Four years later with a degree in Philosophy, and some hefty student loans, I was just as lost as ever. I read the books and studied the great thinkers, but I was still lacking a sense of meaning. I wish I could say that has changed now, but that wouldn’t be entirely true. Although now I’ve learned to revel in the journey of meaning and purpose, seeing it more as a voyage than a destination. I’ve started to reject the idea that somewhere lies ‘the answer’, and I’m working on accepting the unknown. For me, this has proven to be ‘good enough’. 

In many ways, this is why I chose to become a social worker, and now a therapist – because much of my meaning rests in human connection, self-discovery, and a continued pursuit of knowledge. This is my purpose; these pursuits give me meaning. This is not to say that I am walking around on a rainbow of bliss every day, but it does give me some hope and freedom, and sometimes that’s really all we need. 

Often, we get so caught up in looking for ‘the answer’ to our struggles, that we get stuck. And when we become stuck, we lose our connection to meaning and purpose. We get angry and upset, we judge ourselves, and we create narratives to support the idea that we have no purpose.

The unfortunate piece is that when we create these false narratives, we deny ourselves the simple pleasure of being. This blocks our ability to discover and live in our purpose.

I think one way that we can begin to discover our purpose and meaning is to radically accept ourselves for being the perfectly imperfect humans we all are. The idea of radical self-acceptance comes from Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT), founded by psychologist Marsha Linehan, and in its essence it’s a fairly simple concept: a complete and total acceptance of who we are, the reality we occupy, and that we are all bound by the same rules of nature. Perhaps most importantly, radical self-acceptance encourages us to recognize that pain does not need to turn into suffering, and that life is worth living even during moments of hardship. This is not to say that we should accept things that we can change or allow others to cause us hurt or harm; it simply means that once we accept ourselves and the world around us, we can see clearly, and when we have clarity, we can begin to recognize our purpose. 

There is no doubt that life is filled with struggles. It’s also filled with joy… and so much more. Every day is filled with its own unique ups and downs. The journey to finding meaning and purpose is a daily practice, as is radical acceptance. Challenge yourself to consider what it might look like to begin accepting yourself for who you are, your flaws and talents, your good days and rough ones. You may just create enough space to discover your true meaning and purpose.

Samantha Camerino (she/her) is the owner of Nomad Therapy Services. She uses a “Person in Environment” approach, addressing not just the individual, but also exploring the environmental, societal and historical components that may be impacting self-growth. She has nearly a decade of experience working with persons struggling with an array of challenges such as depression, anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, trauma, et. al. Currently, Samantha conducts sessions in the office or online, and she also encourages ‘walk & talks’ and meeting in outdoor settings. If you are interested in learning more about the Nomad approach, visit her website at www.nomadtherapyservices.com or email her at samantha@nomadtherapyservices.com.

ll By Michelle LaBorde, MA, LPCC

In his book, “A New Earth: Awakening to your Life’s Purpose” Eckart Tolle teaches that our “inner purpose is to awaken. It is as simple as that. You share that purpose with every other person on the planet – because it is the purpose of humanity”.  This is the basic, fundamental aspiration of transpersonal psychotherapy… for the transpersonal counselor to walk with the client in whatever way and to whatever degree or level that supports the client’s spiritual journey toward awakening and connecting with their highest Self.

There are eight basic assumptions about a transpersonal approach to psychology that can be viewed as the “underlying principles that unite transpersonal therapists” according to Brant Cortright in his book “Psychotherapy and Spirit: Theory and Practice in Transpersonal Psychology”. While there are many approaches that come under the umbrella of transpersonal psychology, they all assume that:

1. Our essential nature is spiritual.

2. Consciousness is multidimensional.

3. Human beings have valid urges toward spiritual seeking, expressed as a search for wholeness through deepening individual, social, and transcendent awareness.

4. Contacting a deeper source of wisdom and guidance within is both possible and helpful to growth. 

5. Uniting a personal conscious will and aspiration with the spiritual impulse is a superordinate health value.

6. Altered states of consciousness are one way of accessing transpersonal experiences and can be an aid to healing and growth.

7. Our life and actions are meaningful.

8. The transpersonal context shapes how the person/client is viewed. 

Cortright argues that “Traditional psychology has focused on motivational hierarchies – survival needs, sex and aggression, the need to integrate feelings and impulses, finding intimacy, developing a cohesive self, and actualizing the self’s potentials through meaningful work and activities. Transpersonal psychology completes the process by putting this motivational path into the context of a spiritual journey”.  The goal of the spiritual journey is greater consciousness for us as individuals and “from a transpersonal perspective, consciousness heals”.  

Religions, philosophies and healing traditions throughout human existence have played a role in shaping how we view our life’s purpose during our short time here on Earth and all these wisdom traditions have given direction with regard to our spiritual journey. “As soon as you rise above mere survival, the question of meaning and purpose becomes of utmost important in your life”, Tolle says. The field of transpersonal psychology seeks to, via scientific research, integrate mind, body and spiritual practices in support of transcendent experiences that offer access to what might be referred to as the soul, the spirit or our deeper, ancient wisdom in this essential search for meaning and purpose. Carl Jung, who is recognized as the founder of transpersonal psychology was deeply interested in transpersonal phenomena from the time he was a child and spent his career mapping the human psychological evolution toward individuation or wholeness.  Thanks to Jung’s work, a transpersonal psychotherapist might recommend dream work, with its rich language of symbolism, archetypes and collective metaphor, for example, as way of offering a client a window into their interior life. As the field has evolved, a variety of practices and experiences have been identified that serve to open the window to our greater awareness and consciousness. Mindfulness practices, including meditation, are probably the trendiest and most touted by the mainstream right now but yoga, exercise, hypnosis, psychedelic substance induced experiences and even sex all present opportunities to help break us free from our heads and the trappings of the world and introduce us to our own higher nature or as Tolle says, invites us into “the peace of God”. 

The simplest moments – admiring a sunset, watching a baby sleep – can be seen as a holy instant where we are gifted with an opening to our true essence. “The world can penetrate us if we let it. If we relax our habitual anxieties for a moment and all our ideas about the world, all our interpretations, and just let ourselves see and hear it as it is, then we can feel the living energy of the world. We connect ourselves directly to it. This experience of direct connection might seem extremely simple, but it can affect us profoundly” writes Jeremy Harward. This wisdom is transpersonal. It invites us to step out of grasping, habitual thought patterns which keeps us separate from receiving divine direction and from connecting with our higher Selves and others. Connecting to the living energy of the world is our work as human beings, and this work is well facilitated by a transpersonal psychotherapist.

Resources:

Cortright, B, (1997). Psychotherapy and Spirit: Theory and Practice in Transpersonal Psychology, New York: State University of New York Press.

Friedman, H. L., & Hartelius, G. (2013). The Wiley-Blackwell Handbook of Transpersonal Psychology, NY, NY: John Wiley & Sons. 

Hayward, J.W. (1998). Discovering basic goodness. In Sacred world: The Shambhala way to gentleness, bravery, and power (pp. 1-13). Boston: Shambhala Publications.

Tolle, E. (2005) A New Earth: Awakening to your Life’s Purpose. New York: Penguin (Kindle version)

About Michelle

Michelle is a mother, a partner, a friend, a spiritual seeker, a licensed psychotherapist and someone who enjoys connecting with herself and her higher Self within a mindfulness meditation practice. She has a BA in Communications and Humanities from the University of Colorado and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a concentration in Mindfulness-based Transpersonal Psychology from Naropa University. Michelle’s practice, Soul Care Counseling, offers mindfulness-based practices that support clients seeking to become less anxious, less stressed, less reactive and more grounded, present and connected with their own inner ally. As a result of their work together, clients are able to communicate with themselves and others with greater clarity, care and compassion.  https://michellelaborde.com/

At the time, I was experiencing a lot of inner turmoil — a rocky relationship, an unfulfilling and draining career, and an immense amount of stress and dissatisfaction as a result of these things.

To help recenter myself, I decided to reflect on the things that fed my soul. So, I grabbed a notepad and pen and got to work. 

I was surprised to discover that the things that mattered most to me were, in fact, not “things” at all. They were more like principles, or abstract concepts that were important to me. I was also surprised at just how many I came up with in such a short amount of time — in fact, I wrote down about 20 of them in less than five minutes. 

I didn’t know it then, but I was already grasping at something that would help guide me in my future therapeutic practice — well before I even started my journey as a therapist-in-training. That “something” is a little thing called “values.”

What are values?

Defining the word “values” is a little tricky for me, because it’s both a familiar yet hard-to-describe concept. In a nutshell, a value is any sort of principle that holds personal meaning and helps guide individuals toward a more fulfilling life. Put more succinctly, Dr. DJ Moran, a clinical psychologist who specializes in acceptance and commitment therapy, defines “values” as “chosen life directions.”

Values are not the same thing as objects, nor are they end goals. Rather, they are themes that we can work toward to achieve a more meaningful life. 

Values are a central theme of acceptance and commitment therapy, also known as “ACT” (pronounced “act”). I find the acronym for this type of therapy to be quite fitting, as ACT aims to help people act in accordance with their values to promote change within their lives. According to Dr. Russ Harris, an ACT trainer and acclaimed author, ACT believes that “values-based living” is very much intertwined with well-being, health, and vitality. 

Why values matter

What’s beautiful about values is that we all have them. Getting clear on our values can help us not only understand ourselves better, but it also helps us better understand what brings us purpose. 

Essentially, values matter because they promote change. They help guide us toward an enriching and meaningful life. They can help us make decisions that are in service of our highest selves. 

As a bonus, I believe that naming our values is empowering. Knowing what we stand for can help develop a sense of agency and personal responsibility for our lives.  

As a therapist, working from a values-driven perspective helps me better understand each and every individual’s needs. I may hold different values from my clients based on differences in upbringing, culture, ethnicity, spiritual beliefs, gender identity, life experiences, or personality. I don’t think any value is invalid, nor do I believe that there is such a thing as a “good” or “bad” value. The beauty of ACT is that we can all name and explore our unique values as individuals and let them serve as a compass for our lives. 

Looking back on that sunny day in my kitchen, I realize that certain circumstances in my life were not serving me — or, more specifically, they were not serving my values. Taking actions that are more closely aligned with my values has helped me gain a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. It doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle, and it certainly doesn’t mean that everything is happy and easy all of the time. However, I find that I am willing to embrace those struggles, because deep down I know that my soul is on the right path. In fact, examining my values ultimately led me to pursue counseling as a career!

If you are feeling lost, directionless, or dissatisfied with certain aspects of your life, I invite you to pause. Take a moment to reflect on your values. Better yet, jot them down so you can actually see them on paper. 

If you need some help getting started, the Values Card Sort activity is a simple tool you can use to help you identify your values. You can find the instructions for this activity here.

Gina Henschen (she/her) is an Affordable Counseling Intern at People House and a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling candidate at the University of Colorado Denver. She has experience working with adults through a variety of issues including disordered eating, trauma, depression, and anxiety. In her spare time, she finds grounding and comfort in all things outdoors, including climbing, hiking, skiing, camping, and gardening. Some of her core values include connection, authenticity, and contribution. You can reach her at ginahenschen@peoplehouse.org to connect.

A presidential inauguration is just one type of ritual among many. This post invites readers to consider making ritual a regular part of our everyday lives, wrapping the small, quiet moments of life in sacred meaning and creating a space where the soul waits. “Ritual maintains the world’s holiness. Knowing that everything we do, no matter how simple, has a halo of imagination around it and can serve the soul enriches life and makes the things around us more precious, more worthy of our protection and care.” These are the words of Thomas Moore, from his book Care of the Soul: A Guide to Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life, which inspires us to consider that the soul has requirements for thriving, one of which is ritual. Making ritual accessible is the invitation here, which begs the question; what are the basic ingredients for creating and honoring the sacredness of our daily lives through the practice of ritual?

I spoke with Boulder psychotherapist Merryl Rothaus, MA, LPC (see bio below) about this idea of the basic ingredients for creating ritual. She’s an artist and a believer in the healing potential of ritual and has been practicing the art of ritual with clients and in her personal life for years. In our recent phone conversation, Merryl shared with me what she believes the basic ingredients for ritual might be… remembering that there is so much freedom in it for each of us to explore for ourselves too. 

Intention

Merryl suggests that the first ingredient is to have an intention to make something in your life sacred or special. This could be as simple as intentionally setting a beautiful table for yourself for dinner each night or lighting a candle in the morning to illuminate your day. The options are endless… allowing intention to imbue our daily activities with focus and meaning is the point. Intention also helps us bypass the psyche and move out of the mind. Ask yourself… what do I want to welcome in to honor this moment or this activity? And how do I want to show up in it?

Witnessing

The next ingredient is to bring a spirit of collaboration to the space we intend to create. This means having an understanding of an I-Thou relationship, or as Merryl says “to invoke something outside ourselves… a Thou such as Mother Earth, the land, our ancestors, Spirit, God… there’s a witnessing component that is important here, because we are not alone. It’s important to remember and connect with the unseen realm”. Get quiet and ask yourself who or what would feel helpful to ask to join you in this ritual? 

Action

The third basic ingredient is to take an action. This can be, as suggested earlier, as simple as lighting a candle. Doing so creates a threshold or a bridge, beckoning us to cross from who we’ve been or who we are into a quiet space of not-knowing. In the language of mindfulness study, taking action signals a time to be still and step into presence. Merryl points out that “Ritual, brings presence, it is absolutely not necessary to be present already before engaging in ritual…  the ritual itself can infuse us with presence and connect us with life energy”. With this in mind, what action would feel meaningful to you in order to signal the start of your ritual and offers the possibility of stepping into the Now? Traditional options include burning incense, reading something meaningful, spending time in prayer, honoring a keepsake and connecting to the energy of it or simply sitting in silence. 

Author David Richo says that “a ritual enacts a newfound consciousness, making its deepest reality proximate and palpable. It sanctifies the place we are in and the things we feel by consecrating them to something higher than the transitory”. Try it yourself… explore how incorporating daily rituals opens up possibility and “newfound consciousness” in your life. 

Resources:

Moore, T. (1994). Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life. New York, New York: HarperPerennial.

Richo, D. (2002). How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving (1st ed.). Shambhala.

Merryl E. Rothaus, LPC, LMHC, ATR-BC, CHT, is a licensed psychotherapist, a registered and board-certified art therapist, a certified Hakomi therapist, and a Somatic Experiencing and Brainspotting practitioner. She is also a dedicated Meditation Practitioner and a Shamanic Practitioner. She is currently working on a book about her journey and attempts toward motherhood and what it is like to be a “Mother Without Children”. You can learn more by visiting her website https://www.merrylrothaus.com/ or by following her on Instagram @merrylrothaus.

Michelle is a mother, a partner, a friend, a spiritual seeker, a psychotherapist and someone who enjoys connecting with herself within a mindfulness meditation practice. She has a BA in Communications and Humanities from the University of Colorado and an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with a concentration in Mindfulness-based Transpersonal Psychology from Naropa University. Michelle’s practice, Soul Care Counseling, offers mindfulness-based practices that support clients seeking to become less anxious, less stressed, less reactive and more grounded, present and connected with their own inner ally. As a result of their work together, clients are able to communicate with themselves and others with greater clarity, care and compassion.  https://soulcaredenver.com/

In fact, this reliance on a higher power is one reason many people find themselves turned off by 12 step programs, saying they aren’t religious or don’t believe in God. Others find the whole process of self -disclosure to others to be too painful or embarrassing. But 12 step programs work for many, many people. These people find healing in the connection to the divine, as well as in the sharing of personal loss and grief with others who have experienced similar suffering under the grip of an addiction.

Both of these experiences are spiritual in nature.

Acknowledging that we often don’t know what’s best for our lives is humbling, and surrendering to a God that loves and cares for you, and wants only the best for you can be freeing, a letting go of the false self.  The paradox is that it is only in surrender that we find true freedom. Being in community with like- minded others is often the basis for having meaning and purpose in life.

The process of self -exploration that is encouraged in 12 steps is where the healing begins, as addiction is usually a way of avoiding deep emotions, deep pain. 

An addiction, any addiction, is a way of escaping life and its many challenges.

Sharing this healing process with others also struggling with an addiction is a mutual recovery process. It is one that acknowledges that we are not alone in our struggle, because others are seeking connection with us as well. Connection to the divine often comes through connection with others.

Spiritual guidance and healing is available outside of 12 step programs, as well.  Beginning a new spiritual practice, such as yoga, t’ai chi, or meditation, or prayer can lead us into safe space to confront our fears, loneliness, or past trauma. Spiritual therapy that focuses on gently exploring past trauma and fear can help us learn to accept the fear, integrate it, and become more compassionate to ourselves. Having a spiritual counselor with whom you have a healthy bond and who you trust completely is an important part of this process.

The acknowledgement of the spiritual component in healing seems to come at the expense of the disease model of addiction, which sees heredity as a big part of substance use. It sees addictions a simple imbalance of brain chemistry. Both the disease model and the spiritual model are true, and not mutually exclusive. Addiction is a physical craving, and the physical component of addiction is real, with real symptoms.  Very few people can simply stop a habit, with no support. Our support people are God in action, God’s hands and heart on earth. 

Mindfulness is a habit that we can develop to help cope with addiction.

In many ways, addiction is the opposite of mindfulness. We ignore our higher selves to listen to a craving that wants to destroy us. When we are mindful, we stop and listen to both voices, the healthy self and the addicted self, and then we make a choice. Every minute, every day, we are at choice point: that is living mindfully. We might still choose to use, but we are not mindlessly using out of habit, or because it hurts too much to not use. Tomorrow, we might make a different choice, one that starts a new habit.

One of the best books on addiction I have read is Gabor Mate’s, “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.”

Faye Maguire, MA, LACC, is a People House private practitioner working with youth and adults, using a transpersonal approach to therapy. Counseling is her second career, after being a business owner for nearly 30 years. She enjoys working with people experiencing life transitions, grief and loss, depression, anxiety, trauma, addictions, relationship issues, and figuring out life’s direction, using a holistic approach. Please contact her at 720-331-2454 or at fayemaguire@gmail.com for more information.