People refuse to wear masks, thus endangering the lives of our more vulnerable from Covid. Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos added $13 billion to his net worth in a single day, while his company paid just a little over 1% in taxes in 2019, despite the United States 21% federal tax rate on corporations (1). An estimated 19 to 23 million individuals are at high risk of being evicted from their homes by the end of September, hitting Black and Latinx rents the hardest (2). We have a corporatized healthcare system unable and ill-equipped to provide basic healthcare and fostering increasing inequities (3). And we have a policing system rife with systemic and structural racism.

In spite of all the anger and yes—hate—we can train in compassion. We train in order to RELEARN to relate to ourselves, others, and the world around us from a place of understanding and compassion rather than from excessive judgment. Full disclosure: I can more easily extend compassion and well-being toward the sheep. It’s the leaders who perpetuate social and ecological injustices for greed, selfishness, and political gain who I have trouble with. 

SEE BEHIND: THE INTENTION TO BE OPEN TO THE FIELD OF LOVE

For this I turn to the teachings of Andrew Dreitcer, Associate Professor of Spirituality, Director of Spiritual Formation, and Co-Director of the Center for Engaged Compassion. I attended his workshop at the 2016 International Symposium for Contemplative Studies, hosted by the Mind & Life Institute (4 and 5). 

Using a thousand-year-old Christian early morning practice, he led us in a process of INTENTION to be open;  i.e., when we are not capable of compassion, but we truly desire to be available to the presence of love, for ourselves and others. 

First centering ourselves, he asked us to seek within us one word that could focus us on the intention to be open. 

That word—our mantra—was then the focus of our meditation for the next 20 minutes, the idea being that throughout the day when anger or fury arose and compassion for our fellow human beings was nowhere to be found, we could return to this word with the intent to extend compassion. 

I find this process very hopeful—and helpful. Instead of throwing myself on the rocks for my lack of compassion, I can at least stay in this space of intent, knowing it is an ancient monastic tradition where it just might lead me into a “connection with an eternal, loving presence,” as Andrew called it.  

SEE BEHIND: COMPASSION VS. EMPATHY

At that same conference, Geshe Thupten JInpa of McGill University spoke on “Understanding the Psychology Behind Compassion Meditation.”

Compassion is a natural sense of concern that arises within us when confronted with another’s suffering and then feel motivated to see that suffering relieved. 

It’s comprised of three parts: first there’s the understanding that someone IS suffering; second, we feel an emotional connection; and third, we are motivated to see the suffering relieved. And this third piece of “doing” includes the prayerful act of practicing lovingkindness toward another, of wishing the other well by connecting spiritually to our common humanity.

A significant difference between empathy and compassion is that third step:  empathy takes us to the place where we enter emotionally into someone else’s suffering; we focus on the problem and the experience of it. If we stay in this emotional swirl, we can easily shift into “empathy burnout”. 

We manifest compassion, however, when motivated to relieve that suffering; it takes on an ethical quality—a way of being. 

A solution to the personal distress of empathy burnout is to shift empathy to compassion. Empathy can take a form of “feeling for” vs. the “feeling with” of compassion.  

SEE BEHIND

On the word lovingkindness, meditation author and teacher Sharon Salzberg says that while the word includes “a deep acknowledgement of connection [with someone], it doesn’t mean you like them or approve of them; it doesn’t demand action; it doesn’t mean being sweet, with only a sugary ‘yes’” to that which contradicts who we are.

“Compassion,” she continued, “rests on the shared understanding that we are all quite vulnerable. In life there is nothing we can hold on to” as permanent, all is always changing. 

Whatever your experience is, sit mindfully with it experience nonjudgmentally, asking your higher self what you can do to mitigate the suffering around us. You may just sit there and breathe, expressing goodwill toward that person. You may find yourself walking away. You may find yourself at a demonstration, facing exposure to teargas. 

I encourage you to see behind: to see behind someone else’s comments and actions—and your own. Train in shifting that energy within you from excessive judgment to compassion and lovingkindness.

Notes & Sources: 

1. https://www.fastcompany.com/90536152/calculate-how-many-seconds-it-takes-jeff-bezos-to-earn-your-annual-salary; https://www.salon.com/2020/07/24/as-laid-off-workers-face-a-financial-cliff-amazons-jeff-bezos-grows-13-billion-richer-in-one-day_partner/
2. https://www.healthaffairs.org/do/10.1377/hblog20200730.190964/full/
3. https://www.who.int/features/factfiles/health_inequities/en/#:~:text=Health%20inequities%20are%20differences%20in,right%20mix%20of%20government%20policies.
4. ISCS “brings together scientists, scholars, artists and contemplatives to explore distinct though overlapping fields of research and scholarship, using a multidisciplinary, integrative approach to advance our understanding of the human mind.” This blog includes thoughts from a previous blog I wrote in 2017.
5. The mission of the Mind & Life Institute is to alleviate suffering and promote flourishing by integrating science with contemplative practice and wisdom traditions. https://www.mindandlife.org/mission 

About the Author: Rev. Mary Coday Edwards is a Spiritual Growth Facilitator and People House Minister. A life-long student of spirituality, Mary spent almost 20 years living, working, and sojourning abroad in Asia, Southeast Asia, East Africa, and Latin America before finding her spiritual connection at People House and completing its Ministerial Program. Past studies include postgraduate studies from the University of South Africa in Theological Ethics/Ecological Justice, focusing on the spiritual and physical interconnectedness of all things. With her MA in Environmental Studies from Boston University, abroad she worked and wrote on environmental sustainability issues at both global and local levels, in addition to working in refugee repatriation.

Major Depressive DO is one of the most commonly diagnosed mental health issues in our world today.

Most patients are treated with a combination of medications and therapy, and many people experience an improvement in their symptoms. However, many do not. Or sometimes, this treatment works for a while, and the depression starts to return. Medications may be adjusted, and a different therapeutic approach tried. These are generally accepted practices, and I encounter many clients who are comfortable with the idea that, “I simply have a chemical imbalance, and I must accept it and maintain my treatment.” This is successful treatment, and I am thankful we have behavioral and medical treatments to aid our clients.

What if we instead see depression as a spiritual crisis, a “dark night of the soul” that springs from living an unfulfilling life devoid of meaning, or from a lack of deep personal connections with other human beings?

What if I have a sense of not belonging to my family, my friend group, my work team?

And what if I just continue to live my life, going through each day stoically, telling myself there is something wrong with me, that other people seem happy, that I just need to keep going and be grateful for what I have? This seems to be an acceptable course of action for many people, but what if, for some people, there are ongoing feelings that there could be more to life, but they have no idea how to accomplish it?

Depressive symptoms often include a sense of emptiness, a lack of enjoyment in life, a sense of worthlessness or hopelessness, disengagement from social connections, and a feeling that life challenges and obstacles are just too great to be overcome. So many people tell me, “I am just overwhelmed. All I can do is cry. Or sleep.”  Depression often comes after major life changes or losses, and can sometimes be intertwined with grief. Depression often accompanies chronic pain or disabilities. Depression is a part of trauma and anxiety related disorders.

Therapeutic empathy is a big part of the therapeutic bond. 

It can be challenging to simply be with another’s pain without wanting to fix it. However, studies have shown, and most clients will affirm, that it is the therapeutic bond which is the most important part of healing for the client.  It shows that the therapist can be present with the suffering of another human being, that or she is not suffering alone.

This is spiritual connection, being a fully present witness to another’s pain without trying to get right to work on healing it. Acceptance of the pain and struggles of life can be the first step to healing it.

Although therapists are trained to only disclose personal information to a client when absolutely necessary, I believe that sometimes it can be helpful to disclose our own struggles with depression, substance use, or other mental health issues. This can help in creating a sense of equality between the client and therapist, and when there is a sense of equality, there can be a therapeutic bond as well as a spiritual bond that can be healing for the client. There can become what the mystic Martin Buber called the I-Thou relationship, in which each person is involved in creating a sacred, healing bond.

Spiritual tools used in therapy can include asking clients to try meditation, if they aren’t already practicing meditation. I encourage my clients to meditate, and sometimes will practice with them in session. We talk about the goals of meditating, and why it can be so helpful with depression. Depression takes us away from our higher and deeper selves, the spirit and soul that are our true selves.

I like to think of spirit as being our higher self, the expanded and free self that has perspective and knows that “this, too, shall pass.”

The soul is our inward, deep self, quiet and filled with eternal peace and wisdom.  These essences surround and fill our physical bodies, but when we are depressed, we have forgotten-or never knew- these parts of ourselves that, as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, can never be hurt or damaged. Meditation can open us up to our essence, our inner peace and outer knowing, that eternal aspect of ourselves that cannot be hurt or suffer.

Yoga, Tai Chi, or martial arts practices can be helpful in healing depression, and serve as true mind/body/spirit practices that will often unleash some deeply held feelings in our bodies. I will never forget a yoga session during which “Pigeon Pose” caused a huge outpouring of tears that was nearly uncontrollable. I was embarrassed to be weeping in front of other people, but the teacher came to me, put her hands on my back, and just sat with me till the tears stopped. I didn’t know what was happening, or why. She explained that I had been holding on to some hurt, and it was in the parts of my body stretched by the pose. I was able to explore this through journaling and gained an understanding of what painful memories I had been carrying in my hips. True mind, body, spiritual healing.

Here is a list of some of my favorite mind/body/spirit teachers and authors:

Mona Lisa Schultz

Jack Kornfield

Tara Brach

Eckhart Tolle

Thich Nhat Hanh

Faye Maguire, MA, LACC, is a People House private practitioner working with youth and adults, using a transpersonal approach to therapy. Counseling is her second career, after being a business owner for nearly 30 years. She enjoys working with people experiencing life transitions, grief and loss, depression, anxiety, trauma, addictions, relationship issues, and figuring out life’s direction, using a holistic approach. Please contact her at 720-331-2454 or at fayemaguire@gmail.com for more information.