How will you navigate what’s next? We’re more than six months into a pandemic with more months to come, even with the promise of a vaccine. 

Anger: A secondary reaction to pain, not good or bad—but what you do with it

1-TURN OFF THE NEWS. I cannot stress this enough. We as a species come packaged not only to love, but to grieve loss. We are equipped to mourn. But we are not equipped to take in all the pain that comes from a continual exposure—visual and verbal—to what we hear and see nonstop through television, print news, and social media. Turn off or silence updates for your phone, tablet, and laptop. I recommend checking news feeds once in the morning, and then again once in the afternoon—not late at night before you go to bed. Anger, tension, and anxiety are formidable bunkmates to a good night’s sleep.

We grieve RBG’s death. Many voice extreme anger at where our current administration is taking the country. Anger is almost always a secondary reaction to pain—physical pain (a stubbed toe), emotional pain, and pain of injustices—either toward oneself or toward others around you and the physical world. And now we have a sitting president whose out-sized debt may possibly compromise our national security.

Are we puppets of the media world? Stooges? Roger Ailes, former chairman and CEO of Fox News, used repetition, “the oldest and most effective propaganda technique.” In that sense, he created the news of the day. His listeners believed nothing else mattered in the world or in their lives. Ailes attracted viewers who “did not want television to tell them what happened in the world. They wanted television to tell them how to think about what happened in the world—the news itself would be secondary” (1).

Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.

2-WHAT GIVES YOU LIFE? What gives you peace and contentment? Search out what interests you—it might take some digging. Visit on-line art exhibits. Some have taken to gardening, others cook or bake, and others develop musical skills. Just because someone raves about how gardening has opened up a whole new way of living for her, that doesn’t mean it’s your way—I have personally sent far too many plants to an early death. I do pull invasive species, however. I know I’m contributing to the greater good of the planet by allowing our native species the space and moisture to flourish, along with the bees, butterflies, insects, and birds that exist symbiotically with the native plants.

3-PRACTICE MINDFULNESS. Or any kind of spirituality that brings you comfort. No right way exists for meditation. You can sit on or off a cushion, use a kneeling bench, walk, recline on the floor. A point of mindfulness is to accept your current situation, your path, your Dao, your emotions, without judgment, and to quiet your monkey brain from all its chatter. 

Check in with yourself on a regular basis. What keeps you connected to your soul? This requires paying attention to the wisdom from our bodies. When emotions fill our chest, head, shoulders, heart—stop and pay attention. Ask yourself, “What do I need?” And be prepared to live with mystery, to live that question. Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.

Have the hard conversation: “Are you socially distancing? Do you wear a mask?”

4-CONNECT. And after you ask those difficult questions, make decisions based on protecting your own health and those around you. Even the most introverted need some community—some interaction with humans. Talk with friends or family on the phone; connect through Zoom or Google Hangouts. Technically savvy people use Zoom and play games with others, using apps such as jackboxgames.com. 

5-EXERCISE. MOVE. What gets your energy jumping? Dance videos? Karaoke? Move to what gives you joy. Plan how you will be outdoors for those facing an onset of colder weather. 

6-EXTEND COMPASSION—to yourself and others. See my August People House blog for ways to train in compassion.

Get your affairs in order

7-And one more item to bring peace of mind and contentment: get your affairs in order. And age doesn’t matter. As an ordained minister, I’m called upon to assist when people begin thinking of passing, how they will write this next chapter of life. The National Institute of Aging lists four components of end of life planning: 1) completing an advance directive (AD) or living will, 2) appointing an individual with durable power of attorney for health care, 3) having a document for distribution of assets, and 4) specifying preferences for type and place of care (3). These apply to younger adults also, with the addition of providing for any dependent children.

No one likes to think of death and dying or discuss this with loved ones. But make it easier on everyone concerned by being a responsible adult. Take control of these decisions as much as you can.

If we’ve learned anything from this sudden upheaval of our lives, it’s that life is unpredictable. It is indeed a mystery to be lived.

Notes & Sources: 

1. Gabriel Sherman, The Loudest Voice in the Room: How Roger Ailes and Fox News Remade American Politics. 2014. Random House.
2. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/05/magazine/fly-casting-on-city-streets-is-weird-thats-why-i-love-it.html
3. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/getting-your-affairs-order

About the Author: Rev. Mary Coday Edwards is a Spiritual Growth Facilitator and People House Minister. A life-long student of spirituality, Mary spent almost 20 years living, working, and sojourning abroad in Asia, Southeast Asia, East Africa, and Latin America before finding her spiritual connection at People House and completing its Ministerial Program. Past studies include postgraduate studies from the University of South Africa in Theological Ethics/Ecological Justice, focusing on the spiritual and physical interconnectedness of all things. With her MA in Environmental Studies from Boston University, abroad she worked and wrote on environmental sustainability issues at both global and local levels, in addition to working in refugee repatriation.

One of my favorite things about climbing mountains and backpacking is being humbled in a way where I still feel like I belong. I stand on the mountain and feel my smallness. I see the routes that are possible and the routes that are not. I have to read the weather. There are times to climb and there are times to stay put.  The weather dictates what is possible. It is when I am backpacking or hiking that I feel most at peace with the world being bigger than me.

That my role is to observe and surrender to what is coming. 

I have rarely felt mad at the weather when I am really outside, and I come from a place with more extreme weather than here. I don’t feel the fear of uncertainty. I just wait until better weather. 

But when things are bigger than me in the human world, I have much more difficulty being patient, and humble. I feel intense rage at things that are out of my control, especially when they are events that are being manipulated by people that have serious impacts on others.. 

Why? This virus is something that not one of us can control. Like the weather, viruses are a part of nature, they come and go. We develop a vaccine, protocols to keep ourselves safe, and do the best we can. And still the virus moves on reminding us that we can not always control our own destiny like we so wish we could… that we are the masters of our own universe. 

While puttering around social media, I came across this wonderful post marking the 270^th anniversary of Edward Jenner, the man who discovered the first vaccine for Smallpox. Here is an excerpt: 

“Smallpox is one of the deadliest & most contagious diseases known to man. The virus killed over half a billion people in the twentieth century alone— three times the number of deaths from all of the centuries wars combined. In May 1980, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced the eradication of smallpox. This was an unprecedented event in history, signaling the first and only annihilation of a human disease. The victory—which saved tens of millions of lives— fulfilled the lifelong dream [of] Edward Jenner, who first tested his vaccine on 14 May 1796.” (1)

Wow, if that is one amazing reminder that we are biological beings subject to the same laws of any species of animal. (I also would like to mention that smallpox killed over 90% of the Native American population when Europeans brought it over to the Americas).

When I get lost in my own anxiety about the future I find it a very important part of self-care to find ways to remind myself that I am small.

That life is circular and that there are laws of the universe that I am subject to but also a part of, that somewhere I belong too. Sometimes, I find it reassuring to see a cat happy with a dead mouse in its mouth, or looking at a mountain and pondering the changes it has gone through over millennia, or watching the leaves emerge on the trees in the spring. 

I’m not saying that makes life any less tragic than it is, because it is very tragic and sad. But there are times when I find solace in remembering that I am a part of this bigger cycle of life that has been going on for billions of years. I believe that learning to trust is one of my most important journeys on this earth. 

I write this as just a gentle suggestion to get outside and sit by an old tree or rock and listen the stories it has to tell, ask the squirrel on your back porch what is important to her or maybe just watch some good ol’ David Attenborough. 

*Notes:

1. The Chirurgion’s Apprentice (Facebook Post, 17 May 2020, https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=3222863261087239&set=a.176574612382801)

Stephanie Boulton, MA LPCC (she/her/hers) is a private practitioner in the People House Community. Stephanie believes that healing results from expanding our capacity for meaningful connections and relationships. She has a background working with a diversity of people in outdoor settings and draws from attachment theory, body-based and experiential therapies, as well as ecological and feminist approaches. Stephanie’s website can be found at www.soulterracounseling.com or you can email her at steph@soulterracounseling.com.

What we are experiencing on the planet is unprecedented. Never before have we had the magnitude of global interconnection and communication during a crisis that affects every human being, as we are experiencing in this moment.  

Much of humanity is focused on the media, the daily changes in life and the effect it is having on distant parts of the globe as the Covid-19 virus circulates around the world. 

Where is your focus and attention going?

You don’t need to listen to the news to know something remarkably uncommon is occurring. You can see it on the empty streets, with the closing of schools, people being sent home to work, and empty shelves at the grocery stores.  You can see it in your personal life and how it has affected your livelihood. Now, people are self-isolating or sheltering in place either by choice or because they have to.  

As you observe this phenomenon what are you experiencing inside? 

Does fear arise? Does confusion, panic or astonishment arise? Are you at peace?  Do you enjoy the “alone” time? Perhaps you are at home with family members that before were all out in the world.  Now you find yourself in constant contact with them. Are you kind? Are you enjoying one another? What is your response?  

It has been just a week, although it seems like a month, since this became a serious enough issue that I thought to take action to be prepared.  Being a pragmatic Virgo, I made a list of items I would need to stay at home for a month or so and set out to purchase them. Lucky to find a parking space at Costco, I started toward the door when a man ran up behind me, “Ma’am take my cart.  There are none in the store.” A bit bewildered, I thanked him for his thoughtfulness. Before entering, a woman holding a bottle of hand sanitizer and wipes swabbed my cart handle. Again, I smiled and thanked her. Inside I beheld a sea of people and baskets.  It might have been daunting yet as I navigated through the crowd, I felt a sense of joy. People were not pushing and shoving, they were actually slowing down and allowing others to get where they needed to go. There was an air of kindness…a sense that all of us were in this together.  Checkout lines were long going all of the way to the back of the store. I rounded an aisle near the front to pick up some protein powder, the last item I needed, and saw a short line. In disbelief, I asked the man standing at the end, “Are you at the end of the line?” “Yes, he replied.”  I had the most delightful time as we conversed noticing our similar feelings and views on keeping a positive loving attitude and approaching the situation from within our heart. Normally, I am not inclined to be so open with a “stranger” but it felt good to share and reflect on our abundance and goodwill.    

If you haven’t noticed, we are witnessing an extraordinary moment. 

A moment when we have an opportunity to awaken to the truth that we are truly One.  One human family, breathing one breath, globally interconnected and interdependent. Is there any doubt now that what happens in China or Italy or the U.S. or Canada or Australia, or Syria, or any country affects every single one of us?  We are joined physically, mentally, emotionally, economically and spiritually.     

You can look at the virus as a demon or as transformer.  It is showing us that we All Breathe the Same Air. We are One Breath.  We are not Separate. We are one global family. With that understanding the question becomes, how do we respond as One Being?  How do we lift our consciousness to a higher level of Care for One another?    

There is so much I have thought about over the past days with so much to say…and so little to say.  We are in Unknown Uncharted waters. Isn’t that the greatest fear? We cannot know for certain what lies ahead.  The world has turned upside down and in the outer world there seems to be no stability. Our healthcare, economic, social systems, and leaders are showing their vulnerabilities.  No one is immune. This tiny creature is raising All of our personal and systemic vulnerabilities to the surface.    

As strange as it sounds, that is the Gift. 

We are getting a clear view of our response or reaction to this crisis.  Distractions are few. We are at a standstill. When have you ever seen the world Stop Doing?  We have been running around willy-nilly doing, doing, doing with endless thoughtless busyness. We have been so preoccupied with doing life that we have not stopped to see where we are going.  What have we created? How are we impacting each other? How are we impacting all of life?

In a moment of fantasy, I had a Sci-Fi vision of Mother Earth creating this microbe to get rid of humans.  We would not be missed. In actuality, the earth is taking a deep breath right now. Water in the canals of Venice is clearing and fish and dolphins are populating the waters.  Pollution in cities is abating as cars, trucks, businesses and factories are shut down. Animals and other creatures are happily carrying on. We humans are the ones in crisis.         

We are in a pivotal moment in consciousness.  We have a great opportunity to pause and observe without judgment but with great discernment our habitual conditioned response to life.  We invest lots of our energy in attempting to control just about everything. It is a basic reaction to ensure survival and it can also be our greatest downfall.  There are a zillion different views on what and how to control the outer world and other people in order to be secure.

How secure do you feel right now?

Can you awaken from the trance?  You have never been able to control the outer world.  External stability is fleeting. The only place where true stability resides is inside of you.  A great teaching is offered in turning inward. Through this extraordinary circumstance you have a chance to glimpse the eternal part of you that is constant.  Here resides a core of centeredness and stability that is awareness. You have the power of choice in how you respond to whatever you experience. 

As you approach life from this pillar of timeless balance, you are coherent with the ebb and flow of life.  You are able to observe and choose responses that enhance life. Innovative and creative solutions abound in times like these.  Already, we are seeing people creating new and exciting ways to deal with work. Others are using their skills to find solutions to save people’s lives.  What we know for sure is that we are all in this together. We are having a rare Shared Experience. I trust we will adapt. Humans are resourceful and resilient.  We are in the midst of an upgrade in consciousness if we choose it.  

As you move inward into your heart and know without a doubt that we are One, you will respond with care for all humans, for all creatures, and for our dear planet.  

This is our challenge and how we respond will be written in our memories for all time.  

__

Dorothy Wallis is a former intern at People House in private practice with an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She is a Psychotherapist, Certified Relational Life Therapist, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, and an International Spiritual Teacher at the forefront of the consciousness movement for over thirty years grounded in practices of meditation, family systems, relationships, and emotional growth.  Her work reflects efficacious modalities of alternative approaches to healing for individuals and couples based upon the latest research in science, human energy fields, psychology, and spirituality. 

As a leader in the field of emotional consciousness and the connection to mind, body and spirit, her compassionate approach safely teaches you how to connect to your body, intuition and knowing to clear emotional wounds and trauma at the core.  The powerful Heartfulness protocol empowers your ability to join with your body’s innate capacity to heal through holistic Somatic, Sensory and Emotional awareness. 

www.TheDorWay.com and www.Heartfulnesspath.com