• Being unable to carry on a normal conversation, including losing track of what you were saying

The antidote to all these uncomfortable experiences is to get grounded! “The practice of grounding is to bring our energy back down into our bodies and the Earth, creating roots that anchor us in this physical reality. When you are grounded, you are present and rooted in your being, as well as connected to the essence of who you are and how you are authentically aligned to show up in the world” explains Brant.  She recommends a daily grounding practice that she suggests “can strengthen intuition, maintain healthy boundaries, fortify the aura, balance emotional energy, promote clarity, build confidence, reduce stress and anxiety, help you sleep, boost motivation affirm your purpose and trust and even cultivate better posture as you stand more rooted in yourself”. 

There are many ways to practice grounding but the most fundamental is to breathe. Breathing, slowly, deeply, mindfully signals to our brains that we aren’t actually in danger and allows us to come back to our bodies in a way that feels safe. Using our five senses is a powerful and researched-supported way to foster this sense of safety and groundedness too.  Try this 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise: slowly and deliberately place your feet firmly on the ground and breathe; intentionally and steadily. Then, using your gift of sight, describe five things you see in the room you are in right now. (for example, “I see my dog snoozing and my house plants, etc.”). Next, name four things you can feel (“my feet on the floor” or “the air in my nose”). Now, name three things you hear (“traffic outside”). Name two things you can smell right now (or two smells you like) and finally, notice one thing you can taste in your mouth (remnants of the coffee you had earlier perhaps). Now, pause and get curious. What do you notice after this exercise? Do you feel more quiet, more centered, more you? If this feels good and you’d like more, try these calming and grounding activities too:

1. Get into nature. Feel the sun and the wind on your skin and smell the fresh aroma of the outdoors. 

2. Move your body in any way that feels good for you – walking, running, biking dancing, yoga – and focus on what your body feels like as it moves. 

3. Connect with animals or children, both of whom are skilled at being present and grounded. 

4. Rest… get more sleep and take a nap. 

Resources:

Brant, A.R. (2021). Tending to the Sacred: Rituals to Connect with Earth, Spirit and Self. Sounds True, Boulder Colorado.

About Michelle

Michelle is a mother, a partner, a friend, a spiritual seeker, a psychotherapist and someone who enjoys connecting with herself within a mindfulness meditation practice. She has a BA in Communications and Humanities from the University of Colorado and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a concentration in Mindfulness-based Transpersonal Psychology from Naropa University. Michelle’s practice, Soul Care Counseling, offers mindfulness-based practices that support clients seeking to become less anxious, less stressed, less reactive and more grounded, present and connected with their own inner ally. As a result of their work together, clients are able to communicate with themselves and others with greater clarity, care and compassion.  https://soulcaredenver.com/

               Our first step in bouncing back from the pandemic asks us to validate our experiences in the last year, to know that yes it was hard for most of us and that any feelings of stress, grief, anxiety or depression are warranted and are the product of processing challenging experiences. Along with this step towards validating our experience, we might also normalize our experiences. Many of us have struggled in some way shape or form and the data as collected by Mental Health America clearly shows this struggle. You are not alone in how challenging the year may have been and our struggles as broadly as they may range should be normalized. After all of the uncertainty, loss and struggle, our feelings and responses to those feelings are a normal reaction to this collective trauma and shared experience. In validating and normalizing our experiences, we can have compassion for the burdens we’ve been asked to carry and the healing that has begun to occur.

               Next, it is important to name the challenges in returning to some level of normalcy. For many of us, we will be facing work and social environments that we have not been connected with in quite some time. This can bring up stressors, social anxiety, personal insecurities and even trigger old trauma as we begin to experience environments and relationships that have been lost during the pandemic. It may be wise to make an effort to pace yourself as you re-acclimate to these environments. Along with this, folks may have developed or experienced an increase in problematic coping behaviors as a result of coping with the pandemic. What did you struggle with before? Was it difficult to maintain boundaries that allowed for self-care? By naming these challenges, we can become more aware of how we might support ourselves in this transition. If we do not name these challenges, we may struggle with feelings that direct our behavior in ways that make the transition to some normalcy more difficult. If you are in therapy, you might work with your therapist to identify challenges, if you are not in therapy, you can practice this exercise on your own or with a trusted friend, partner or family member. Of course, if you anticipate this to be especially difficult, you can reach out to a therapist that can walk you through this process. What post-pandemic challenges will you be facing?

               Finally, it is important to make a plan, will you need to pace yourself in this transition, will you need to practice additional self-care, have concrete boundaries or will you need to connect with supportive persons? There may be an inclination to experience a bit of a social binge, pacing yourself, setting boundaries and practicing self-care will allow for this process to be much smoother. You might identify some of the thoughts, fears or anxieties that you are having and challenge any aspects of this narrative that might be unhelpful or untrue. With a plan, you can get clear about how to make this transition the smoothest. In that we’ve all experienced this trauma together, please remember to be kind, while most of us have struggled in some way shape or form during the pandemic, you never know what the person next to you in line at the store has been through, kindness begets kindness and the world could use a whole lot more these days, we are still in this together!

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” -Carl Jung

https://www.mhanational.org/issues/state-mental-health-america

“I consider myself to be genuine, compassionate and enthusiastic about the work that I do. Specializing in working with men from all walks of life, I strive to provide exceptional psychotherapy tailored specifically to each individual client and their unique needs. From time to time, I work with co-therapist in training, Cooper a French Bulldog Puppy. As co-owner of Elevated Counseling & Wellness, feel free to reach out with any questions or concerns.” 

Craig Freund MA, LPC is a former intern from the Affordable Counseling Program. Craig currently is the co-owner of a group practice in Denver called Elevated Counseling. Craig is also the Vice President of the People House Board of Directors. Connect with Craig at craigfreund@elevatedcounseling.org or (720)515-3563.

LePera has reached beyond traditional approaches to suggest that healing emotional trauma and nervous system dysregulation requires us to come to know ourselves deeply. The underlying theme throughout her book is to help readers stop outsourcing their mental and emotional well-being to something and someone outside themselves.  By focusing on current research in neuroscience and somatic experiencing and acknowledging the interconnectedness of the human mind, body and spirit, LePera has created an all together new therapeutic approach she calls Holistic Psychology. “Holistic psychology is a practical healing philosophy that considers and addresses all the parts of the person (mind, body and soul), encourages the exploration of causes of symptoms rather than suppressing them, and acknowledges the interconnectedness of the universe.” Sounds big, but she does an excellent job of breaking down what each of these elements mean in terms of mental, physical and emotional well-being while continually assuring us that our unique path to healing is an inner game. In fact, chapter 1 is titled “You Are Your Own Best Healer”. 

In How To Do the Work

LePera shares her own personal story, growing up in what would be described as a “normal” household with loving parents, but parents who are human, and struggle with their own emotional limitations. These limitations, she says, were passed on to her in subtle and direct ways that modeled for her detachment, emotional dysregulation and  inappropriate or non-existent boundaries that left her feeling lost, different and like she didn’t matter. Her story is so powerful because it is so relatable. I, too, was born in to a lineage that was emotionally immature and dysregulated, with parents who both experienced childhood abuse and trauma (they are the definition of what it looks like to be trauma bonded). They never healed their trauma, and had no way of knowing how to go about getting help. LePera’s invitation to do the work is crystal clear… we may not be able to heal or change our family dysfunction and pain, but we can heal our own. 

In order to do the work, LePera offers readers a great deal of background information on the nature of the human nervous system, attachment and the role that the vagus nerve plays in engaging our threat response. She also explains how a chronically overwhelmed nervous system influences our behavior. Using this information, she coaches readers on how to reconnect with ourselves and others by first becoming aware of the physical symptoms we might experience when our nervous system has been chronically overwhelmed. She emphasizes the important of basic good health, like eating nutritious food and getting restful sleep. Most importantly, she teaches activities and exercises that readers can adopt instantly to soothe the nervous system, stimulate a sense of safety and restore feelings of calm and ease. I’ve already been recommending this book to my clients and their reactions have been joyful… sharing reactions like “this book speaks directly to me and my experience! I feel hopeful again!”.  Without hesitation I recommend this book for therapists and clients alike and anyone ready to do the work to change their unhealthy patterns and strengthen the most important relationship we have… the one with ourselves!

Resources:

LePera, N. (2021). How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self. Harper Wave.

About Michelle

Michelle is a mother, a partner, a friend, a spiritual seeker, a psychotherapist and someone who enjoys connecting with herself within a mindfulness meditation practice. She has a BA in Communications and Humanities from the University of Colorado and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a concentration in Mindfulness-based Transpersonal Psychology from Naropa University. Michelle’s practice, Soul Care Counseling, offers mindfulness-based practices that support clients seeking to become less anxious, less stressed, less reactive and more grounded, present and connected with their own inner ally. As a result of their work together, clients are able to communicate with themselves and others with greater clarity, care and compassion.  https://soulcaredenver.com/