This same friend also told me many times prior to this declaration that to gain this same God’s favor, I needed to submit to the male church leaders of my church and to my husband. And that my purpose in life was to support the men on their life’s journey. And that if my desires and thoughts ran counter to these men, well, mine were wrong and I needed to change. And that I needed to be nicer. Blah, blah, blah.

So, when Tom made this pronouncement, I chose to ignore him.

Later, though, I fell into the via negativa, or apophatic theology, through John of the Cross’ teachings on the dark night of the soul. 

Apophatic and Cataphatic Theology 

Simply put, apophatic theology involves defining or knowing the Divine through negative statements. Cataphatic theology is a cascade, a gushing forth of words that refers to or defines what the Divine is believed to be—positive statements. Both are necessary.

Apophaticism, or via negativa, says we cannot know Divinity’s essential nature (ousia), Its ESSENCE. But we can form an idea about the Divine through Its activities (energeias) in the world. A vein of via negativa runs through all major religions (1).

As an example: To say the Divine is Love, immediately brings up our human understanding and experience of love. We anthropomorphize the Divine—we attribute human characteristics or behavior to the Divine. 

In other words, we create God in our own image—sacred scriptures call that blasphemy.

The apophatic spiritual discipline then negates that cataphatic, or positive attribute: “The Divine is Love. But the Divine is NOT Love. God IS and IS NOT Love.” Because we can’t know what the Divine is NOT, we also cannot declare Its negation to be absolute. It serves as a reminder to walk with humility.  

Religious literalists reject and condemn any negation that clashes with ritualistic and time-honored theology and doctrines.  

Another example, taken from Christendom: God is a Mother Bear (Hosea 13:8). That’s an easy one for Christians to negate. But God as Father (Matthew 6:9)? No negating that. God. Is. A. Father.

Apophaticism fosters humility, compassion, and dialogue with all our species—including the natural environment

It’s a starting point, a jumping off place, to talk to people about the Divine, especially to those who claim to know explicitly what God is—claims which you may find insulting. It’s a way to open up the lines of communication. Some religious institutions don’t allow for the mysteries and the mysticism of spirituality. The congregants are kept as children, with an exactitude of God—and often this God with its accompanying worldview aren’t fitting anymore.

Gordon Kaufman (2) says religions are prone to blind spots. He names two within the world’s monotheistic religions (pages 76-78).

The first is related to how we’ve attributed human characteristics to the Divine, in particular, images and metaphors peculiar to the male human existence: God is pictured as lord, king, creator, judge, and father. God is an agent, an actor. 

Human beings are defined not by their relationship to the natural world around them, but by their unique relationship to this creator—whom scriptures declare humans are made in the image of. The world revolves around a “humankind center—a manlike!—center,” and nature provides the stage setting for the drama acted out between the Divine and humans.

Kaufman’s second problem he outlines is that a hierarchical order emerges, especially when the monarchial metaphors dominate—those of king or emperor. Sometimes God is depicted as a virtual despot who rules by arbitrary fist.  This religious stance can have serious social and political consequences.

• It can produce authoritarian personalities, with power and knowledge ordered down through the hierarchal layers of society.
• Those who know (or believe they know) what God wills have “inside information” on the ultimate arrangement of the universe and, therefore, feel authorized to carry out whatever action is necessary to accomplish this.
• To “serve God” is to impose this order on whatever appears disobedient or rebellious. Humans take themselves to be agents of God on earth and work hard to impose their ideas of right and good on others who disagree.
• They work hard to “subdue” the earth, which can easily lead to the unthinking exploitation of the earth’s natural resources—the natural environment in which we all live and depend upon for our existence.

Silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation. Rumi

In my world with its instant and constant flow of words—words around me and in my head—I find much comfort when I sink into those words spoken by Rumi, a 13^th century Sufi and Persian poet. They quiet my mind, my body, and my emotions. 

But others need Catherine of Siena: “You [God] are a fire that takes away the coldness, illuminates the mind with its light, and causes me to know your truth and I know that you are beauty and wisdom itself.”

Both are necessary. Neither are absolutes. Be gentle with yourself and others as we walk together on the journey life has given us. Sit mindfully with its conundrums (6). 

Quoting Rumi again, and in this context, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there” (from “A Great Wagon”).

Notes & Sources: 

1. While Wikipedia is not a reliable and scholarly source, it can be a good jumping point for further research: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apophatic_theology
2. Kaufman, Gordon D. In Face of Mystery, A Constructive Theology. Harvard University Press, 2006.
3. Anonymous. The Cloud of Unknowing. Late fourteenth century. 
4. Armstrong, Karen. The Case for God. Random House, New York, 2009.
5. Turner, Denys. The Darkness of God. Cambridge University Press, 1998.
6. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, says, mindfulness is “paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally, to the unfolding of experience moment to moment.”

 ___________

About the Author: Rev. Mary Coday Edwards is a Spiritual Growth Facilitator and People House Minister. A life-long student of spirituality, Mary spent almost 20 years living, working, and sojourning abroad in Asia, Southeast Asia, East Africa, and Latin America before finding her spiritual connection at People House and completing its Ministerial Program. Past studies include postgraduate studies from the University of South Africa in Theological Ethics/Ecological Justice, where she focused on the spiritual and physical interconnectedness of all things. With her MA in Environmental Studies from Boston University, abroad she worked and wrote on environmental sustainability issues at both global and local levels. In addition to working in refugee repatriation, she was an editor for international, English print, daily newspapers in Indonesia and Mexico.

It’s heavy. I know I feel it. I’m guessing that we all do.

We may be feeling the stress and anxiety of this moment and this whole year for various reasons but I think we can all agree that this is really hard and we are suffering. Simply acknowledging our collective experience honors our common humanity. Still… individually we feel bad and no amount of doom scrolling makes us feel better. Thankfully, “the path to emotional freedom starts with kindness toward the suffering ‘self’” (Germer, 2009). This post offers a guided self-compassion practice that blends together the work of Tara Brach, Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer and gently accompanies us through the rough waters of individual and collective suffering and across to kinder, softer banks of loving-kindness and self-compassion.  

The instructions for this practice are based on the teachings of Tara Brach, which are represented in the acronym RAIN. The “R” in RAIN stands for recognizing what’s happening right now. We might be experiencing a moment of tightening or contraction related to blaming or judging ourselves or thought distortions like black and white thinking or ruminating over something that happened recently. We may even declare to ourselves things like “everyone here hates me” or “I don’t belong anywhere”. Recognizing requires some experience with mindfulness in order to be able to notice when we find ourselves in that negative pattern. The “A” stands for allowing whatever we’re experiencing to be just as it is and making space for it. When we are able to notice that what is being experienced is a moment of suffering, we have the opportunity to acknowledge it to ourselves by saying something like… “This feels hard right now” or “this is difficult” or whatever words feel comforting. This is how we can begin to weave in kindness for ourselves. The “I” invites us to investigate what we might be experiencing with a gentle attention, noticing, for example what we may be feeling in the body. This gives us to chance to remind ourselves that suffering is a part of life. We might say to ourselves “This is normal. Lots of people feel this way too in this situation… this is a part of being human”. And finally, the “N” in RAIN stands for nurture.

We want to nurture and care for what we are experiencing with kindness and compassion.

It’s important to spend time finding some soothing words or phrases to call upon when in the nurture stage. Saying something, silently or out loud, to ourselves like, “It’s ok. It’s going to be ok. I’m here for you.” Choose words that feel true for you. If that feels difficult, the following is a script might be helpful:

This is a short- guided compassion practice that offers ideas for soothing ourselves in moments of stress or suffering. To begin, find a comfortable position in whatever way feels the best to you in this moment. Once you feel settled in, go ahead and allow yourself to relax. Take a few long slow deep breaths and allow yourself to be fully present. Feel the floor or the chair beneath you, and try to relax into it. Remind yourself that, in this moment, right now, you are safe and it is okay to relax.

When you’re ready, begin to become aware of your natural breathing and keep your focus there for a few moments. Take your time. Next, when you’re ready, bring to mind a time when you’ve experienced a stressful event or a moment of suffering or even remember any negative phrases or thought patterns you may struggle with.

When you have this in mind, recognize what is happening in you and be the witness of your experience – notice how your body responds and how you feel. And now, allow however you feel about these thoughts or memories to be what it is and stop to offer yourself some care here, by saying “This is uncomfortable” or “I notice I feel tense about this”.

Now give yourself some time to investigate this discomfort, what does it mean, where do you experience it? And then, again, stop and acknowledge that you are not alone, saying something like “Suffering this way is normal. Lots of other people experience these difficulties just like I do.” Check in with yourself and breath… maybe put your hands on your face or some place on your body that might feel comforting, just like you would for a child or beloved pet or a friend who is hurting. Pause and share this kind of loving touch with yourself. Include some soothing words like “It’s okay… everything is fine. I’m here for you”. 

Now, check in again and notice how you feel. Do you feel lighter? Or is there heaviness related to the situation that is lingering? If it is still there… it’s okay… remind yourself again that this feels really hard, it’s difficult and that it is also completely normal and part of being human. And again, offer soothing, kind words of care… “it’s okay, I’m right here, this too shall pass and I’ll still be here with you”. Soak in your kind words and thank yourself for them. When you are ready, go back to your mindful breathing and then bring your awareness back into the room, with an awakened sense of knowing that, in this moment, all is well. 

References:

Brach, T. (2013). The RAIN of Self-Compassion. Retrieved from https://www.tarabrach.com/selfcompassion1/

Germer, C. (2009). The Mindful Path to Self‐Compassion. New York: The Guilford Press. 

Neff, K., and Germer, C. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. New York: The Guilford Press\

Michelle is a mother, a partner, a friend, a spiritual seeker, a psychotherapist and someone who enjoys connecting with herself using a mindfulness meditation practice. She has a BA in Communications and Humanities from the University of Colorado and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a concentration in Mindfulness-based Transpersonal Psychology from Naropa University. Michelle’s practice, Soul Care Counseling, offers mindfulness-based practices that support clients seeking to become less anxious, less stressed, less reactive and more grounded, present and connected with their own inner ally. As a result of their work together, clients are able to communicate with themselves and others with greater clarity, care and compassion.  https://soulcaredenver.com/

How will you navigate what’s next? We’re more than six months into a pandemic with more months to come, even with the promise of a vaccine. 

Anger: A secondary reaction to pain, not good or bad—but what you do with it

1-TURN OFF THE NEWS. I cannot stress this enough. We as a species come packaged not only to love, but to grieve loss. We are equipped to mourn. But we are not equipped to take in all the pain that comes from a continual exposure—visual and verbal—to what we hear and see nonstop through television, print news, and social media. Turn off or silence updates for your phone, tablet, and laptop. I recommend checking news feeds once in the morning, and then again once in the afternoon—not late at night before you go to bed. Anger, tension, and anxiety are formidable bunkmates to a good night’s sleep.

We grieve RBG’s death. Many voice extreme anger at where our current administration is taking the country. Anger is almost always a secondary reaction to pain—physical pain (a stubbed toe), emotional pain, and pain of injustices—either toward oneself or toward others around you and the physical world. And now we have a sitting president whose out-sized debt may possibly compromise our national security.

Are we puppets of the media world? Stooges? Roger Ailes, former chairman and CEO of Fox News, used repetition, “the oldest and most effective propaganda technique.” In that sense, he created the news of the day. His listeners believed nothing else mattered in the world or in their lives. Ailes attracted viewers who “did not want television to tell them what happened in the world. They wanted television to tell them how to think about what happened in the world—the news itself would be secondary” (1).

Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.

2-WHAT GIVES YOU LIFE? What gives you peace and contentment? Search out what interests you—it might take some digging. Visit on-line art exhibits. Some have taken to gardening, others cook or bake, and others develop musical skills. Just because someone raves about how gardening has opened up a whole new way of living for her, that doesn’t mean it’s your way—I have personally sent far too many plants to an early death. I do pull invasive species, however. I know I’m contributing to the greater good of the planet by allowing our native species the space and moisture to flourish, along with the bees, butterflies, insects, and birds that exist symbiotically with the native plants.

3-PRACTICE MINDFULNESS. Or any kind of spirituality that brings you comfort. No right way exists for meditation. You can sit on or off a cushion, use a kneeling bench, walk, recline on the floor. A point of mindfulness is to accept your current situation, your path, your Dao, your emotions, without judgment, and to quiet your monkey brain from all its chatter. 

Check in with yourself on a regular basis. What keeps you connected to your soul? This requires paying attention to the wisdom from our bodies. When emotions fill our chest, head, shoulders, heart—stop and pay attention. Ask yourself, “What do I need?” And be prepared to live with mystery, to live that question. Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.

Have the hard conversation: “Are you socially distancing? Do you wear a mask?”

4-CONNECT. And after you ask those difficult questions, make decisions based on protecting your own health and those around you. Even the most introverted need some community—some interaction with humans. Talk with friends or family on the phone; connect through Zoom or Google Hangouts. Technically savvy people use Zoom and play games with others, using apps such as jackboxgames.com. 

5-EXERCISE. MOVE. What gets your energy jumping? Dance videos? Karaoke? Move to what gives you joy. Plan how you will be outdoors for those facing an onset of colder weather. 

6-EXTEND COMPASSION—to yourself and others. See my August People House blog for ways to train in compassion.

Get your affairs in order

7-And one more item to bring peace of mind and contentment: get your affairs in order. And age doesn’t matter. As an ordained minister, I’m called upon to assist when people begin thinking of passing, how they will write this next chapter of life. The National Institute of Aging lists four components of end of life planning: 1) completing an advance directive (AD) or living will, 2) appointing an individual with durable power of attorney for health care, 3) having a document for distribution of assets, and 4) specifying preferences for type and place of care (3). These apply to younger adults also, with the addition of providing for any dependent children.

No one likes to think of death and dying or discuss this with loved ones. But make it easier on everyone concerned by being a responsible adult. Take control of these decisions as much as you can.

If we’ve learned anything from this sudden upheaval of our lives, it’s that life is unpredictable. It is indeed a mystery to be lived.

Notes & Sources: 

1. Gabriel Sherman, The Loudest Voice in the Room: How Roger Ailes and Fox News Remade American Politics. 2014. Random House.
2. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/05/magazine/fly-casting-on-city-streets-is-weird-thats-why-i-love-it.html
3. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/getting-your-affairs-order

About the Author: Rev. Mary Coday Edwards is a Spiritual Growth Facilitator and People House Minister. A life-long student of spirituality, Mary spent almost 20 years living, working, and sojourning abroad in Asia, Southeast Asia, East Africa, and Latin America before finding her spiritual connection at People House and completing its Ministerial Program. Past studies include postgraduate studies from the University of South Africa in Theological Ethics/Ecological Justice, focusing on the spiritual and physical interconnectedness of all things. With her MA in Environmental Studies from Boston University, abroad she worked and wrote on environmental sustainability issues at both global and local levels, in addition to working in refugee repatriation.

March 2020

My daughter has come to stay for a week.  She needs a respite to heal from a car accident.  It is a blessing for me.  Happily, a respite for her means working together on projects.  My back deck is now a haven to enjoy with colorful flowerpots, fresh herbs, an umbrella covered table nestled in one corner, and a grill.  Working together we have hauled flagstone and hand built tiered garden beds, dug the clay, filled it with compost and planted vegetables and herbs. 

Most news I receive is by email.  What seemed like a far away concern has now become a serious issue.  The coronavirus is causing a world wide ‘shut down.’  We are advised to ‘stay at home’ and wear masks when going out.  Stores and restaurants are closing down, flying is precarious and so my daughter decides to stay a bit longer.  Bags of frozen fish, canned goods, and cleaning supplies are added to my shopping list to shorten trips to the store.

My refrigerator terminates and we salvage what food we can in a couple of coolers in the garage.  Rats, I just filled up my frozen section!  What a time to have it go out.  It is a couple of weeks without refrigeration before I find a business that is willing to come inside and install a new refrigerator.  Within minutes of the new one being stocked my garbage disposal goes out.  Leaking from the bottom an inch deep of water covers the floor of the cabinet.  It has to be fixed pronto in order to use the kitchen sink.  My patience pays off after a masked trip to Home Depot waiting in long lines and talking with four different service personnel trying to figure out how to give me a refund for an unneeded refrigerator part while my daughter retrieves the new disposal.  With her strong arms and ingenuity, she has it fixed and the house is humming once again.  

Every day there is more news about the novel virus spreading and I hear people having trouble with feelings of isolation with the ‘stay at home’ order.  For me, nothing has slowed down.  There are waves upon waves of situations popping up that need prompt attention.  

April 2020

My cousin is in the hospital with Covid-19.  I learn that he came down with a high fever and within the week he is in the hospital on a ventilator.  So much about his condition and the virus is unknown.  I hear some good news from his sister.  It is a little over a week since he has been in the hospital and his oxygen and CO2 levels, blood work and organ functioning are normal.  The sedatives have been lowered and he opens his eyes.  They want to take him off of the ventilator but his breathing is not sufficient.  His sister tells me one day his vitals are up and the next day they are down.  His sisters and family are experiencing grief and pain not only because of worrying about his condition but also at not being allowed to be with him.  The doctors are doing their best to figure out what treatments to give him.  He has been given hydroxychloroquine and plasma from recovered patients.  His condition suddenly worsens.  He is not waking up.  We prayed and were hopeful. Within three weeks, he has expired.  It all seems to have happened so fast.  The doctors and nurses caring for my cousin have come to know him.  They make an exception and benevolently allow his wife and son to say good-bye as they remove the ventilator.

The strangeness of this virus is incomprehensible.  My heart is heavy and weeps for my cousin, his wife and son and his sisters.  A beautiful gentle soul, he is no longer with us.  

May 2020 

Reality has become surreal.  Each day there are more stories about the spread of the virus, the precautions to take, the empty shelves and people stocking up on essentials.  I plan my outings so that I don’t need to go very often.  The recreation center has been closed.  Restaurants are taking a beating with some closing for good.  My book club has gone to Zoom meetings as has my office.  Other groups are not meeting at all.  It is quieter….everywhere. 

For the moment, the quiet does not disturb me.  I see how others are struggling and hear about all of the deaths.  It is so hard for the families not being able to be with their loved ones as they go through this illness or to be with them as they pass.  It gives me a greater appreciation for the safe enclave where I live and what I have.  My heart reaches out to give solace, hope and care.

I’m observing the reactions of people and have been asked to do a podcast on the effects the shutdown and fears of Covid-19 are having on people.  The fears are more than the virus.  People are dividing depending upon their fears, beliefs and values.  The situation is shining a lens on whatever fears and beliefs have been hidden.  Some people are concerned about getting the virus or unknowingly giving it to someone else.  Others are concerned that their freedoms are being impinged upon.  Whatever is valued most is being unhinged.

There is an ominous foreshadowing as the fear spreads.  Tensions are rising.  It is as though the world has succumbed to a thick sickening green pallor, a ubiquitous deep silence is enveloping and blanketing consciousness.  It is the stillness before hail pellets drop and the furious swirling funnel of turbulence rips and tears at the earth and psyche of humanity.  

June 2020

On May 25^th George Floyd dies at the knee of a policeman.  Fury is unleashed in citizens all over the world at injustice.  Marches assemble and groups protest.  Chaos intensifies.  Consciousness is raised and focused on rectifying the discrimination that black and minority groups have endured.  The Black Lives Matter movement is far reaching and aims to bring liberty, justice, and freedom for black lives.  There is push back against the movement and against the police.  Some take it upon themselves to instigate violence.  Divisions and sides are taken with blame being projected in all directions. 

Disagreements between friends and families cause ruptures in relationships.  It might be about how to deal with the virus, or the protests, or the economy, or corruption or what the heck is the truth.  What one person holds as a value or sees as a truth is at odds with others.  It is surprising to feel the enormous animosity and anger when a person’s intrinsic safety, beliefs, values and way of life are confronted.

July & August 2020 

As if the virus, the protests, the loss of jobs and businesses are not stressful enough another existential challenge faces us.  Fires, floods, hurricanes of immense magnitude and derechos strike one after another causing the loss of homes, beloved forests, property, crops and the livelihood of many.  The destruction and tearing down of the stability and structures that have been relied upon is unfathomable.  With millions of people out of a job, people isolated and confined, or homeless the rate of anxiety, depression and suicides has increased.  A pervasive hopelessness ensues.  

It does not matter what strata of society one comes from, this sense of despair and uncertainty is affecting people from all walks of life.  Michelle Obama spoke about how her sleep has been off and how she goes through periods of emotional highs and lows where she just doesn’t feel like herself.  She described it as a form of “low-grade depression.”  She expressed her anguish at witnessing the enormity of racial injustice and the effects of the virus on all levels of people’s lives.  As any one of us suffers, we all suffer.  

An Existential Wake-Up Call

Depression is an energy that stops you cold, in your tracks.  When it does, it is a call to wake up and see what is happening around you.  Humanity is experiencing an existential crisis.  It is the feeling that one’s very existence is threatened.  At the fundamental core of your psyche, you feel the shakiness and fragility of being human.  With so many forces creating instability, chaos and change, it is impossible to not be affected in some way.

The existence we once knew is no longer.  We have exploited the resources of the earth by opening up gaping holes, tearing down mountains, destroying land and water supplies with little thought to the consequences.  We have been using toxic chemicals to wipe out insects, poisoning the land and water and in turn are poisoning ourselves.  People are sick.  Their immune systems are suffering.  We have lost our relationship to the creatures and elements of the earth.  We have upset the natural balance and the interdependence of life that we depend on.    

Sadly, we have forgotten our kindred relationship to each other, to our fellow humans.  Relationships are suffering.  We have forgotten how to care and support one another in our striving for independence and the determination to be rich and successful at all costs.  It is Costing us Greatly.  It may cost us our very existence.

It is right to be depressed because that energy, which slows you down says, “Look around you, look inside of yourself, something is out of kilter.”  The time is up for self-interest that includes heartless detachment, prejudice, discrimination, greed, hatred and careless unmitigated derision of resources and people.  

Fear is at the core of survival.  What is your relationship with fear?  Our mode has been to resist it, fight it, suppress it and run away from it.  It is in resisting it rather than meeting it with understanding that creates the destruction we are engaged with.  When you sit with your fear, what does it speak about?  What can you learn from it?  How do you react to it?  Learning about your fear will tell you much about your relationship to life.  

Yes, these are challenging and pretty scary times.  I look back on March and see how the wee problems that occurred in my life are simple and easy to solve.  The larger ones are upon all of us now.  It calls for us to reach out to one another no matter what another’s values are or the culture they have come from.  Learn about the people around you.  What challenges and fears do they have?  What do they care about?  What do you care about?  Find the higher aspects of yourself.  Face your fears with compassionate care.  

We are all waking up from a very long slumber.  Our fears have been driving us over the edge.  A portal of opportunity has opened for us to look deeply within and realize that fear is not an enemy.  It is here to help us survive.  It does not need to control us nor destroy us.  

As you get familiar with the driving scared parts of yourself and relate to them it opens up other health giving vital aspects that have been waiting to arise.  Beautiful expressions of calm, caring, friendly, loving, confident, wise, creative and playful facets are allowed to emerge.  

Can you imagine what happens when you allow these parts of yourself to express?  Can you imagine what it feels like to be in harmony with people and in balance with nature?  Crossing this threshold takes you into a new wondrous dimension.  You can do it if you want to.  It starts with befriending your fears.

Dorothy Wallis is a former intern at People House in private practice with an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She is a Psychotherapist, Clinical Hypnotherapist and an International Spiritual Teacher at the forefront of the consciousness movement for over thirty years grounded in practices of meditation, family systems, relationships, and emotional growth.  Her work reflects efficacious modalities of alternative approaches to healing for individuals and couples based upon the latest research in science, human energy fields, psychology, and spirituality. 

As a leader in the field of emotional consciousness and the connection to mind, body and spirit, her compassionate approach safely teaches you how to connect to your body, intuition and knowing to clear emotional wounds and trauma at the core.  The powerful Heartfulness protocol empowers your ability to join with your body’s innate capacity to heal through holistic Somatic, Sensory and Emotional awareness.  www.TheDorWay.com and www.Heartfulnesspath.com 

People refuse to wear masks, thus endangering the lives of our more vulnerable from Covid. Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos added $13 billion to his net worth in a single day, while his company paid just a little over 1% in taxes in 2019, despite the United States 21% federal tax rate on corporations (1). An estimated 19 to 23 million individuals are at high risk of being evicted from their homes by the end of September, hitting Black and Latinx rents the hardest (2). We have a corporatized healthcare system unable and ill-equipped to provide basic healthcare and fostering increasing inequities (3). And we have a policing system rife with systemic and structural racism.

In spite of all the anger and yes—hate—we can train in compassion. We train in order to RELEARN to relate to ourselves, others, and the world around us from a place of understanding and compassion rather than from excessive judgment. Full disclosure: I can more easily extend compassion and well-being toward the sheep. It’s the leaders who perpetuate social and ecological injustices for greed, selfishness, and political gain who I have trouble with. 

SEE BEHIND: THE INTENTION TO BE OPEN TO THE FIELD OF LOVE

For this I turn to the teachings of Andrew Dreitcer, Associate Professor of Spirituality, Director of Spiritual Formation, and Co-Director of the Center for Engaged Compassion. I attended his workshop at the 2016 International Symposium for Contemplative Studies, hosted by the Mind & Life Institute (4 and 5). 

Using a thousand-year-old Christian early morning practice, he led us in a process of INTENTION to be open;  i.e., when we are not capable of compassion, but we truly desire to be available to the presence of love, for ourselves and others. 

First centering ourselves, he asked us to seek within us one word that could focus us on the intention to be open. 

That word—our mantra—was then the focus of our meditation for the next 20 minutes, the idea being that throughout the day when anger or fury arose and compassion for our fellow human beings was nowhere to be found, we could return to this word with the intent to extend compassion. 

I find this process very hopeful—and helpful. Instead of throwing myself on the rocks for my lack of compassion, I can at least stay in this space of intent, knowing it is an ancient monastic tradition where it just might lead me into a “connection with an eternal, loving presence,” as Andrew called it.  

SEE BEHIND: COMPASSION VS. EMPATHY

At that same conference, Geshe Thupten JInpa of McGill University spoke on “Understanding the Psychology Behind Compassion Meditation.”

Compassion is a natural sense of concern that arises within us when confronted with another’s suffering and then feel motivated to see that suffering relieved. 

It’s comprised of three parts: first there’s the understanding that someone IS suffering; second, we feel an emotional connection; and third, we are motivated to see the suffering relieved. And this third piece of “doing” includes the prayerful act of practicing lovingkindness toward another, of wishing the other well by connecting spiritually to our common humanity.

A significant difference between empathy and compassion is that third step:  empathy takes us to the place where we enter emotionally into someone else’s suffering; we focus on the problem and the experience of it. If we stay in this emotional swirl, we can easily shift into “empathy burnout”. 

We manifest compassion, however, when motivated to relieve that suffering; it takes on an ethical quality—a way of being. 

A solution to the personal distress of empathy burnout is to shift empathy to compassion. Empathy can take a form of “feeling for” vs. the “feeling with” of compassion.  

SEE BEHIND

On the word lovingkindness, meditation author and teacher Sharon Salzberg says that while the word includes “a deep acknowledgement of connection [with someone], it doesn’t mean you like them or approve of them; it doesn’t demand action; it doesn’t mean being sweet, with only a sugary ‘yes’” to that which contradicts who we are.

“Compassion,” she continued, “rests on the shared understanding that we are all quite vulnerable. In life there is nothing we can hold on to” as permanent, all is always changing. 

Whatever your experience is, sit mindfully with it experience nonjudgmentally, asking your higher self what you can do to mitigate the suffering around us. You may just sit there and breathe, expressing goodwill toward that person. You may find yourself walking away. You may find yourself at a demonstration, facing exposure to teargas. 

I encourage you to see behind: to see behind someone else’s comments and actions—and your own. Train in shifting that energy within you from excessive judgment to compassion and lovingkindness.

Notes & Sources: 

1. https://www.fastcompany.com/90536152/calculate-how-many-seconds-it-takes-jeff-bezos-to-earn-your-annual-salary; https://www.salon.com/2020/07/24/as-laid-off-workers-face-a-financial-cliff-amazons-jeff-bezos-grows-13-billion-richer-in-one-day_partner/
2. https://www.healthaffairs.org/do/10.1377/hblog20200730.190964/full/
3. https://www.who.int/features/factfiles/health_inequities/en/#:~:text=Health%20inequities%20are%20differences%20in,right%20mix%20of%20government%20policies.
4. ISCS “brings together scientists, scholars, artists and contemplatives to explore distinct though overlapping fields of research and scholarship, using a multidisciplinary, integrative approach to advance our understanding of the human mind.” This blog includes thoughts from a previous blog I wrote in 2017.
5. The mission of the Mind & Life Institute is to alleviate suffering and promote flourishing by integrating science with contemplative practice and wisdom traditions. https://www.mindandlife.org/mission 

About the Author: Rev. Mary Coday Edwards is a Spiritual Growth Facilitator and People House Minister. A life-long student of spirituality, Mary spent almost 20 years living, working, and sojourning abroad in Asia, Southeast Asia, East Africa, and Latin America before finding her spiritual connection at People House and completing its Ministerial Program. Past studies include postgraduate studies from the University of South Africa in Theological Ethics/Ecological Justice, focusing on the spiritual and physical interconnectedness of all things. With her MA in Environmental Studies from Boston University, abroad she worked and wrote on environmental sustainability issues at both global and local levels, in addition to working in refugee repatriation.

Abraham Lincoln’s words are as true today as when he spoke them. “A house divided against itself, cannot stand.” We must heal or this sickness will continue the chaos and destroy our nation and us. My heart hurts and this pain won’t easily go away and won’t until we care and recognize we are one humanity. 

Today, I see a glimmer of hope.  I see people of all colors standing for a change that needs to happen, for justice, equality, and treating each and every person with respect.  Most people protesting are doing so in a peaceful way to raise awareness of the tragic injustice happening to black and disenfranchised groups of people.

We have a long way to go.  Storms of violence have spread across the nation.  It is painful to see violence, and it is a reflection of the violence against human lives that has been fostered through oppression. There are those that are fighting for their life.  When you have been shoved down and your anguish and pleas have been ignored the buried rage to survive bursts out often in exceedingly destructive ways.  You may judge it or not understand it but this reaction comes from a natural will to live and for justice to be enacted.  Desperation causes desperate acts.

Desperation Causes Desperate Acts

Fear Closes the Heart

There is another insidious element of malicious violence that is being incited to create division and separation.  There are those that do not want peace and harmony or justice and equality.  Their racism stems from fear and entitlement.  It closes one’s heart to the suffering of others.   Cold hatred lashes out with a desire to keep others down.  These people do not want change or unity.  They manipulate the view of the protests and create more fear and retaliation by threatening rhetoric or by intermingling with peaceful protesters and agitating violence by setting fires, looting and causing destruction.    

As we know, violence begets violence and although the chaos is bringing an awareness that we cannot ignore, it is also breeding more hatred and misunderstanding.  All attacks against protestors, bystanders, journalists, police, shop owners, and neighbors are toxic.  None of the violence and destruction is acceptable or will bring peace.  What to do? 

Open to the Pain

This can only be solved by adjusting our consciousness away from the mental distortions of fear and into the depths of our heart.  This means

feeling the pain, despair, futility, and sense of powerlessness that is held within our fellow humans.  At the deepest core of our being, we must open ourselves to feeling the suffering we cause each other through our defensive nature of separation.  It takes courage to move beyond conditioned fear and to reach for understanding and compassion.  Justice will prevail when we stand up to the truth of our dysfunction.  When will we see that championing equality with the right to life and liberty benefits everyone?  

Can you not see that if you hurt another, you hurt yourself as well?  We are interdependent.  What I do affects you and what you do affects me.  Our nation and our world are out of balance because we believe we must compete, outwit, dominate and fight.  These are primitive behaviors that no longer work.  We are destroying ourselves.  Let’s stop the hatred.  Let’s lift each other up and care for one another. 

Allow Feeling to Connect You

The world has rapidly changed.  We are connected globally and we cannot go backwards into some past that really wasn’t just.  In this mechanized world, will we succumb to numbness and ignore the pain caused from righteous indignation?  Will we lose all of our feeling and with it our connection to one another?  If we do not learn how to care, cooperate and empower one another, we will perish.  Let’s realize that our unique differences are valuable gifts that strengthen all of us.  Will you allow yourself to feel?

My heart aches….and that is good.

Dorothy Wallis is a former intern at People House in private practice with an M.A. in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She is a Psychotherapist, Certified Relational Life Therapist, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, and an International Spiritual Teacher at the forefront of the consciousness movement for over thirty years grounded in practices of meditation, family systems, relationships, and emotional growth.  Her work reflects efficacious modalities of alternative approaches to healing for individuals and couples based upon the latest research in science, human energy fields, psychology, and spirituality. 

As a leader in the field of emotional consciousness and the connection to mind, body and spirit, her compassionate approach safely teaches you how to connect to your body, intuition and knowing to clear emotional wounds and trauma at the core.  The powerful Heartfulness protocol empowers your ability to join with your body’s innate capacity to heal through holistic Somatic, Sensory and Emotional awareness. 

www.TheDorWay.com and www.Heartfulnesspath.com