Our first step in bouncing back from the pandemic asks us to validate our experiences in the last year, to know that yes it was hard for most of us and that any feelings of stress, grief, anxiety or depression are warranted and are the product of processing challenging experiences. Along with this step towards validating our experience, we might also normalize our experiences. Many of us have struggled in some way shape or form and the data as collected by Mental Health America clearly shows this struggle. You are not alone in how challenging the year may have been and our struggles as broadly as they may range should be normalized. After all of the uncertainty, loss and struggle, our feelings and responses to those feelings are a normal reaction to this collective trauma and shared experience. In validating and normalizing our experiences, we can have compassion for the burdens we’ve been asked to carry and the healing that has begun to occur.

               Next, it is important to name the challenges in returning to some level of normalcy. For many of us, we will be facing work and social environments that we have not been connected with in quite some time. This can bring up stressors, social anxiety, personal insecurities and even trigger old trauma as we begin to experience environments and relationships that have been lost during the pandemic. It may be wise to make an effort to pace yourself as you re-acclimate to these environments. Along with this, folks may have developed or experienced an increase in problematic coping behaviors as a result of coping with the pandemic. What did you struggle with before? Was it difficult to maintain boundaries that allowed for self-care? By naming these challenges, we can become more aware of how we might support ourselves in this transition. If we do not name these challenges, we may struggle with feelings that direct our behavior in ways that make the transition to some normalcy more difficult. If you are in therapy, you might work with your therapist to identify challenges, if you are not in therapy, you can practice this exercise on your own or with a trusted friend, partner or family member. Of course, if you anticipate this to be especially difficult, you can reach out to a therapist that can walk you through this process. What post-pandemic challenges will you be facing?

               Finally, it is important to make a plan, will you need to pace yourself in this transition, will you need to practice additional self-care, have concrete boundaries or will you need to connect with supportive persons? There may be an inclination to experience a bit of a social binge, pacing yourself, setting boundaries and practicing self-care will allow for this process to be much smoother. You might identify some of the thoughts, fears or anxieties that you are having and challenge any aspects of this narrative that might be unhelpful or untrue. With a plan, you can get clear about how to make this transition the smoothest. In that we’ve all experienced this trauma together, please remember to be kind, while most of us have struggled in some way shape or form during the pandemic, you never know what the person next to you in line at the store has been through, kindness begets kindness and the world could use a whole lot more these days, we are still in this together!

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” -Carl Jung

https://www.mhanational.org/issues/state-mental-health-america

“I consider myself to be genuine, compassionate and enthusiastic about the work that I do. Specializing in working with men from all walks of life, I strive to provide exceptional psychotherapy tailored specifically to each individual client and their unique needs. From time to time, I work with co-therapist in training, Cooper a French Bulldog Puppy. As co-owner of Elevated Counseling & Wellness, feel free to reach out with any questions or concerns.” 

Craig Freund MA, LPC is a former intern from the Affordable Counseling Program. Craig currently is the co-owner of a group practice in Denver called Elevated Counseling. Craig is also the Vice President of the People House Board of Directors. Connect with Craig at craigfreund@elevatedcounseling.org or (720)515-3563.

It’s heavy. I know I feel it. I’m guessing that we all do.

We may be feeling the stress and anxiety of this moment and this whole year for various reasons but I think we can all agree that this is really hard and we are suffering. Simply acknowledging our collective experience honors our common humanity. Still… individually we feel bad and no amount of doom scrolling makes us feel better. Thankfully, “the path to emotional freedom starts with kindness toward the suffering ‘self’” (Germer, 2009). This post offers a guided self-compassion practice that blends together the work of Tara Brach, Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer and gently accompanies us through the rough waters of individual and collective suffering and across to kinder, softer banks of loving-kindness and self-compassion.  

The instructions for this practice are based on the teachings of Tara Brach, which are represented in the acronym RAIN. The “R” in RAIN stands for recognizing what’s happening right now. We might be experiencing a moment of tightening or contraction related to blaming or judging ourselves or thought distortions like black and white thinking or ruminating over something that happened recently. We may even declare to ourselves things like “everyone here hates me” or “I don’t belong anywhere”. Recognizing requires some experience with mindfulness in order to be able to notice when we find ourselves in that negative pattern. The “A” stands for allowing whatever we’re experiencing to be just as it is and making space for it. When we are able to notice that what is being experienced is a moment of suffering, we have the opportunity to acknowledge it to ourselves by saying something like… “This feels hard right now” or “this is difficult” or whatever words feel comforting. This is how we can begin to weave in kindness for ourselves. The “I” invites us to investigate what we might be experiencing with a gentle attention, noticing, for example what we may be feeling in the body. This gives us to chance to remind ourselves that suffering is a part of life. We might say to ourselves “This is normal. Lots of people feel this way too in this situation… this is a part of being human”. And finally, the “N” in RAIN stands for nurture.

We want to nurture and care for what we are experiencing with kindness and compassion.

It’s important to spend time finding some soothing words or phrases to call upon when in the nurture stage. Saying something, silently or out loud, to ourselves like, “It’s ok. It’s going to be ok. I’m here for you.” Choose words that feel true for you. If that feels difficult, the following is a script might be helpful:

This is a short- guided compassion practice that offers ideas for soothing ourselves in moments of stress or suffering. To begin, find a comfortable position in whatever way feels the best to you in this moment. Once you feel settled in, go ahead and allow yourself to relax. Take a few long slow deep breaths and allow yourself to be fully present. Feel the floor or the chair beneath you, and try to relax into it. Remind yourself that, in this moment, right now, you are safe and it is okay to relax.

When you’re ready, begin to become aware of your natural breathing and keep your focus there for a few moments. Take your time. Next, when you’re ready, bring to mind a time when you’ve experienced a stressful event or a moment of suffering or even remember any negative phrases or thought patterns you may struggle with.

When you have this in mind, recognize what is happening in you and be the witness of your experience – notice how your body responds and how you feel. And now, allow however you feel about these thoughts or memories to be what it is and stop to offer yourself some care here, by saying “This is uncomfortable” or “I notice I feel tense about this”.

Now give yourself some time to investigate this discomfort, what does it mean, where do you experience it? And then, again, stop and acknowledge that you are not alone, saying something like “Suffering this way is normal. Lots of other people experience these difficulties just like I do.” Check in with yourself and breath… maybe put your hands on your face or some place on your body that might feel comforting, just like you would for a child or beloved pet or a friend who is hurting. Pause and share this kind of loving touch with yourself. Include some soothing words like “It’s okay… everything is fine. I’m here for you”. 

Now, check in again and notice how you feel. Do you feel lighter? Or is there heaviness related to the situation that is lingering? If it is still there… it’s okay… remind yourself again that this feels really hard, it’s difficult and that it is also completely normal and part of being human. And again, offer soothing, kind words of care… “it’s okay, I’m right here, this too shall pass and I’ll still be here with you”. Soak in your kind words and thank yourself for them. When you are ready, go back to your mindful breathing and then bring your awareness back into the room, with an awakened sense of knowing that, in this moment, all is well. 

References:

Brach, T. (2013). The RAIN of Self-Compassion. Retrieved from https://www.tarabrach.com/selfcompassion1/

Germer, C. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self‐Compassion. New York: The Guilford Press. 

Neff, K., and Germer, C. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. New York: The Guilford Press\

Michelle is a mother, a partner, a friend, a spiritual seeker, a psychotherapist and someone who enjoys connecting with herself using a mindfulness meditation practice. She has a BA in Communications and Humanities from the University of Colorado and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a concentration in Mindfulness-based Transpersonal Psychology from Naropa University. Michelle’s practice, Soul Care Counseling, offers mindfulness-based practices that support clients seeking to become less anxious, less stressed, less reactive and more grounded, present and connected with their own inner ally. As a result of their work together, clients are able to communicate with themselves and others with greater clarity, care and compassion.  https://soulcaredenver.com/

Anxiety and stress are the most common mental disorders.  The current state of the world is exacerbating people’s anxiety and depression. Ongoing stress increases the chances of anxiety becoming a disorder.  The two go hand in hand.  It has been reported that 1/3 of Americans are showing signs of clinical anxiety and depression as a result of the pandemic, political divisiveness, economic stress, fires, droughts, floods and other climate extremes, and losses of life, property and homes. Countries worldwide are experiencing similar upsurges of anxiety as instability increases.  

By definition, anxiety is marked by “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.”  It seems each day brings an alarming crisis and mounting uncertainty.  It is no wonder that anxiety is rising.  

Recognizing Burnout

Anxiety can sneak up on you.  You may not realize that your fatigue and exhaustion are a result of burnout from mental distress.  Your sympathetic nervous system, which pushes adrenaline and cortisol, is working overtime without a break from the necessary calming balance of the parasympathetic system.  Burned-out in this case means that your nervous system is overloaded and just like a fuse burning out of an electrical circuit, it damages your neuronal circuits. 

Chronic stress is draining.  It causes wear and tear on the body and the damage to the brain’s circuitry causes changes in the brain’s anatomy.  Symptoms of constant anxiety, panic attacks, restlessness, insomnia, heart palpitations, inability to relax, high blood pressure, breathing problems and poor digestion as well as other impacts to the body can result.  Research by William James Fellow Bruce McEwen on the neuroendocrinology of stress hormones found that chronic stress impacts specific areas of the brain, which can lead to changes in mood, learning, and memory.  Burnout can result in a loss of motivation, emotional depletion, memory impairment, cynicism, rumination on negativity, and detachment.  Your brain is worn out and needs a rest.

Approaching Threat

How do you manage the bombardment of so many external factors that you have no control over?  Your body’s defenses and your sympathetic nervous system will ignite whenever your survival is threatened.  This may occur when your values or way of life are threatened, or when you are isolated and alone, unaccepted or unloved.  

Detachment is the natural outcome when you are mentally and emotionally exhausted and drained.  You want to “chill-out” or numb out with mindless distractions.  Mild distractions can be beneficial in the short term.  However, when anxiety escalates you may dissociate, or turn to drugs or food to soothe yourself.  Sitting in front of the television or your computer for long hours, erratically keeping busy or working until you drop are danger signs.  These habits of retreating may become addictions that harm you, deplete your energy and don’t actually stop the anxiety.  The underlying threat response is still activated and only temporarily submerged.  Regular exercise, being creative, walking in nature, meditating, dancing, playing music that you love, laughing, playing and reducing time spent listening to media are all healthy ways to discharge and de-stress.  These are great coping skills and when you understand why these work, you will be able to initiate a higher and more productive level of consciousness. 

Connection Creates Security

In the moments you are doing the latter activities like exercising, playing and laughing, you are not separate from yourself.  You are fully present and connected.  It is all about connection.  You are either connecting with life or disconnecting from it.  Threat brings out the defenses of separation that purposefully disconnect you.  It is easy to see that dissociating and inhibiting your emotions disconnect you from a vital part of yourself…you no longer feel alive or an integral part of life.  When you are in that level of consciousness you have a tendency to fall back into controlling life creating even more separation.    

A healthy body is always checking for harmony, balance, and a return to homeostasis.  You go in and out of balance with continual adjustments taking place. Physical connectivity between the physiological elements and processes of your body is required to achieve relatively stable equilibrium but so is emotional and mental connection to others.  When you know that you belong and are supported it gives you a sense of safety and freedom, which not only relaxes your defenses but also reminds you that you are interconnected with life.  So…connecting with people that support and love you will ease much of your stress.  Having deep meaningful connection with others when you are isolated or the world is contained is not so easy.   

Control Creates Insecurity

Relying on or seeking stability in the world or even in relationships can be a never-ending quest.  Life and the world are in constant flux.  The very best relationships have times of discord.  Your body has a marvelously intricate system to maintain equilibrium; yet, it cannot control all of life and external events.  Most happenings in life are absolutely not in your control.  Ay, there’s the rub.  The ego’s threat detection program focuses on attempting to control what it cannot.  “If I can fix what is wrong out there or with this person, then I will be secure, I will be safe.”  “If I can control external events everything will be fine.”  Control is a defensive losing strategy because it disconnects you not only from others but also from security itself.  It sets you up to see the world as separate.   

As Alan Watts reveals, “There is a contradiction in wanting to be perfectly secure in a universe whose very nature is momentariness and fluidity. But the contradiction lies a little deeper than the mere conflict between the desire for security and the fact of change. If I want to be secure, that is, protected from the flux of life, I am wanting to be separate from life. Yet it is this very sense of separateness, which makes me feel insecure. To be secure means to isolate and fortify the “I,” but it is just the feeling of being an isolated “I” which makes me feel lonely and afraid. In other words, the more security I can get, the more I shall want.”  Without that sense of security, I am engulfed in anxiety and stress. 

The Way to Everlasting Security is Interior Connection to Presence

If you can’t find safety in the external world, where can you find a safe haven?  What is security?  Change is scary because it reflects the impermanence of life.  What is truly needed is an internal sense of permanence.  

Ultimately, rising up from the debilitating carrion of stress and anxiety is metaphorically like the rise of the Phoenix from the fire and ashes.  It is an undertaking and journey of the soul.  It is a catalyst for tremendous growth.  It requires you to remain present with your experience rather than standing apart from it.  There is a place within you that is eternally present that is outside of the noise of turmoil.  Presence is the light of consciousness at one with all of life.  Consciousness has never been separate.  It is permanent, secure and stable.

The Interior Connection to Presence Fosters Interconnection with

 the Unity of Life

It is the interior connection to presence that fosters interconnection with the oneness and unity of all of life and relaxes you into the deepest state of security.  You are no longer in the illusion that you are separate because you know that you are integrally connected and one with life and consciousness itself.  

Embracing Anxiety into Freedom

The sky turns dark and a huge plume of orange and purple smoke billows overhead.  A fire has flared up on the mountains above.  I am aware of a flood of distressing thoughts.  Instead of being engulfed by them, I see them as a warning to be aware.  There is a perpetual movement of these thought forms.  Instead of grabbing onto them, I am in relationship to the present moment and to what is happening around me.  Is there something to be done or not?  I experience a burst of sensations and waves of emotions rushing through me.  A feeling of fear erupts in my stomach and gets caught in my throat.  Can I allow and accept this experience without controlling it?  It is almost unbearably uncomfortable.  At first I want to control it and push it away.  I remember to be aware and accept the anxiousness and fear that is present without needing to be separate from it.  As I experience being fully present in the now, my perception expands and I feel the energy of being alive a part of life simultaneously with the sensation of the emotions arising in my body.      

Miraculously, more presence in the moment creates an alchemical transmutation within and a higher intensity of awareness.  I am more enlivened and conscious.  This higher state of connectivity calms me.  I can assess my situation and know that I am safe. 

Presence is Fuel for Consciousness

Eckhart Tolle describes presence as the fuel for consciousness and higher intelligence.  Be gentle with yourself.  Your ego defenses are instinctual and strong.  Embracing and befriending fear and anxiety is a practice.  Each time you accept these raw energies, you will find that it gets easier to be present.  Your integrity and interconnectedness are restored.  It is because of this total acceptance of all parts of yourself that you no longer feel separate.  You are an integral part of life and fully engaged.  Your freedom is worth it. 

Dorothy Wallis is a former intern at People House in private practice with an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She is a Psychotherapist, Certified Relational Life Therapist, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, and an International Spiritual Teacher at the forefront of the consciousness movement for over thirty years grounded in practices of meditation, family systems, relationships, and emotional growth.  Her work reflects efficacious modalities of alternative approaches to healing for individuals and couples based upon the latest research in science, human energy fields, psychology, and spirituality. 

As a leader in the field of emotional consciousness and the connection to mind, body and spirit, her compassionate approach safely teaches you how to connect to your body, intuition and knowing to clear emotional wounds and trauma at the core.  The powerful Heartfulness protocol empowers your ability to join with your body’s innate capacity to heal through holistic Somatic, Sensory and Emotional awareness. 

www.TheDorWay.com and www.Heartfulnesspath.com  

My basic definition of anxiety is “fear of the future.” 

Our minds get caught up in a lot of “what ifs” and before long, our bodies are joining in, and we find ourselves having trouble breathing, with hearts racing, feeling very restless, perhaps some nausea or heartburn. 

When this happens, I am in full flight or fight mode, and my nervous system is reacting as if there is a large, hungry lion in the room and I need to run to escape. This is what a panic attack might look like, and most people who experience them develop some method of self soothing to cope. They might go for a walk or run, or listen to calm music, or slow their breathing down.

Other people live with chronic, ongoing daily anxiety that just chews away at their minds, damaging mental and physical well being.  It’s as if the train tracks for anxiety have been laid down in the mind many years ago and that train keeps chugging along on it.

In fact, that is what happens in our minds. Habits of thought repeat themselves over and over, and most of us don’t even realize we are having these thoughts. We are wired to worry and to anticipate trouble- this negative bias has protected humanity for many generations. We need to be able to anticipate problems ahead so that we can plan for them and be prepared. We don’t need to live in them all the time, though. A nervous system that is always set to high alert makes it very difficult to function in the world.

Also, we have the ability to rip these well -traveled tracks up, and to lay down new tracks, with a train carrying new thoughts now running along in our brains.

We start by understanding how those thoughts got there, and then move on to how to replace them.

People with trauma in their pasts often struggle with anxiety. Trauma can “set us up” for anxiety, based on what we have experienced in our pasts. Other people are simply wired to worry more.  Add to this that we do exist in a very challenging world that contains many things worth worrying about.

To take a holistic, spiritual approach to anxious thoughts is to acknowledge that they exist, and to accept that, for all of us, a certain amount of anxiety is simply part of being human. It can help to write down your anxieties, or to say them out loud.  This can help to stop the spiraling thoughts of one anxiety leading to another- all the “what ifs?” Movement is a great way to calm yourself- anxiety creates heat and energy in the body and working off the energy by walking or other movement can be very helpful. So is listening to music that calms you. 

Then there is using the calming breath.

Sometimes I think people downplay the importance of the breath because it seems too simple; and because it has become a catch phrase to tell someone, “Take a breath!”  However, slowed breathing is just what the nervous system needs in order to begin to calm itself, allowing blood to return to the brain so that our reasonable mind can function. There are many types of slow breath techniques; the one I like best for calming anxiety is a “cooling breath.”

Sit in a comfortable position, preferably with spine straight and shoulders relaxed. Begin by breathing in fully through the nose, filling the lungs completely. Pause for a second, and then slowly, slowly breathe out through the mouth. Repeat several times, until you find your heart rate has slowed. Bring your attention to your heart center, and notice what is coming up for you. Notice any feelings in your body. This is just sitting with emotions and allowing them to be. When thoughts come up that are anxious or negative, just let them go. You might even thank them for helping to keep you safe.

Now, get up and do this again the next day, even if this is not an anxious day for you.  With continued practice, it is possible to soothe the mind and the nervous system by tapping into your wider, deeper Selves: your soul and your spirit, your true being.

For learning more about how the brain and nervous system work and guidance with a spiritual perspective, I would recommend reading anything by Mark Waldman and Andrew Newberg. Mark is a psychologist and Andrew is an MD who studies neurobiology. Their writings bring together science and spirituality in a way I find very enlightening.

Faye Maguire, MA, LACC, is a People House private practitioner working with youth and adults, using a transpersonal approach to therapy. Counseling is her second career, after being a business owner for nearly 30 years. She enjoys working with people experiencing life transitions, grief and loss, depression, anxiety, trauma, addictions, relationship issues, and figuring out life’s direction, using a holistic approach. Please contact her at 720-331-2454 or at fayemaguire@gmail.com for more information.

Of not knowing what to do. Our society avoids the bad feelings, and in turn we spend a whole lot of time and energy trying to escape what it is to be human.

I am so tired of seeing directives wherever I go. “Be kind”, “Live, Laugh, Love”, “Seize the day”, “Smile”, “Get lost”.  I am also tired of seeing self help books, self help podcasts, and magazine covers with 10 ways to be happy or lose weight or get active.

Sometimes I just long to see some wall art calligraphy that says “don’t listen to me, just do your thing, you’ll figure it out, I’m just as lost as you”. Because that would be more honest. It would be authentic enough to say, “none of us have got this, I’m just as confused as you”.

We are terrified of feeling bad.

And we are terrified of not knowing what to do. So, when anxiety does arise, we are scared of the anxiety itself. (the same goes for grief, sadness, loneliness, anger, confusion, despair).

I have internalized this societal belief in a particular way. Anxiety is a familiar feeling to me; I’ve inherited it from society and my family.  When I feel my anxiety rising or when I feel uncertain about the future, I have a compulsion to consult my tarot deck. I pull cards and really hope I’m going to get one that tells me I’m moving in the right direction, that it’s going to be great and that I’m not going to starve in a pit of hungry animals. And when I don’t get a reassuring answer, I pull more cards.

This ritual doesn’t actually calm me down at all. It just gives more for my anxious brain to think about. Because anxiety is telling me to find something to give it more energy… to find out what’s wrong and fix it now!

Anxiety is a tornado that scoops up everything in its path to make it stronger. So, seeing all these directives, lists of how-tos and self-help books doesn’t make it better.  They feed the anxiety, they provide the anxiety with fuel to keep going… Anxiety starts screaming at me “Something’s wrong, and you need to figure it out, and this can give you something to work on, it might have the answer, and then do it, if you do it fast enough you’ll have it figured out and maybe you won’t be feeling this feeling anymore.”

Anxiety is like a fire, and all those directives are like pine trees in a drought; they just feed it.

Sometimes I am able to recognize the anxiety for what it is. That it is a fire burning in my belly (or my head) and that I need to give it space, that I need to find a way to put it out. I need to clear the area so that more trees don’t get sucked into it further.

Sometimes I give it water. There are times when I can take a bath, and breathe and say to myself, “I’m feeling anxious and that’s ok, I will just take a bath to give the anxiety a chance to burn down a bit”. Or sometimes I remove all fuel from the vicinity… fuel includes reading the news, tarot cards, self-help books, blogs. Or go for a walk with my dog and say to myself, “nothing needs to be done right now, it’s ok, and I’m going to do my best to not make decisions while I take this walk”.

I know I’m a hypocrite, that this blog post sounds a lot like advice giving… and, yes, it is…. And I am. So here is my soapbox rant in short. I’m suggesting that avoiding what is uncomfortable can make it worse, and we have to sift through a lot of “happy advertising” telling us what to do instead.  I am expressing a plea to free our society from the subtle oppression of self-help and subtle directives in order to give us the freedom to live our own struggles and find peace within ourselves without the constant bombardment of being to told what will make it better. 

Stephanie Boulton, MA LPCC (she/her/hers) is a counselor in private practice and is part of the People House Community. She also volunteers with Out Boulder County, co-facilitating a support group for Friends and Family of Transgender/Gender Non-Conforming People. Stephanie has a background working with a diversity of people in outdoor settings and draws from attachment theory, body-based and experiential therapies, as well as ecological and feminist approaches. Stephanie’s website can be found at www.soulterracounseling.com or you can email her at steph@soulterracounseling.com.

One of my favorite things about climbing mountains and backpacking is being humbled in a way where I still feel like I belong. I stand on the mountain and feel my smallness. I see the routes that are possible and the routes that are not. I have to read the weather. There are times to climb and there are times to stay put.  The weather dictates what is possible. It is when I am backpacking or hiking that I feel most at peace with the world being bigger than me.

That my role is to observe and surrender to what is coming. 

I have rarely felt mad at the weather when I am really outside, and I come from a place with more extreme weather than here. I don’t feel the fear of uncertainty. I just wait until better weather. 

But when things are bigger than me in the human world, I have much more difficulty being patient, and humble. I feel intense rage at things that are out of my control, especially when they are events that are being manipulated by people that have serious impacts on others.. 

Why? This virus is something that not one of us can control. Like the weather, viruses are a part of nature, they come and go. We develop a vaccine, protocols to keep ourselves safe, and do the best we can. And still the virus moves on reminding us that we can not always control our own destiny like we so wish we could… that we are the masters of our own universe. 

While puttering around social media, I came across this wonderful post marking the 270^th anniversary of Edward Jenner, the man who discovered the first vaccine for Smallpox. Here is an excerpt: 

“Smallpox is one of the deadliest & most contagious diseases known to man. The virus killed over half a billion people in the twentieth century alone— three times the number of deaths from all of the centuries wars combined. In May 1980, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced the eradication of smallpox. This was an unprecedented event in history, signaling the first and only annihilation of a human disease. The victory—which saved tens of millions of lives— fulfilled the lifelong dream [of] Edward Jenner, who first tested his vaccine on 14 May 1796.” (1)

Wow, if that is one amazing reminder that we are biological beings subject to the same laws of any species of animal. (I also would like to mention that smallpox killed over 90% of the Native American population when Europeans brought it over to the Americas).

When I get lost in my own anxiety about the future I find it a very important part of self-care to find ways to remind myself that I am small.

That life is circular and that there are laws of the universe that I am subject to but also a part of, that somewhere I belong too. Sometimes, I find it reassuring to see a cat happy with a dead mouse in its mouth, or looking at a mountain and pondering the changes it has gone through over millennia, or watching the leaves emerge on the trees in the spring. 

I’m not saying that makes life any less tragic than it is, because it is very tragic and sad. But there are times when I find solace in remembering that I am a part of this bigger cycle of life that has been going on for billions of years. I believe that learning to trust is one of my most important journeys on this earth. 

I write this as just a gentle suggestion to get outside and sit by an old tree or rock and listen the stories it has to tell, ask the squirrel on your back porch what is important to her or maybe just watch some good ol’ David Attenborough. 

*Notes:

1. The Chirurgion’s Apprentice (Facebook Post, 17 May 2020, https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=3222863261087239&set=a.176574612382801)

Stephanie Boulton, MA LPCC (she/her/hers) is a private practitioner in the People House Community. Stephanie believes that healing results from expanding our capacity for meaningful connections and relationships. She has a background working with a diversity of people in outdoor settings and draws from attachment theory, body-based and experiential therapies, as well as ecological and feminist approaches. Stephanie’s website can be found at www.soulterracounseling.com or you can email her at steph@soulterracounseling.com.

After posting that blog, I reflected on the pain and difficult emotions that can arise when we find ourselves outside of our comfort zone. Sometimes we push ourselves into a place of the uncomfortable and, other times, we find ourselves there following or in the midst of a situation or event that is undesired and perhaps out of our control. This could be learning of an affair, a divorce, a trauma, a health crisis, loss of a job or a loved one, etc. And for the current situation living through a global pandemic. Whatever it is—and we’ve all experienced at least one event or situation in our lives that created significant discomfort—the emotions that arise when we feel stressed or scared are worth exploring. Emotions can serve as important messengers, if we pay attention to them. It’s hard to slow down in this world—especially so when we feel like we’re in the throes of crisis or dealing with the aftermath of a fire—but by taking a mindful moment to reflect on our emotions and explore what our emotions are trying to tell us, what can be an otherwise uncomfortable experience becomes an opportunity for discoveries, personal growth and even significant transformation. We can’t tell in the beginning what the transformation will be as it is a lived through experience. It is in looking back we can see the path of transformation.

Discovering The Beauty Beneath the Fire

A few weekends ago, my partner and I were up in Pike National Forest near Woodland Park in the Hayman Fire area in Colorado. The Hayman Fire of 2002 burned for more than 30 days and scorched to the ground 138,000 acres, causing $42 million losses in housing costs alone. This is a place that we’ve visited often, both pre and post fire, and as we cruised around on our ATVs I was struck by the devastation as well as the resilient rebounding of nature. The loss of mature old growth trees revealed the unique beauty of the landscape of the forest that had been unexposed before the fire. I was able to witness what I fondly call ‘The Baby Forest’ returning to life with a thriving diversity of plants, flowers, shrubs and trees that could not fully develop when the old forest overshadowed the floor before the Hayman Fire. I could see rocks, cliffs and other amazing features in the overall landscape, which are usually hidden. You can notice them in the photos I took of the area. Also notice the ‘Baby Forest’ filling in the scorched land. When life is going along in an automatic routine in usual fashion, we generally do not notice the underlying features of who we are as unique individuals with a unique history. Sometimes it takes a fire of some sort to bring both new things and the long overshadowed to the surface.

All this got me thinking about how we all experience fires in our lives—whether we started them ourselves or they were lit up by another. When dealing with a forest fire in our own lives, it can be hard to see the forest through the trees or see the fire as an opportunity to experience or grow something different. But, there can be beauty and eventual growth in the wake of any destruction. And, when we feel into our emotions, seeking messages and learning from a painful experience, what we rebuild is oftentimes more fulfilling than what was there before. One thing is for sure, however. When a forest fire sweeps across the landscape of your life causing devastation, something new will happen. Today we are trying to put the forest fire out across the globe. We are and will create something new.

On this note, I asked a forest ranger we met on our ride about the fire and what has occurred in the ecosystem and environment since Hayman Fire. The ranger said that, in a way, the fire was actually good for the area. A balance of flora and fauna was restored. Plants once overshadowed by the looming trees now had a chance to thrive, which was improving the vitality of wildlife, particularly the deer, in the area. We saw an abundance of wildlife on our excursions through the burn area. While initially scary and even devastating, there can be beauty, growth and opportunity to be found beneath or in the wake of any fire—mental, emotional or physical. It can be challenging, but it boils down to a matter of taking the time, however long or short, to sit with the pain compassionately and then seek the wisdom that resides within the experience. Letting yourself recover with a sense of curiosity and knowing a new ‘Baby Forest’ will spring forth within you that holds lessons valuable to your life.

The Beauty of Change 

I invite you to think back on one of the forest fires of your life. You’re in the midst of one now, think back to a previous one—we all usually have a few. Remember, it may have been that you felt you wanted to quit when the pain felt too heavy and hard to bear. And, like many humans before and among you, you may have fought the pain, not realizing that fighting pain just increases the intensity of it. What we resist persists, and that is certainly true of pain. Allow yourself room to experience the present with whatever might show up be it fear, anxiety, anger and even numbness. Today it feels surreal to me. I am curious and impatient like a teenager. 

However, when we recognize that everything is impermanent—the fire you were thinking about eventually went out, right?—including your pain, it becomes more endurable. And, there is strength and security of self to be discovered when we’re in the throes of a fire. Think about where you are today versus where you were when a particularly devastating fire ignited in your life. Do you feel stronger knowing that you got through it? Did you develop increased trust in your ability to navigate a challenging situation, walk through the fire and come out the other side?

The secret to happiness isn’t the absence of pain or thinking you’re skilled in the art of avoiding it. Rather, it’s learning to embrace change and to lean into and accept pain and other emotions as part of your life experience. It’s also about seeing in hindsight that you have proved yourself capable, even if you fell apart some (we all do and that’s totally okay). But, you got where you are today through these experiences and tomorrow you will probably learn something new about yourself and the world. And, by accepting that what you know and experience today will change and then change again tomorrow, you’re able to embark on a path to greater fulfillment—even if it sometimes includes the pain that comes with stepping (or being pushed) out of what you think you know…today.

Embrace Change and Create Something New

It’s human nature to resist change, although it’s the only thing in this world that we can 100 percent count on. What would you like to let go of and change today? How has something devastating, like a forest fire, ended up becoming a gift in your life? How can you tap into the beauty of change and nurture something new? And, if you need a little more inspiration, check out 21 Insightful Quotes On Embracing Change from success.com, with quotes from people like Henry Ford, JFK, Bill Clinton and Lao Tzu.

About the Author: Brenda Bomgardner is in her encore career. One of her greatest joys is seeing people move beyond life’s roadblocks toward a fulfilling and meaningful life. She believes each person has a purpose in life waiting to be realized that evolves over a lifetime. And the path to reaching life’s purpose is as unique as each individual. We all have dreams. Step by step she will walk with you on uncovering how to bring your dreams to fruition.  Brenda is a counselor, coach and clinical supervisor specializing in practicing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training (ACT) which is a cutting edge evidenced-based processes. This means there is scientific research proven to show ACT works. Before becoming a therapist, she completed a successful 17-year career in Human Resources at a Fortune 500 company. On a personal note she loves the great outdoors, ATV riding, adventure travel and family. To learn more about Brenda visit her About Me page.