What if this summer wasn’t about pushing harder, accepting that you’re suddenly “just too old and tired” to feel good, or pretending everything’s fine…
What if it was about coming back to life?

Not all at once. But gently, intentionally—step by step. Yes, getting professional help is always recommended, but in the meantime, or in conjunction with that help, here is a simple, 3-phase plan you can use to start rebuilding your energy, clarity, and joy in just 90 days.

Phase 1 (Weeks 1–3): Stabilize

Your goal: Feel steady and supported in your body and mind

• Sleep better: Add calming habits before bed—magnesium, less screen time, and deep breathing to help reset your nervous system.
• Hydrate + nourish: Fuel your body with whole foods and water. Eat to care for your future self, not to meet a standard based on weight or size.
• Get checked: If your stress has triggered fatigue, brain fog, or irregular sleep, consider a hormone check or wellness consult. Sometimes it’s not just stress—sometimes something more is going on that needs to be addressed.

Remember: Small shifts create momentum. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s building a stable foundation.

Phase 2 (Weeks 4–6): Reconnect

Your goal: Start feeling like yourself again

• Move daily: Walk. Stretch. Dance. Lift something heavy. Movement clears stress and brings you back online. Nothing fancy is required! 10-30 minutes is all it takes.
• Name the contrast: If you feel stuck, do something that feels freeing. If you feel weak, build strength. Let your actions reflect the version of you you’re becoming.
• Find Friends: Connecting with others is essential for mental health. Friendships aren’t built in a day, so have realistic expectations. Instead, make it a practice to smile, say hi, or connect with at least three people a day.

When you move your body, your mind follows. Confidence builds through action, so just keep moving!

Phase 3 (Weeks 7–9): Rebuild

Your goal: Reclaim joy, purpose, and connection

• Clear space: Let go of what drains you. Create space in your calendar, home, and head. Rearrange your furniture. Paint a wall. Get a new bedspread. Make it feel new!
• Connect with something new: Take a class, visit a museum, or explore a new part of the city. One weekly adventure that takes you out of your comfort zone can make a difference.
• Choose what matters: Rebuild your routines around what fuels you—nature, learning, service, quiet mornings, laughter.

You don’t have to go back to who you were. Let yourself evolve! You are becoming someone new, wiser, and more aligned.

Start Today—Because You Deserve to Feel Better Tomorrow

You don’t have to wait until everything’s perfect to begin. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to take one small step—today. Because the sooner you start caring for yourself with intention, the sooner you’ll feel like you again. This isn’t about going back—it’s about rising forward. And in just 90 days, you can feel much more clear, calm, vibrant, and empowered.

You’ve been through enough. Now it’s time to rise!

Lora Cheadle is a former attorney turned betrayal recovery coach, inspirational speaker, and author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self and It’s Not Burnout; It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP and Thrive. She empowers women to rebuild confidence, self-trust, and joy after betrayal—on their own terms and in their own time. Discover more at www.LoraCheadle.com. 

If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you know my work focuses on sex and relationships. But here’s the thing: the way we do one thing is often the way we do everything. So, this topic isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It applies just as much to friendships, jobs, situationships, or even casual encounters.

What comes to mind when you think about moving on? Is it a feeling of loss? A sense of liberation? Perhaps a bittersweet mix of grief and release? The truth is, there are countless ways to interpret moving on, each one deeply personal.

When I reflect on moving on, I’m often conflicted. There’s the excitement of new possibilities, but also the sadness of leaving something behind. Sometimes it’s someone or something I admire. Other times, it’s the painful realization that I’ve lost—whether it’s something I loved or a part of myself.

We are, all of us, a collection. A collection of experiences, stories, feelings, and sensations. These elements are like the instruments in an orchestra, creating the haunting, sad, and beautiful music that is our life. And like any song, every moment eventually comes to an end. This isn’t a pessimistic view—it’s a reminder of life’s transient beauty. The constant ebb and flow of life brings us knowledge and growth. 

That knowledge reassures us that bad relationships will end and difficult times will pass. At the same time, it reminds us to cherish the love we have just a little more deeply. This awareness can also enrich our intimacy and deepen our shared sexual and emotional connections.

Every person you meet has something to teach you. Every obstacle has the potential to make you stronger. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. When I look in my own rearview mirror, I’m proud. Proud of what I’ve learned. Proud of the strength I’ve discovered in myself. But let’s be real: when we’re faced with a new lesson, it’s natural to think, Haven’t I learned enough? Why does this have to hurt so much?

If that resonates with you, know that I see you. I’ve been there. Looking back in the mirror, you might see devastation, pain, and hurt. That perspective is valid. But I encourage you to also see the person who endured. Someone who is wiser and stronger for what they’ve been through. As you look back, try to send forgiveness and love—to the situation, to the people involved, and most importantly, to yourself.

In the end, what objects in the rearview mirror truly look like depends on how you choose to see them. So, look back when you need to, but don’t forget to also look forward. What’s ahead just might surprise you.

About the Author: Rick Garcia (he/him) is the owner of Cannabased Coaching & Wellness. Rick started his career in the healing arts as a licensed massage therapist in 2005. Looking for a shift he transitioned to HIV prevention and has worked in sexual health for 11 years. Realizing the gap in sexual health and sexual fulfillment Rick became a certified sex coach and sexologist so that he could help people explore their ideal sexual self while remaining as safe as possible. His sex coaching services are holistic and combine elements such as talk, somatic exercises, the MEBES model, cannabis and a variety of other modalities. When his wellness center opened he decided to have another arm available for massage therapy. To learn more about Rick’s services please visit www.cannabasedcoachingandwellness.com or contact him at cannabasedcoachingandwellness@gmail.com.

Think about it. Hasn’t it always been worst follows best follows worst follows best on a never-ending roller coaster ride? Sometimes, it’s true, I get stuck in wanting to stay in the “best” forever; the promotion after the big successful project at work, the new born babe after the 9 month slog of pregnancy, the house completely spring cleaned from baseboards to ceiling, not a spot of dirt to be found.

And yet, I sometimes forget how I got to those “best” places, those highs, those crests of the wave where I look out and survey all that I see as my “success” and acknowledge (maybe silently) how good I am. I forget that there was all the planning, intuitive problem solving, the obstacles in the project that looked invincible until, oh, someone offers a different perspective which gets my wheels turning in a different way and smashes the roadblock. And of course, how much fun it was to create a baby (at least, I hope it was fun) and to experience the miracle of a woman’s body swelling and changing on a journey to birthing new life. As for the clean house, all the activities that took place in the safety, warmth, shelter of a roof and four walls, the meals, the gatherings, the pet playtime, the running, gaming, arguing, clashes, silence, and at the core, unconditional love of a couple or family, however it looks. Would I give up all of that to have a clean house 24/7?

It truly is the metaphor of surfing, being at the wave’s crest is exhilarating, intoxicating, joyous, however, staying there, stopping all the momentum of riding the wave down, would require divine intervention and more than that, might negate the thrill of everything I got to experience in getting to that crest; jumping in the water, standing on the board successfully for the first time (that was a crest!), falling off only to discover the water was receptive and buoyant and in some cases, warm. The entire buildup to the cresting, when I look back on it, was actually THE FUN part. The crest was just an acknowledgment of the effort, the recognition of the willingness to go through all of the before part. For truly, if that wasn’t the case, what’s the point to the crest at all?

Back to “it’s never done.” Thank God. This means it’s never just one crest I get to experience, but several, sometimes back to back, and sometimes, months or even years in between. I will admit that a few decades ago, I was depressed. As a writer at the time, I worked on a short story about a woman (weirdly, my age) taking a bath (again weirdly, something I loved to do), mulling over the monotony of her life — get up, dress, eat, work, eat, work, eat, watch TV, go to bed, lather, rinse, repeat. And when she finally gets out of the tub, she slips and falls, hitting her head and … well, I left it up to the reader to decide if she got knocked unconscious or really died. Depressing, huh? That’s exactly how I saw it. “It never ends,” struck fear in my heart.

Luckily, my own story took a different turn. I found Yoga and Buddhism, meditation and community, all driven by an intuitive sense that something else was possible. I stopped telling myself that doing all the mundane tasks of life were boring, when actually, they were, after all, the tasks that made up life itself. If I weren’t doing them, I’d be dead. Getting out of bed in the morning became interesting, exciting; cooking became enjoyable, and eating more so. The acts of cleaning, sweeping, dusting, mopping, started to be satisfying in themselves (though I still at times become wistful about how quickly the spotlessness will be gone). However, my vision expanded and soon, starting a short story became as fun as finishing one. Until, that is, I began looking for publication, for accomplishing a final step, “putting it in stone,” grasping at the day I would write a one-hit wonder novel that would set me up for life, and I would never have to write again. Well, going for publication did just that — looking for an end to writing did indeed end it. I got stuck wanting a crest and dropped doing all the fun prep work of continuing to write.

That is, until “it’s never done” showed up. Hence, this blog you are reading. I’m finally getting it that there is no final point where all the tasks are finished. At each moment, something is finished (parking the car, saying goodbye, completing a purchase), and something is beginning (a new web search, a new meal, a wipe of the countertop), and, for each of these, they are done … until they are not. It’s another way of saying, there is no beginning, there is no end.

And so it continues. For surely, someone is going to leave a dirty dish in the sink, the babe is going to start to walk, the company is going to pivot and a job will be lost. And it all starts again, because life is never done. I now can relax in knowing that the continuation, the ever-changing process of living means just like the surfer’s knees that reflexively, intuitively bend to absorb the changes in the wave, I can simply bend my mind (thank you “Matrix”) and let go of any finality of “endings” and live in the beauty of beginning, and ending, again, and again, and again, and again.

About the Author: Beth Hinnen came to the spiritual path from the corporate world. After experiencing impermanence and greed, she left to study Yoga and has over 1,000 hours in Yoga teacher training, and ended up specializing in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, spiritual scripture that closely aligns with Buddhism. From there, she studied Zen Buddhism for over ten years, including in-person, month-long monastic retreats, until she earned certification, in January, 2023, as a Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. Currently, Beth is a co-leader of the IMCD Council, and on the Teachers Collective, as administrator. She hosts a Meetup group called Yoga Meets Buddhism, and for the past three years, has held an online Dharma Wednesdays class that discusses the Yoga Sutras while also bringing in Buddhist teachings, along with Sufi poets, Christianity, Judaism and other spiritual paths that reinforce the words of Sri Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga where Beth studied. “The truth is one, the paths are many.” More information about Beth is at www.samayaco.org.

Being me, I couldn’t help but connect this experience to life, relationships, and, yes—sex. It got me thinking about how the human experience mirrors a garden. So let’s lean into it.

In life, we’re constantly planting seeds. With every choice, connection, and intimate encounter, seeds are sown—some we nurture for ourselves and others that grow unexpectedly, touching lives beyond our own. Not every seed sprouts in our presence or in ways we imagine, but each has a purpose, feeding the ecosystem of our lives and those around us.

Sexuality, as a form of intimacy, is also a way we plant seeds. Through these intimate acts, we can sow trust, vulnerability, passion, and even healing. Sometimes, the physical and emotional openness we share leaves seeds of connection and self-discovery, even if the relationship doesn’t last.

The seeds we plant may not always blossom in our lifetime. Especially in relationships, the love, intimacy, or even tough lessons we leave with someone can grow beyond the immediate. Every intimate experience has the potential to be transformative. A moment of vulnerability or a shared revelation can become the spark of growth in a partner’s future. At other times, an unfulfilled relationship or a painful breakup can push us down a path of self-discovery, ultimately leading us to become more whole.

We’re not just the gardeners; we’re also seeds ourselves. Every relationship we experience—including the painful or challenging ones—plants seeds within us. Perhaps you had a “bad” partner, or maybe you were the one who hurt someone else. Rather than seeing these moments as purely negative, consider how they contribute to who we are today. Often, the seeds of sexuality, love, and intimacy become sources of deep personal insight. My own journey, in many ways, has been born out of a need for healing from past relationships. These were seeds that caused me pain, pain I didn’t ask for. But with time and distance, I can see how those difficult experiences led me to healing and understanding, not only for myself but also for others. What would life be like if we stepped back and looked at our experiences like this? What if we saw chaos but knew that it was creating harmony on another level?

When we’re hurt, especially in intimate relationships, we become more mindful of what we need and deserve, developing resilience and self-awareness. Sometimes, being a “bad” partner—or recognizing that we weren’t the partner someone else needed—prompts us to make real changes so our future relationships can thrive. Every difficult experience prepares us for deeper, more fulfilling connections.

Just like any garden, a relationship and sexual connection need rich, nurturing soil to thrive. If you’ve experienced painful seeds, feel uncertain about what you need from love or intimacy, or even feel lost in patterns that keep repeating, it may be time to tend to that “soil.” Talking with a coach or trusted guide can provide the nourishment, clarity, and tools needed for a fertile foundation, transforming past hurts into a source of strength and new growth.

Whether you’re healing from past wounds, nurturing a new relationship, or striving to understand your needs more deeply, consider reaching out for support. Plant your seeds with care, both for yourself and others. And if your garden needs a little help, know that support is just a call or message away.

About the Author: Rick Garcia (he/him) is the owner of Cannabased Coaching & Wellness. Rick started his career in the healing arts as a licensed massage therapist in 2005. Looking for a shift he transitioned to HIV prevention and has worked in sexual health for 11 years. Realizing the gap in sexual health and sexual fulfillment Rick became a certified sex coach and sexologist so that he could help people explore their ideal sexual self while remaining as safe as possible. His sex coaching services are holistic and combine elements such as talk, somatic exercises, the MEBES model, cannabis and a variety of other modalities. When his wellness center opened he decided to have another arm available for massage therapy. To learn more about Rick’s services please visit www.cannabasedcoachingandwellness.com or contact him at cannabasedcoachingandwellness@gmail.com.

As I went through Yoga teacher training, I heard lots of different aphorisms and sayings, attributed to this and that culture, or this or that spiritual teaching. With the world on fire this year, what with multiple wars, economic chaos, political strife, assassination attempts, this saying keeps coming back to me.

When I first heard it decades ago, I was told it was a “ancient Chinese” curse. And I didn’t believe it. Why would it be a curse to live in fortunate times? Isn’t that what we are all hoping for, wishing for, working toward? To live in a beautiful house with a beautiful family, beautiful possessions and a bank account to support such things? Fortune means comfort and safety and good times. Wasn’t that the whole point of being put on this crazy earth in the first place? After all, even Job, post all his doubt and misfortune, got back his wealth once he was made an example.

Not so, in Eastern philosophy. To me, all the scriptures I’ve read point to one thing: wealth, true wealth, wealth that cannot be taken away, destroyed, or stolen, is the understanding, the recognition that what animates me, animates the Universe. This animation, this being-ness, is the only thing that is truly valuable. And lucky us, that is what we are. When we recognize that, we suddenly want to do anything and everything to maintain that awareness. For without this being, all the “valuables” in the world have no value at all.

Back to the saying. Why would it be a curse to live in fortunate times? Because fortunate times often result in sloth, gluttony, indulgence (think, height of Roman Empire, or the 1980s), which breeds unconsciousness and suffering. The focus in such times is away from being and awareness and instead, is glommed onto the external, possessions, grasping, greed. Which brings what the internet is batting about as the “ancient Chinese” curse, “May you live in interesting times.” And while I agree we are living in interesting times (and have been since at least the pandemic); I choose not to see it as a curse, and hold it instead as a blessing.

Take for instance, nature. It is how it works. The autumn leaves on trees are most colorful after a drier summer; grapes for wine develop much more robust and complex flavors when the weather fluctuates more widely. And from Anais Nin, “There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom.” Pain, or suffering, is the most compelling way nature, the universe, Life, gives us to risk blossoming.

And so, these interesting times call on us to be our best. These times require courage, honesty, integrity, faith, charity, and selflessness. They call for us to dig deep, to find out that, what we truly are — awareness, being-ness — can not be destroyed, lost, or forgotten. In these interesting times, we don’t have to do something, rather, we allow ourselves to be, and in being we will seamlessly receive the wisdom, love and compassion needed to act in each moment appropriately. This is what happens when we stop focusing on external and come home to the internal wonder of our True Nature of Being. And how Being acts, is through love.

So take a moment, right now, and turn away from the news cycle; take a deep breath; and say “I love you” to the nearest living, breathing being, especially if that Being, is you.

About the Author: Beth Hinnen came to the spiritual path from the corporate world. After experiencing impermanence and greed, she left to study Yoga and has over 1,000 hours in Yoga teacher training, and ended up specializing in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, spiritual scripture that closely aligns with Buddhism. From there, she studied Zen Buddhism for over ten years, including in-person, month-long monastic retreats, until she earned certification, in January, 2023, as a Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. Currently, Beth is a co-leader of the IMCD Council, and on the Teachers Collective, as administrator. She hosts a Meetup group called Yoga Meets Buddhism, and for the past three years, has held an online Dharma Wednesdays class that discusses the Yoga Sutras while also bringing in Buddhist teachings, along with Sufi poets, Christianity, Judaism and other spiritual paths that reinforce the words of Sri Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga where Beth studied. “The truth is one, the paths are many.” More information about Beth is at www.samayaco.org.

Human nature is complex. We yearn for progress, yet we hold onto what we know to be familiar to us.

This is done on both a conscious and subconscious level. This dichotomy is evident in various facets of our lives, including relationships, career aspirations, and personal development. Clients often seek my help because they want to move forward, to evolve, experience new sensations, to break free from stagnation and old patterns. Yet, there is that point in the coaching process when they look at the real possibility of change and they encounter resistance, hesitation, and sometimes even fear.

But why do we resist change, even when we know it’s for the better? One reason is the inherent discomfort that accompanies stepping out of our comfort zones. Change disrupts our routines, challenges our beliefs, shifts our values and forces us to confront aspects of ourselves we may have been avoiding. It requires effort, vulnerability, and a willingness to embrace the unknown.

Something to keep in mind is that within discomfort lies the potential for growth, fulfillment, and profound transformation. Just as a muscle must be stretched to grow stronger, so too must we stretch ourselves emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to reach new heights. Change invites us to expand our perspectives, explore new possibilities, and discover untapped reservoirs of strength within ourselves.

So why do we hold onto patterns or ways of thinking that no longer serve us? 

Well, as I said above, our subconscious and consciousness reinforce our choices. As humans, our minds will hold onto the negative more than we do to the positive. Why do we do this? So that we can be safe.  Having behaviors that do not serve us is common; everyone has something that doesn’t serve them. While these behaviors or patterns may not serve us, we’ve learned to navigate life with them. We know how to survive with it. We might be sitting in total chaos, but it’s chaos we know. It’s chaos that we can control and anticipate (to one degree or another). It’s not healthy, but it might be all we know. Taking out those routines that don’t serve us could lead to a better life, but we don’t know how that will look or feel. For some people, the pain of where we are is easier than the pain of uncertainty. Moving away from it causes an anticipation of pain.

But does this mean that change always has to be painful?

Not necessarily. While growth often involves some level of discomfort, it doesn’t always have to be excruciating. In fact, approaching change with an open mind, a positive attitude, a support system and a willingness to learn can mitigate much of the pain. Cultivating self-compassion, seeking support from others, and celebrating small victories along the way can also make the journey more manageable.

Moreover, the growing pains of change are not happening because of the process itself but rather, it stems from our resistance to it. When we hold too tightly to the past or fear the uncertainty of the future, we create unnecessary suffering for ourselves. Learning to let go of what no longer serves us and embracing the possibilities that lie ahead can alleviate much of this pain.

Ultimately, the paradox of change reminds us that growth is not always easy, but it is undeniably worth it.

It challenges us to confront our fears, overcome obstacles, and become the best versions of ourselves. And while there may be pain along the way, the gains far outweigh the discomfort. So the next time you find yourself resisting change, remember that within the discomfort lies the seeds of transformation, waiting to blossom into something beautiful.

In conclusion, the journey of personal growth is not about avoiding pain but rather embracing it as an integral part of the process. By acknowledging the paradox of change and leaning into the discomfort, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and potential. No matter how alone or misunderstood we feel, there is always someone that is there for you. This may be in the form of a friend, a family member, a therapist or a coach. So dare to step outside your comfort zone, reach out to seek support so that you can create the change you’re looking for with as much ease as possible.

About the Author: Rick Garcia (he/him) is the owner of Cannabased Coaching & Wellness. Rick started his career in the healing arts as a licensed massage therapist in 2005. Looking for a shift he transitioned to HIV prevention and has worked in sexual health for 11 years. Realizing the gap in sexual health and sexual fulfillment Rick became a certified sex coach and sexologist so that he could help people explore their ideal sexual self while remaining as safe as possible. His sex coaching services are holistic and combine elements such as talk, somatic exercises, the MEBES model, cannabis and a variety of other modalities. When his wellness center opened he decided to have another arm available for massage therapy. To learn more about Rick’s services please visit www.cannabasedcoachingandwellness.com or contact him at cannabasedcoachingandwellness@gmail.com.

Life is Change

How can we embrace our life with vitality, rather than with a faint heart? By allowing ourselves to continue to evolve and grow through transformative resilience, which is a way to describe a shift in the way we see the world. As a child we experience many shifts due to the growth of our development. Once we become an adult, we continue to go through further development that results in changes in how we see the world.

A true transformation will change how we see others and ourselves in the world. Transformation is not “self-development,” “self-help” or “self-improvement.” We do not need to be ‘fixed.’ Rather, transformation is the change that occurs naturally when one is provided the adequate environment and nourishment to continue to develop natural potential. We have a natural inner drive that propels or “pushes” us to continue to grow and develop throughout our lives.

The process of change is not always comfortable and, therefore, we often mischaracterize it as having something ‘wrong’ with us. Changing in our mature years is not a crisis but a natural development– it results in our search to break new ground, answer deep questions, and explore what is true and meaningful in life. The inner push or life force is ignited in a new way that spurs us on to new tasks and achievements.

What Helps Us Adapt to Change?

How do people manage change? How do they make significant and long-lasting shifts that affect every aspect of their lives? Researchers have identified the significant factors that enable us all to manage the constant change that makes up our experience of life. That factor is the ability to either approach our life from a place of fear and anxiety or love and acceptance. 

Researchers at the Harvard Grant Study found that the key underlying quality for successful change is our ability to accept what is not in our control, but then use it to our benefit. They identified the elements that enable us to come from a place of love/acceptance and cope with change at any stage of life. Those elements are:

• Rest and Relaxation
• Social Connection
• Play

We will have a better chance of coping with the stresses of a changing lifestyle when we have these elements in our life.

Rest and relaxation

Relaxation is the antidote to stress. When we are stressed, our bodies release stress hormones, which wreak havoc on our brains and our bodies. When we honor our biology and when we rest and we give ourselves downtime, we are rewarded with the release of the body’s feel-good hormones – serotonin, prolactin, and oxytocin. The research on mindfulness, slowing down and paying attention, is revealing that it improves our focus, our memory, our concentration, our relationships, and our life satisfaction.

Forms of rest include getting adequate sleep, meditation, mindfulness (taking time to be aware of and enjoy the activity you are engaged in like eating, taking a shower, receiving a hug, etc.), any activities that allow for release/support/letting go of worries, taking time to dream, and any type of touch and affection.

Social Connection

Social connection is essential. When we are socially isolated, it corrodes our bodies and we get sick. Being lonely is as much of a risk factor for death as smoking. Social connection, contribution, meaningful social bonding all light up our brains. Have you ever wanted to give up when you were tired and exhausted? It probably was your connection to something bigger than yourself that allowed you to stick with it and eventually change and adapt.

Play

We are biological creatures governed by a deep desire to survive. When we do something that will help us adapt, we increase the likelihood of our survival. Therefore, behaviors that lead to our survival are rewarded in the brain’s motivation centers with the powerful release of neurochemicals that bring feelings of wellbeing and joy. That is our signal to do it again.

Play activates that frontal part of our brain, the very human part and it stimulates all kinds of pathways for abstract thinking, emotional regulation, problem solving, and strategic thinking. Play makes us comfortable with uncertainty; it makes us take risks and learn from trial and error. Also, play requires that we release fear and submit to the present moment.

In his book Play, author and psychiatrist Stuart Brown, MD, compares play to oxygen. He writes, “…it’s all around us, yet goes mostly unnoticed or unappreciated until it is missing.” This might seem surprising until you consider everything that constitutes play. Play is art, books, movies, music, comedy, flirting and daydreaming, writes Dr. Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play. Brown called play a “state of being…purposeless, fun and pleasurable.” For the most part, the focus is on the actual experience, not on accomplishing a goal.

Opportunity for Deeper Meaning and Purpose

Our mature years present a possibility to explore deeper parts of ourselves. Many older adults pursue continued learning, exploring, discovering and meaningfully engaging in new pursuits and pastimes in their 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. Although many of the messages we receive from society speak primarily to the negative challenges associated with aging such as relational loss, physical pain and cognitive challenges, it is important to continue to challenge ourselves and commit to another leg of the journey with new enthusiasm and commitment.

The challenge is to rise above the societal script that aging is a degenerative process. The inner push that we all have is linked closely with developmental intelligence – which is the ability to continue to gain wisdom, insight, judgment, and more emotional balance.

Identify Your Inner Desire to Change

What are you passionate about? What drives, interests, or motivates you? Do you have any unfinished dreams, goals or shelved ideas and interests? Reflect on who you are, what you have done and what you want to accomplish next.

References and Further Reading

1. Play by Stuart Brown, MD
2. What One Skill = An Awesome Life? by Kang, Dr Shimi (Website)
3. Living deeply: the art and science of transformation in everyday life by Marilyn Schlitz, Cassandra Vieten and Tina Amorok

About the author: Rev. Catherine Dockery, MA, is a People House minister and a trained facilitator in conscious aging, nonviolent communication and resonant healing of trauma. She has an MA in Public Administration and BA in Communications both from the University of Colorado at Denver. Catherine started The Center for Conscious Aging in 2015 where she conducts workshops, personal coaching and support groups for older adults helping them to understand their developmental changes and transform their lives. She has 10 years of experience in individual and group facilitation and presents on aging topics throughout Colorado. To learn more about Catherine’s services please visit www.centerforconsciousaging.org or email consciousaging1@gmail.com

Change is What Life is All About

The process of change is not always comfortable and, therefore, we often mischaracterize it as having something ‘wrong’ with us. How can we embrace our life with vitality, rather than with a faint heart? By allowing ourselves to continue to evolve and grow through transformation.

A true transformation will change how we see others and ourselves. Transformation is not “self-development,” “self-help” or “self-improvement.” We do not need to be ‘fixed.’ Rather, transformation is the development of natural potential. It results from our search to break new ground, answer deep questions, and explore what is true and meaningful in life. The inner push or life force is ignited in a new way that spurs us on to new achievements. We have a natural inner drive that propels or “pushes” us to continue to grow and develop throughout our lives.

What Helps Us Transform?

How do people manage change? How do they make significant and long-lasting shifts that affect every aspect of their lives? Researchers have identified the significant factors that enable us to manage the constant change that makes up our experience of life. They found we build our resilience to cope with change when we have three elements in our life: rest, connection, and play.

Rest, Connection, and Play

Rest and relaxation are the antidotes to stress. When we are stressed, our bodies release stress hormones, which wreak havoc on our brains and our bodies. When we honor our biology and when we rest and we give ourselves downtime, we are rewarded with the release of the body’s feel-good hormones – serotonin, prolactin, and oxytocin. The research on mindfulness, slowing down and paying attention, is revealing. It improves our focus, our memory, our concentration, our relationships, and our life satisfaction.

Social connection, for all animals, is essential. When we are socially isolated, it corrodes our bodies and we get sick. Being lonely is as much of a risk factor for death as smoking. Social connection, contribution, meaningful social bonding all light up our brains. Have you ever wanted to give up when you were tired and exhausted? It probably was your connection to something bigger than yourself that allowed you to stick with it and eventually change and adapt.

Play activates the frontal part of our brain, the very human part and it stimulates all kinds of pathways for abstract thinking, emotional regulation, problem solving, and strategic thinking. Play makes us comfortable with uncertainty; it makes us take risks and learn from trial and error. Also, play requires that we release fear and submit to the present moment. “Play can be found in art, books, movies, music, comedy, flirting and daydreaming,” writes Dr. Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play. Brown called play a “state of being…purposeless, fun and pleasurable.” For the most part, the focus is on the actual experience, not on accomplishing a goal.

Take time for rest, connection and play in the form of artwork and poetry.

***

Country Roads
invite memories
of gentler times

Aging brings us to
A cross road
what was can no longer be

Birdsong fills the vastness of the sky
trees are greening
my heart sings

Change is in the air
I cling to what I know
and must in time let go

Bright red among the plain
song rising above all
Cardinal – commonly uncommon

I rise with the joy of birdsong
I sing to the warming sun
alive to another day

A variety of feeling
brings awareness
to a vast variety of Being

Bonnie DeHart
Denver, CO
***

Notes & Sources:

1. Play by Stuart Brown, MD
2. What One Skill = An Awesome Life? by Kang, Dr Shimi (Website)
3. Living deeply: the art and science of transformation in everyday life by Marilyn Schlitz, Cassandra Vieten and Tina Amorok
4. Playing By Heart: The Vision and Practice of Belonging by Fred Donaldson
5. The Power of Play by Soka Gakkai International Quarterly, July 2013

About the author: Rev. Catherine Dockery, MA, is a People House minister and a trained facilitator in conscious aging, nonviolent communication and resonant healing of trauma. She has an MA in Public Administration and BA in Communications both from the University of Colorado at Denver. Catherine started The Center for Conscious Aging in 2015 where she conducts workshops, personal coaching and support groups for older adults helping them to understand their developmental changes and transform their lives. She has 10 years of experience in individual and group facilitation and presents on aging topics throughout Colorado. To learn more about Catherine’s services please visit www.centerforconsciousaging.org or email consciousaging1@gmail.com

My specialty is working with older adults. I came into this field when I began my own aging journey over ten years ago while in my late 50’s. I’ve come to really love this stage of life. Older adults have such presence and depth. You might hear someone over the age of sixty say. “I just don’t care what others think of me anymore.” This is because of both biological changes as well as experience. We begin to care less about what people think of us and more about what we think.

How do you feel about growing older?

Like most people, we may be afraid of the unknown! After all, how can one really comprehend “the end?” But if we hang onto the illusion that our lives will just go on indefinitely—that shows a lack of acceptance about life. The experience of aging threatens that illusion and wakes us up!

How are we to make sense of it all?

Denial of one’s own aging is so prevalent in our society. How can we accept and even embrace our own physical changes?

That is the challenge presented to us in beginning this aging journey. What are we to make of this aging experience? Our elder years can be the best years of our lives, but how?

When we discover our ability to befriend our inner-younger selves and bring warmth and understanding, we often find the acceptance of ourselves which we’ve searched for our entire lives. As David Bowie says, “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.”

Finding that acceptance in ourselves enables us to reach out to others, both younger and older. This is how the wisdom of the elder connects to younger generations while opening their eyes to themselves and the scope of human life.

Longing for deeper connections

Elders are seeking to recognize and prioritize what is important and what endures in life, including what outlives the self. They long for deeper connections to themselves and those close to them.

They are also coming to discover what has heart and meaning. They need to heal the emotional wounds still holding them back and cultivate self-compassion, emotional honesty, patience, and devotion to truth.

Invitation to Step Into the Journey

Step into this journey and embrace your capacity for on-going change in this way:

• Explore self-limiting beliefs about aging
• Develop self-compassion to cope more effectively with the stresses of aging
• Discover and reflect on what has given heart and meaning to your life and how that informs your intentions for living
• Enhance connection and reduce isolation from others by understanding your shared humanity
• Reduce fear and increase acceptance in the presence of death and dying
• Create a new vision for aging

So many have succumbed to the illusion that there’s nothing to be gained from aging. It’s no wonder when current practices don’t really focus on the value of aging, only on the problems. However, there is plentiful research from the fields of psychology, gerontology, and spirituality that recognizes how elders in many family groups contribute to the survival and growth of the species. It is a tragedy for an elder in today’s world not be able to find that value for themselves.

Aging is indeed challenging and requires our strongest inner core to come forward to help us survive – and thrive – during these life stages. However, it is also a time of great opportunity for spiritual, emotional and psychological growth. Elders are yearning to engage in dialogue together on these issues. They are looking for guidance, connection, and community to help fortify themselves for their aging years.

About the author: Rev. Catherine Dockery, MA, is a People House minister and a trained facilitator in conscious aging, nonviolent communication and resonant healing of trauma. She has an MA in Public Administration and BA in Communications both from the University of Colorado at Denver. Catherine started The Center for Conscious Aging in 2015 where she conducts workshops, personal coaching and support groups for older adults helping them to understand their developmental changes and transform their lives. She has 10 years of experience in individual and group facilitation and presents on aging topics throughout Colorado. To learn more about Catherine’s services please visit www.centerforconsciousaging.org or email consciousaging1@gmail.com

While the winter begins to set in, take notice of how the change in the air, the temperature, the barren trees, all impact you. It is not uncommon for many of us notice a sense of melancholy; perhaps we’re more agitated or angry, or maybe we feel more sadness and hopelessness. Sometimes we may even notice our body feels more achy, more stiff and tired. Very often, these feelings can be effectively managed, although other times the weight of mental and physical discomfort can feel relentless and fierce. When we begin to lose touch with our purpose, and begin to struggle to find meaning around us, we may want to consider how we can begin to refocus and re-evaluate. It may be possible to learn how to move with the changes of the seasons, rather than against.

Learning to accept the things I can not change… this has been a tough lesson.

I often wrestle with trying to distinguish between what I can and can’t change. But what I do know, is that I cannot change the seasons, I cannot change the weather, and I cannot expect Mother Nature to bend to my will or wants. So, instead of trying to change what is impossible, I am trying to learn how to lean into the ups and downs that I experience as we move through seasons. One way I do this is to remind myself that this feeling or discomfort is momentary; this day, and this season is not permanent. As winter came, so will spring, and so it goes. While winter is here, I try to appreciate the lack of pressure to do anything but seek warmth and comfort, to look for nourishment and to enjoy rest. Of course, some days this is not possible, and circumstances for some of us mean that being outside, in the cold winter, is inevitable and necessary. When in this position, I have found that meaningfully engaging with nature in the moment, finding that sliver of sun to warm my face, or taking note of the moody sky above me, I am able to reconnect with nature on Her terms, not necessarily mine. I begin to appreciate Her changes. Learning to accept this has been humbling and powerful… and it has also helped me to appreciate some of those seasonal blues.

There is something to be found in the dark as much as there is to be found in the light.

Sometimes the loss of one sense helps the other senses improve by overcompensating. Winter, the darker months, the cold, reminds us of how both harsh and beautiful this world can be, and that this can exist simultaneously. When we choose only to see the sad and ugly, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to reconnect with the inherent beauty that surrounds us. The leaves fall so they can grow again – when fall comes back, they give us a magnificent show of yellows and oranges just before they blow away again in the winter breeze. All this holds beauty and purpose, and reminding ourselves to re-focus on that which brings us delight will help us to accept and embrace all that is moody and temperamental.

Samantha Camerino (she/her) is the owner of Nomad Therapy Services. She uses a “Person in Environment” approach, addressing not just the individual, but also exploring the environmental, societal and historical components that may be impacting self-growth. She has nearly a decade of experience working with persons struggling with an array of challenges such as depression, anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, trauma, et. al. Currently, Samantha conducts sessions in the office or online, and she also encourages ‘walk & talks’ and meeting in outdoor settings. If you are interested in learning more about the Nomad approach, visit her website at www.nomadtherapyservices.com or email her at samantha@nomadtherapyservices.com.