I talk about Internal Family Systems (IFS) a lot because it works. It is more than a therapy model; it is a compassionate lens for understanding your inner world. Once you start to see your emotions, behaviors, and thoughts as different parts of you, each trying to help in its own way, everything begins to shift. It becomes less about fixing yourself and more about getting to know yourself.

Before IFS, I spent years trying to manage or silence the parts of me that felt anxious, overwhelmed, or insecure. I thought those feelings were signs of weakness or failure. Through IFS, I began to realize that those parts were not the problem. They were protectors, each one trying to keep me safe in the best way it knew how. They were creative, loyal, and persistent, even when their strategies were outdated. The moment I understood that, my relationship with myself changed completely.

Anxiety, depression, addiction, and self-sabotage are not proof that something is wrong with you. They are signals from parts of you that have been working overtime to protect something tender and sacred inside. When those parts finally feel acknowledged and appreciated, they begin to relax. Healing unfolds not because we force it to happen, but because the system starts to trust that it is safe enough to heal.

You Are Made of Parts, and That Is Normal

IFS begins with a simple but powerful truth: we are all made up of parts. These parts carry different emotions, memories, and strategies for surviving. Some are confident and capable, others are afraid, angry, or ashamed. They are not flaws; they are facets of your internal world, each one serving a purpose.

Symptoms that seem like problems are often protectors doing their jobs a little too well. Anxiety might come from vigilant parts that are scanning for danger, believing that constant alertness will keep you safe. Depression may come from exhausted parts that shut everything down to protect you from pain. Addiction often comes from firefighter parts that rush in to soothe unbearable feelings, using whatever escape they can find.

Even when parts seem to fight each other, like one pushing forward while another holds back, they are not enemies. They are simply working from different stories about what you need to stay safe. What looks like resistance or sabotage is often an inner disagreement about how to protect you.

Healing through Curiosity and Compassion

IFS invites us to become curious rather than critical. When we ask a part, “What are you trying to do for me?” the answer is rarely harmful. Even extreme parts are acting out of love and loyalty, trying to protect you in the only way they know.

The healing process is not about eliminating parts, but unburdening them. When we meet our protectors with compassion and curiosity, they begin to trust that they are not alone. Over time, they soften. They begin to hand back the heavy roles they have carried for so long. The anxious part can rest. The inner critic can take a breath. The protector who learned to numb can finally feel safe enough to stop running.

Real healing happens when we stop fighting our inner world and start listening to it. Every symptom, every reaction, every coping mechanism is a message from within. The more we listen, the more we remember that nothing inside us is truly against us.

You are not broken. You are brilliantly designed, layered, and adaptive. Every part of you has been working tirelessly to protect you, even when it looks messy from the outside. Healing is not about becoming someone new. It is about remembering who you already are beneath the protection.

So the next time you feel anxious, sad, or stuck, try asking yourself, “What part of me is speaking right now?” Then listen. You might be surprised at how wise your system already is. Every part belongs, and every part holds a piece of your wholeness.

About the Author: Laura Hogzett MA is a Licensed Professional Counselor who blends clinical expertise with soul-centered healing. Trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS) and EMDR, Laura helps individuals navigate trauma, self-doubt, and disconnection by reconnecting them to the wisdom and love within.  Inspired by shamanic traditions and rooted in the belief that healing happens when we bring compassion to every part of ourselves. 

Drawing from both psychological insight and intuitive guidance, she supports others in returning to self-love, empowerment, and wholeness.  Laura’s mission is to help others awaken to their innate worth and multidimensional nature—with grace, humor, and radical compassion.

Like so many new mothers, I turned to my phone, the internet, and social media, hoping to create the sense of connection I so desperately craved. But instead of filling me up, it gave me only a false sense of community—one that left me feeling even more isolated and hollow.

It wasn’t until I began slowing down, returning to my art practice and intentionally seeking out in-person community, that I found my way back home to myself. Over time, I’ve come to see that slowing down is more than just a pause. For me, it has become a sacred practice—one that one that gently reconnects mind, body, and spirit.

The Myth of “Faster is Better”

Motherhood has a way of exposing the cultural myths we didn’t even know we were living by. Before I became a mom, moving quickly through life felt natural. I thrived in a society that values productivity and achievement, and I was rewarded when I fit the mold. Anyone else?

But motherhood doesn’t fit that mold. It’s messy, unpredictable, and there’s no gold star waiting on the other side of your accomplishments. Still, so many of us feel the pressure to keep up—to heal faster, to quickly figure out who we are as mothers, to rush our children through milestones. This conditioning whispers that “faster is better,” and if we’re not careful, it can seep into the most sacred parts of motherhood.

The Choice to Resist the Myth

Once I became aware of the myths I was reinforcing, I could begin to make a different choice—for myself, my motherhood, and their childhood. Awareness creates the opening; choice deepens it.

When we begin to gently release the story that our value lies in speed, productivity, and achievement, we allow room for something else: connection, presence, and healing. This doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t mean life suddenly feels easier. But it does mean that we can pause long enough to ask: What is actually nourishing me? What pace feels sustainable?

Resisting the myth of “faster is better” is an act of care—for ourselves and for the ones we love. And the more we practice slowing down, the more we remember that worthiness was never tied to speed in the first place.

What Art Taught Me About Slowing Down

As an art therapist in Denver who works with women and moms, I’ve learned that art is one of the best teachers of slowing down. Observation is at the heart of my work. It requires patience, presence, and noticing the small things: the weight of a brushstroke, the layers of materials, the rhythm of the marks, the pauses between them. These details reveal a world that would be invisible if rushed.

Life is the same way. When we slow down, we open ourselves to presence; presence is what allows us to notice beauty, emotion, connection, and awe. When our days are filled with noise and busyness, presence slips away. But when we return to it, even briefly, life feels fuller. Slowing down doesn’t erase the challenges of motherhood, but it does invite us to meet them with more softness, more curiosity, and more room to breathe.

A True Story about Slowing Down with Art

In our culture, art-making is often dismissed as a luxury, not a necessity. Even in art therapy, clients sometimes feel pressure to be productive, to make something “worthwhile.” But the truth is, wisdom lives in the process itself—the layering, the color choices, the repetition of marks.

In a recent session, I witnessed a client slowly repeating patterns, drawing line after line to form a bridge. It was simple, but we noticed something important: she was soothing herself through the rhythm of repetition. The art became a mirror, showing her what her body and spirit were already trying to do: find comfort, safety, and calm through slowness.

It’s not the finished piece that matters, but the way the hand moves across the page. The way we allow ourselves to linger. The gift of slowing down becomes its own medicine.

Returning to the Sacred Practice of Slowing Down

When I first stepped into motherhood in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, I felt untethered, lonely, overwhelmed, and without a community to hold me. I sought connection online, but the noise only deepened my isolation. It wasn’t until I consciously slowed down—through art, presence, and in-person community—that I began to find my way home to myself. Slowing down has become more than a pause; it’s a sacred practice that grounds me in mind, body, and spirit.

If you are longing for more space to breathe, know that you are not alone. This longing is a quiet invitation to return to yourself. I invite you to explore this practice with intention, whether through art, mindfulness, or joining a supportive group like Nurture Art Studio for moms, where slowing down becomes a shared journey of care and connection. You can learn more about my offerings at www.wildsunflowerwellness.com or find me on Instagram @wildsunflowerwellness.

About the Author: Leanne is a Denver-based art therapist, perinatal mental health specialist, and space-holder for deep-feeling women and mothers who long to return home to themselves. Blending creativity, mindfulness, and somatic approaches, she guides clients through the sacred work of remembering who they are beneath the noise of trauma, perfectionism, and overwhelm. Discover more at www.WildSunflowerWellness.com.

You want answers. Why do I keep doing this? Why won’t she change? How can I figure out who I’m supposed to be? You suspect The Universe knows the answers, but you don’t know how to extract them. Perhaps there is a wheel we can spin.

This reality hits home for me every day when I sit across from people who think I know the answers. I don’t. People tell their therapists their dreams, their growth edges, their fears, in hopes that the act of putting it out there will get them a seat at the table. As long as you tell me what you want to be accountable for, I’m happy to keep a chair open for you.

Recently, I needed to work on my own change. As a fitness instructor once said, “If it doesn’t challenge you it won’t change you.” Me, sitting at home, therapizing myself didn’t challenge me. It didn’t even move the needle. What would challenge me was to go to therapy. My god, did I have a lot of excuses why not to go. I spend all day talking to people, so I don’t want to do it on my own time. I don’t like other therapists- they won’t do it the way I’d do it. And on and on. Needless to say, one day, I got the courage and I put in my ante. Would you believe it? I adore the new therapist. She’s helping so much. I’m getting unstuck.  

This tool isn’t just for therapy, though. Want to quit your job but you’re afraid of a few months of unemployment? Lots of people in this position try to line up their next gig while they try to transition out of the old one. Pretty sure The Universe is wise to this ol’ Indiana Jones switch-out-the-golden-idol-for-a-bag-of-sand trick. Doesn’t count. You have to sacrifice something of value. You have to bleed a little. Quit the job, face the scarcity, only then the new door opens.

Some lessons are harder for us to learn. Sometimes we have to go a year before we find a new relationship worth taking a risk on. Sometimes we have to give up great opportunities, our pride or our worn out coping strategies in order for the slot to land on triple cherries. Truth is, you don’t need that fun but unnecessary trip, your pride, or even your coping strategies. An ante is something of value, but not something you can’t live without. It cuts, but it’s not fatal.

So how do you know what to ante? Dig deep, you know what it is. What do you not want to face? I didn’t want to get off my high horse about other therapists. I didn’t want to acknowledge that they could see things about my life that I can’t see myself. I felt like admitting that would be to admit I’m a hack. Really it’s just revealing that I’m human. Turns out, perfectionism is a coping strategy I can live without, especially when I’m hurting and I need help. Lesson learned. 

If you’re stuck, you’re not in the game. Of course you’re not winning because you’ve got nothing on the line to win. Is it scary? Yes. Do it anyway. Do it scared. Or just sit and watch until you get up the courage to play. We’ve all been there, too. If you need a nudge, I like this one: dream. Allow yourself to imagine a life where you’re unstuck. Plan the logistics. Feel the ease in your chest. And when you’re ready, reach into your pocket, grab a coin, and ante up.

About the Author: Laura Zwisler is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the owner of Lafayette Couples Counseling.  She specializes in relational therapy and men’s work.  Her practice reflects a deep belief that through corrective relational experiences we can heal traumas, get needs met, and fulfill our greatest potential.  In addition to counseling, Laura supervises interns at People House, leads workshops and trainings, and writes about the human experience.  If you are interested in working with Laura, please visit: https://www.lafayettecouplescounseling.com/ or email her at: laura@lafayttecouplescounseling.com.    

What is gender?

Gender is only one piece of the identity pie. This short essay is too brief to cover the many layers of identity such as race, ethnicity, religion/spirituality, socioeconomic, citizen/immigrant/Native, age, disability/temporary-ability status, and so on. (What a rich pie!)

There are aspects I miss and/or am ignorant about, especially as a white-bodied person in our current system. I encourage feedback, mutual learning, discussion, and your own research from clear, mutually respectful, and informed sources. I speak from my lived experience as a queer White femme person and from what I have learned from elders, neighbors, teachers, activists, friends, and colleagues.

The definition for gender I will use comes from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research (2025). “Gender refers to the socially constructed roles, behaviours, expressions and identities of girls, women, boys, men, and gender diverse people. It influences how people perceive themselves and each other, how they act and interact, and the distribution of power and resources in society. Gender identity is not confined to a binary (girl/woman, boy/man) nor is it static; it exists along a continuum and can change over time. There is considerable diversity in how individuals and groups understand, experience and express gender through the roles they take on, the expectations placed on them, relations with others and the complex ways that gender is institutionalized in society.” Gender is different than biological sex. Gender is social. Gender is a social construction based on many things including historical and cultural norms.

Some Basic Gender Terms

Now, I want to go over some basic gender terms. This is not a comprehensive list of important terms. If you are interested in learning more about LGBTQ+ terms, visit https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms. I am using the Human Rights Campaign for the definitions I will use here:

LGBTQ+:  An acronym for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer” with a “+” sign to recognize the limitless sexual orientations and gender identities used by members of our community.

Queer: A term people often use to express a spectrum of identities and orientations that are counter to the mainstream. Queer is often used as a catch-all to include many people, including those who do not identify as exclusively straight and/or folks who have non-binary or gender-expansive identities. This term was previously used as a slur, but has been reclaimed by many parts of the LGBTQ+ movement.

Genderqueer: Genderqueer people typically reject notions of static categories of gender and embrace a fluidity of gender identity and often, though not always, sexual orientation. People who identify as “genderqueer” may see themselves as being both male and female, neither male nor female or as falling completely outside these categories.

Sex assigned at birth: The sex, male, female or intersex, that doctor or midwife uses to describe a child at birth based on their external anatomy.

Gender binary: A system in which gender is constructed into two strict categories of male or female. Gender identity is expected to align with the sex assigned at birth and gender expressions and roles fit traditional expectations.

Gender dysphoria: Clinically significant distress caused when a person’s assigned birth gender is not the same as the one with which they identify.

Gender-expansive: A person with a wider, more flexible range of gender identity and/or expression than typically associated with the binary gender system. Often used as an umbrella term when referring to young people still exploring the possibilities of their gender expression and/or gender identity.

Gender expression: External appearance of one’s gender identity, usually expressed through behavior, clothing, body characteristics or voice, and which may or may not conform to socially defined behaviors and characteristics typically associated with being either masculine or feminine.

Gender-fluid: A person who does not identify with a single fixed gender or has a fluid or unfixed gender identity.

Non-binary: An adjective describing a person who does not identify exclusively as a man or a woman. Non-binary people may identify as being both a man and a woman, somewhere in between, or as falling completely outside these categories. While many also identify as transgender, not all non-binary people do. Non-binary can also be used as an umbrella term encompassing identities such as agender, bigender, genderqueer or gender-fluid.

Transgender: An umbrella term for people whose gender identify and/ore expression is different from cultural expectations based on the sex they were assigned at birth. Being transgender does not imply any specific sexual orientation. Therefore, transgender people may identify as straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.

I love the acronyms “AFAB” and “AMAB” meaning assigned female at birth and assigned male at birth, respectively. This is a helpful way for me to talk about a client’s childhood conditioning and experience concerning a certain gender script without assuming the client’s gender/gender expression.

Why gender matters in the counseling room?

Gender informs what a person with a specific body can and cannot do, how they can and cannot express self, and one’s safety in a social and institutionalized setting. As the therapist, you have social and institutional power in the room.

Gender can inform how one deals with emotions (i.e. anger), interpersonal and intrapersonal skills the person did not develop or was forced to over-develop. Gender can also inform how one thinks of themself, how safe or unsafe they feel in the world (and even this counseling room with you). Gender assumptions can be harmfully restricting and dismissive to the complex and dynamic experience of being a human.

Broaching Gender in the Counseling Relationship

I recently had a colleague ask me how he would like me to broach gender if he were my therapist. After some discussion, I said ask me how it feels to work with a therapist who identifies as a White man.

In my own work when broaching with a client(s), I ask them what it is like working with a queer White femme person. I base my inquiry on my own identity that I feel safe or resourced enough to disclose and that holds privileged power in our current system (i.e. White). This creates space concerning awareness around social location and impact.

As a counselor, our own lived experience of gender and our ideas about gender can, quite literally make space for liberation or reaffirm harmful ideas about gender. I love bringing in curiosity to my assumptions and beliefs about gender.

Final Thoughts

Gender is such a unique experience for each of us.

I find my gender expression and exploration — as an AFAB femme person raised mixed class (poor and middleclass) in the highly religious South, White, in a fundamentalist Evangelical Church (Southern Baptist)—liberating, terrifying, fun, exciting, expansive, empowering, euphoric, dysphoric (at times), nuanced, ever-evolving, and more.

As I explore my gender and gender expression, it has helped me form a more authentic and deep relationship with myself and others. I wish the same for you!

Resources

Foundation, H. (2025). Glossary of terms. Human Rights Campaign. https://www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms?utm_source=ads_ms_HRC_20240306-HRC-AW-GS-Natl-GlossaryRP_GlossaryKeywords_a002-dynamic-rst_b%3Agender+terms&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21083351170&gbraid=0AAAAAD6IzSgSVxb7rc0qvogjutvhg4GSh&gclid=CjwKCAjwq9rFBhAIEiwAGVAZP1MD5beTJ38hnfrJR7qri0qMuj_cCb2Bz42FBEpGxcxTEr0I9uVDtRoCY4YQAvD_BwE

Government of Canada, C. I. of H. R. (2023, May 8). What is gender? what is sex?. CIHR. https://cihr-irsc.gc.ca/e/48642.htmlKillermann, S. (2017). The genderbread person version 4. It’s Pronounced Metrosexual. https://www.itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2018/10/the-genderbread-person-v4/

About the Author: Hi, my name is Bre Smith (she/they)! I am a queer White woman from the South. In my current graduate studies in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Saybrook University, I continue to explore new ways to merge my academic learning with my passion for wellness and mental health. This work builds on my M.A. in Humanistic & Existential Psychology from the University of West Georgia and experience in the mental health field in adolescent residential, adult case management, and foster care counseling. As the Vice President of my school’s Queer Alliance Collective club, I am particularly focused on creating spaces that are safe, inclusive, and affirming. I am an adjunct faculty at Chattanooga State Community College where I teach Introduction to Psychology courses.

When I’m not counseling, studying, or teaching, I enjoy moving my body, exploring the outdoors, traveling, playing music, laying on my couch, creating art, tending to my plants and garden, and spending time with loved ones.

I come from the north of France, a region shaped by coal, farmland, and war. Generations of my family worked with their hands—blue-collar, practical people who survived on resilience and realism. My grandmothers lived through occupation during WWII, raising families under scarcity and fear, and somehow never losing their sharp sense of humor. That legacy lives in me. As a therapist, I bring that same no-nonsense presence: I won’t waste your time with fluff, and I’m not afraid of pain, grief, or hard truths.

I’m an immigrant. I’ve lived in the U.S. for over 20 years. I’m French, and I’m white. That means I carry privilege—I don’t face racism or systemic barriers because of the color of my skin. But being an immigrant still leaves a mark. There’s a low hum of unbelonging I carry every day, a sense that no matter how long I’ve been here, I’ll never quite be “from here.” People notice the accent. The different references. The gap between how I see the world and how the culture around me operates.

For a long time, I minimized that part of myself. I didn’t want to take up space with my story or my differences. I was afraid it would center me instead of my clients. But a supervisor once told me something that changed how I work: “Use your privilege as a strength—not something to be ashamed of. That doesn’t serve you or your clients.” She was right.

Now, I lean into all of it. I don’t pretend to be neutral. I show up fully. ADHD brain, direct language, big heart, and all. I name mistakes when I make them. I check my biases. I laugh with clients, cry with them when needed, and speak plainly—especially when it’s hard. I work with other neurodivergent folks, immigrants, people figuring out who they are in a world that tries to box them in. And I meet them where they are, because I know what it’s like to feel like you’re never quite “doing it right.”

The self of the therapist is not a polished, perfect figure who floats above the work. It’s a living, breathing person, shaped by history, pain, joy, and identity. My background—my quirks, my people, my accent, my privilege—is not baggage to hide, but material to work with.

Clients don’t need perfection. They need someone real. Someone who shows up, not just as a professional, but as a person. That’s the therapist I try to be—one who honors where I come from, and uses that to walk with others toward where they want to go.

Annabelle Denmark (she/they), MA, LPC is a therapist based in Lakewood, CO. They specialize in trauma informed (Parts work, EMDR and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy) individual therapy for neurodivergent adults. You can find them at https://www.renegadecounseling.com

But here’s the truth: time alone doesn’t heal all wounds. 

Betrayal trauma isn’t just heartbreak. It’s a full-body, full-life experience that rewires your nervous system, shatters your sense of self, and disrupts everything you thought was true. It’s not something you “get over” with time. It’s something you work through—intentionally, actively, and often with support. 

Yes, taking space is an important first step. But staying in that space forever, hoping clarity will come on its own, can leave you stuck in a loop of hypervigilance, self-doubt, and emotional paralysis. 

Why “Just Giving It Time” Doesn’t Work 

While time might fade memories or dull certain edges of pain, unprocessed trauma doesn’t simply vanish. It gets stored in the body. It shapes how we think, how we relate to others, and how we feel about ourselves. 

Without active healing, betrayal trauma becomes a silent architect, influencing every new relationship, every decision, and every internal narrative. You might appear “fine” on the outside, but on the inside, you’re still frozen in the moment the trust shattered. 

The Risk of “Forgetting” Instead of Healing 

It’s easy to convince ourselves that we’ve moved on. Maybe the relationship has settled into a new normal. Maybe you’ve left and started something new. But if the hurt hasn’t been addressed—if it’s just been swept under the rug—then it’s still there, influencing your choices and eroding your self-worth from the inside out. 

True healing isn’t about going back to who you were. It’s about becoming someone even stronger. It’s about reclaiming your identity, your power, and your ability to trust yourself again. 

Healing Is an Active Process 

Healing betrayal trauma requires more than time—it requires action. It means learning how trauma lives in the body and releasing it through somatic work. It means having the courage to face your feelings, instead of stuffing them down. It means getting support—through coaching, therapy, or other modalities—so you don’t have to walk this road alone. 

Most importantly, healing means choosing yourself. Again and again. 

You Deserve More Than Survival 

It’s not enough to survive betrayal. You deserve to thrive in the aftermath. You deserve to find meaning in your pain, to understand the deeper “why” behind your experience, and to emerge with a life that’s more beautiful and authentic than the one you had before. 

So yes—take time alone. Reflect. Breathe. Be still. 

But don’t stop there. 

You are worth the investment. You are worth the healing. And you are worthy of a future that’s no longer defined by betrayal.  

Lora Cheadle is a former attorney turned betrayal recovery coach, inspirational speaker, and author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self and It’s Not Burnout; It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP and Thrive. She empowers women to rebuild confidence, self-trust, and joy after betrayal—on their own terms and in their own time. Discover more at www.LoraCheadle.com. 

Through the application of what they call “bandhas” they experienced changes in their body awareness. The word translates as “locks”. Think of the body as sponge so, when one applies a bandha in a chakra it’s like squeezing the fluid out of a sponge and when the bandha is release, nourishing fluid rushes back into the area, revitalizing organs and glands in that area. The following areas and chakras will give you and idea of what the bandha system can influence: 

• Purpose: 

Bandhas are believed to enhance concentration, improve circulation, and support various bodily functions, including digestion, metabolism, and hormonal balance.  

Types

The most commonly known bandhas include: 

• Mula Bandha (Root Lock): Involves contracting the muscles of the perineum (area between the anus and genitals).  

• Udyana Bandha (Upward Flying Lock): Focuses on contracting the abdominal muscles and drawing the diaphragm upwards.  

• Jalandhara Bandha (Throat Lock): Involves pressing the chin towards the chest.  

• Maha Bandha (Great Lock): A combination of Mula, Udyana, and Jalandhara Bandhas.  

How they work

Bandhas are performed by tightening specific muscle groups, which temporarily restrict blood flow in certain areas. When the lock is released, this is thought to stimulate circulation, increase blood flow, and rejuvenate organs in the targeted area.  

The two bandhas not mentioned here are: 

Ajna Bandha (Third Eye): Stimulates circulation around the pituitary gland, important for the balancing of the hormonal system 

Sahasra (Crown Chakra): stimulates circulation around the pineal gland, stimulates and balances the circadian rhythm. 

The first four chakras listed are particularly important to address the dorsal nuclei of the Vagal pathway. Ajna bandha and Sahasra more about our connection to the infinite. 

Like I mentioned earlier, in my body work protocol, I address all these areas. If you have an interest in learning more about this system, I recommend making an appointment with me or someone who is versed in Kriya yoga. 

I have an office at People House and in Longmont. 

About the Author: Chardin has been an Adjunct Practitioner at People House since 1998. He is the creator of Advanced Body Therapeutics (ABT). It is a new orientation of creating synergy in the body systems.  ABT uses assessment tools from Osteopathic Theory, Chinese Five Element Theory, Applied Kinesiology, Yoga Therapy, Polyvagal Theory, and Structural Therapies to determine the relationship of the metabolic systems of the body as well as address common structural issues related to stress or trauma.

The goal in his body work is to create balance in the body and neutralize the polyvagal responses. In doing so, it reduces pain, calms emotion upset, and strengthens the immune system.

Chardin’s web address is www.abtherapeutics.net

This is not my voice that whispers to me 
In the deep recesses of my Heart. 

This is not my voice that calms the stirring torrent 
Welling up as “I” try to quiet my Mind. 

The sense of a small “my” standing against 
The ever-moving force of The Infinite. 

The sense of a small “I”, thinking it could 
Possess something as large as… 

My sense of you. 

This is not my Voice, it’s Yours. 

We have touched on Belief’s and how they impact the nervous system and how they can stop a person dead in their tracks. Over recent times some of us may have experienced despair with the outcome of the elections, others elation and excitement. It is important to recognize that we have a choice in what the texture of our experience is and not give in to the whims of the environment around us. 

Some might think, “did I do something wrong”. To those that thought this the answer is NO. All things present are supposed to be here and it is simply a call to stand. Don’t lose your ground. It reminds me of a book titled The Synaptic Self by Joseph LeDoux. He goes on to posit that on the surface of the cell membrane there are receptor cites that are associated with our name. So, after we hear our name repeatedly, our body gets accustomed to the associations directed at us. I’m convinced this is the reason a spiritual teacher will assign a Spiritual name to redirect the devotee’s focus on the Spiritual. 

Much has been written in the past twenty or so years in the field of Somatics that has opened our eyes to a realm of human function not understood so clearly in years hence. Thomas Hanna says it clearly, in his book titled SOMATICS (Addison-Wesley, 1988), when he refers to the Greek word SOMA which means “living body”. He goes on to say that the field of SOMATICS is based on the premise that people are “self aware, self-sensing self- moving and self- responsible beings” and “capable of making changes”. Therefore, the field of SOMATICS empowers the individual to be the guide on an internal process only available to the outside observer if the person chooses to share it. This is a radical shift from medicine as we know it. Pioneers in the field would include, but are not limited to Ida Rolf, Randolph Stone, Stanley Keleman, (need more names). 

More recently, in the field of Psychoneuroimmunology, there has been discovered a profound relationship between the body and brain, and more broadly, the Mind, that sheds light on a multilevel integration that makes the workings of human life seem miraculous. These discoveries have occurred because science, as we know it, has acquired the capability to explore what the more ancient, pre-science, healers had discovered in their meditations and intuitions millenniums ago. I’m referring here to Deepak Chopra’s work in his book Quantum Healing (Bantam, 1990) and his references to the Upanishads and Ayruvedic Medicine of India. Dr. Chopra, in essence, brings the field of the healing arts “up to date” about what we intend to approach when dealing with human maladies, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

In the previous paragraph, I made the distinction between the brain and Mind. This distinction is an important one because I see their functions as very different. The brain, an organ in the body, carries out the tasks of operating bodily functions. The Mind, on the other hand, operates in a more global and integrative. By global, I am alluding to that aspect of human consciousness that seems mysterious in some ways, and certainly open to scientific scrutiny, that witness’ life in its entire complex vicissitudes. Not only does it witness, it has also been found to influence life profoundly. These effects include inexplicable reversions of fatal diseases, such as cancer, disappearing tumors and so forth that medical science won’t even get close to. 

About the Author: Chardin has been an Adjunct Practitioner at People House since 1998. He is the creator of Advanced Body Therapeutics (ABT). It is a new orientation of creating synergy in the body systems.  ABT uses assessment tools from Osteopathic Theory, Chinese Five Element Theory, Applied Kinesiology, Yoga Therapy, Polyvagal Theory, and Structural Therapies to determine the relationship of the metabolic systems of the body as well as address common structural issues related to stress or trauma.

The goal in his body work is to create balance in the body and neutralize the polyvagal responses. In doing so, it reduces pain, calms emotion upset, and strengthens the immune system.

Chardin’s web address is www.abtherapeutics.net

In today’s society, we’re surrounded and flooded with information. The ease of access to information at our fingertips is astounding. But it can also be harmful for our mental health because it can distract us and disconnect us from ourselves. In this blog post, I will be exploring the importance of words and how verbal expression is a critical component of reconnecting to ourselves, our emotional experience, and our relationships.

Slowing Things Down 

As a therapist, it’s my job to ask my clients how they’re doing, but you’d be surprised how often they reply with vague, non-specific language such as “I’m pretty good,” “Nothing much has changed,” or “I’m doing ok.” At other times, clients will unleash a verbal barrage of all the events that occurred over the last week. But as we get into the session, the deeper levels of their experience begin to surface – they begin to talk about their anxieties, their fears, and their vulnerabilities. 

However, it takes time to get there.

It takes skillful questioning, trust, and time for the client to actually pay attention and connect to their experience as it occurs in the moment. And this is what therapy is for. Therapy is a unique container where time is given to clients to decompress from the overstimulation of the world, so they can pause and direct their attention inward. 

And when such a space is created, many clients don’t have the words to describe what’s happening in their mind and body. They simply don’t know what to do.

So, why is this?

External vs. Internal Focus of Attention 

Our society is heavily extraverted, meaning it places a strong emphasis on the external world, on the things that happen outside of us. Yet, very little emphasis is placed on what’s happening within us. 

Social media, advertising, and phones are designed to draw our attention outward – which is natural and good, but becomes problematic when this outward pull is non-stop and individuals do not have space to reflect, pause, or take a breath. 

Unfortunately, our society has become polarized in this extraverted direction, robbing us of those spacious moments of boredom and nothingness. Moreover, the skills for inward reflection and attention are seldom taught, providing yet another barrier to knowing ourselves and our experience. All this leads us to verbal paralysis when space is actually provided for us to talk, explore, and express our inner world. 

This is precisely why therapy is important in today’s society – it’s a place for you to pause and find the language to express how you’re actually feeling and doing. And therapy does this by helping you cultivate certain skills such as specificity, attention, and clarity. 

Specificity, Attention, and Clarity

When it comes to verbal expression our default is to speak in a general, absent-minded, and vague manner that protects us from vulnerability, while also distancing us from our actual experience. So, specificity, attention, and clarity are all verbal skills that contrast the dominant way of thinking and speaking. And when practiced, these skills give us a renewed ability to understand ourselves. 

These three skills are interlinked and complimentary. When we speak with specificity, we bring attention to how we’re actually feeling, which results in mental clarity. And over time, this results in us reconnecting to ourselves, to our emotions, and to the important people in our lives.

Application

So, what does all this information mean for you? How can you practice this on your own? 

1. Bring attention to the words you use and take a moment to connect to your experience before you speak. For example, when someone asks you how you’re doing, rather than resort to the typical, “I’m good. How about you?”, take a moment to pause and check-in with yourself. You can ask yourself, How  am I actually doing? What do I notice going on right now in my thoughts? In my body?  You may notice quite a few things when you do this (e.g., thoughts, sensations, impulses, tightness, images). You are by no means not obligated to share this with another person. The simple pausing and noticing is enough.
2. Slow things down – create time in your day to pause, reflect, and notice your experience. This point follows the same point above, but is to be practiced when you’re on your own. Slowing things down can look like meditating, journaling, or simply taking a deep breath to notice and acknowledge your internal experience in the moment.
3. Expand your emotional vocabulary. A tool I often use with clients is the Feelings Wheel (you can see it here: https://feelingswheel.com/). It’s a visual pie-chart that starts with the seven core emotions: happy, sad, anger, disgust, surprise, bad, or fearful and then becomes more specific as it expands outward with each core emotion. Take a look at it and attempt to find the word that best describes your current experience. By practicing this, you’ll learn to differentiate and acknowledge your different emotional states. This, in turn, will allow you to more effectively communicate your experience to others, whether that’s in relationships, at work, or in daily life. 

About the author: Kevin Culver, LPCC, is a professional counselor, published author, and owner of Resilient Kindness Counseling. Kevin has a MA in Mental Health Counseling and a BA in Theological Studies. With a background in spirituality, philosophy, and psychological research, Kevin provides a holistic approach to therapy that seeks to honor each client’s unique personality, worldview, and life aspirations. In his therapeutic work, he helps clients rediscover their humanity and create greater meaning in their lives, work, and relationships. He enjoys working with individuals from all backgrounds, but specializes in working with men’s issues, spirituality, and relationship issues. If you are interested in working with Kevin or learning more about his practice, please visit resilientkindness.com or email him at kevin@resilientkindness.com

Understanding Coping Mechanisms

Before diving into the world of video games, let’s define what a coping mechanism is. Coping mechanisms are strategies people use to handle stress, emotions, or trauma. These can be healthy—like exercise, talking with a friend, or journaling—or unhealthy, such as substance abuse or avoidance. The goal of any coping mechanism is to help the individual manage their emotional or mental state and regain control over their life.

In therapy, my role is to help clients identify their current coping mechanisms and assess their impact. For some, video gaming serves as a tool to help alleviate stress and provide an escape from reality, but it’s important to recognize both its benefits and limitations.

Video Games

Video games often get a bad rap, with accusations of promoting violence or fostering addiction. However, when used in a balanced and intentional way, gaming can offer several benefits:

• Cognitive Benefits: Many video games require problem-solving, strategic thinking, and quick decision-making. These cognitive challenges can serve as mental stimulation, helping to improve focus and critical thinking skills. Some games have even been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety by promoting mindfulness and present-focused attention.
• Stress Relief Through Immersion: Video games allow players to immerse themselves in a different world, giving them a temporary escape from reality. When someone is overwhelmed by work, personal issues, or general life stress, playing a video game can provide a mental break. Games, particularly those with engaging storylines or challenging puzzles, allow players to shift their focus from real-life worries to the task at hand.
• Achievement and Motivation: Many games are designed to reward players with achievements, levels, or new abilities, giving them a sense of accomplishment. This can be particularly beneficial for individuals struggling with depression or low self-esteem. The tangible progress and sense of control in a game can provide a sense of mastery that might be difficult to achieve in other areas of their life.
• Social Connection: Multiplayer games and online communities offer opportunities for social connection. For individuals who feel isolated or struggle with social anxiety, online gaming can provide a way to engage with others in a less intimidating environment. The sense of camaraderie and teamwork fostered in many games can build relationships and offer emotional support.

The Importance of Balance

While there are clear benefits to using video games as a coping mechanism, it’s essential to maintain balance. Like any coping strategy, overreliance on gaming can lead to problems if it becomes a form of avoidance. For example, playing video games for hours every day to avoid confronting difficult emotions or situations can exacerbate underlying issues. It’s crucial to monitor how gaming impacts other areas of life, such as relationships, work, or school.

In therapy, we often discuss moderation. Setting time limits, choosing games that promote relaxation or skill-building, and recognizing when gaming is being used as a way to avoid real-world responsibilities are key factors to keep in mind.

A Therapeutic Tool for Some: For some individuals, video gaming can also be incorporated into therapy. Games that promote mindfulness, such as journey-based games with calming visuals, or those that encourage problem-solving, can be therapeutic tools in themselves. As a therapist, I might suggest games that align with a client’s therapeutic goals. For example, puzzle games for cognitive stimulation or narrative-driven games for emotional processing.

Additionally, video games can serve as a bridge in therapy for younger clients who may feel more comfortable talking about their gaming experiences than their emotions. The stories, characters, and experiences in games can offer a platform to explore deeper emotional topics.

When Gaming Becomes a Problem

Like any coping mechanism, gaming has the potential to become problematic when used excessively. Signs that video gaming may be crossing into unhealthy territory include:

• Difficulty stopping or reducing game time, even when it causes problems in other areas of life.
• Neglecting responsibilities or relationships in favor of gaming.
• Using gaming as a primary way to avoid real-world challenges or emotional issues.
• Causing health problems like screen related vertigo

In such cases, it’s important to address the underlying issues driving the gaming behavior. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness techniques, and other therapeutic interventions can help individuals regain balance in their life and find healthier ways to cope.

In Conclusion: As a therapist, I recognize that video games can serve as a valid and sometimes powerful tool for coping with life’s stressors. When used mindfully and in moderation, gaming can offer a much-needed escape, cognitive stimulation, and social connection. However, like any coping mechanism, it’s important to approach it with balance and awareness.

If you or someone you know struggles with stress, anxiety, or emotional challenges, exploring different coping strategies, including video gaming, can be beneficial. The key is to ensure that gaming remains part of a broader toolkit for managing mental health and not the only means of escape. Feel free to reach out if you’d like to explore this topic further or discuss how video games—and other coping mechanisms—can fit into a healthy mental health routine.

About The Author

Deanna serves as a LPCC at Ellie Mental Health. My role is to facilitate this process by providing a supportive place. My counseling approach is profoundly shaped by my background in art therapy and my experience with the neurodivergent community. My creative pursuits, including writing, acrylic pours, and mixed media art, deeply influence my therapeutic practice. My personal experience with therapy also significantly informs my approach. I utilize principles from Internal Family Systems, dream work, art therapy, and strength-based therapy to address a wide range of needs, including PTSD, ADHD, life transitions, anxiety, depression, grief, and interpersonal relationships. As a newly graduated counselor, I take great pride in guiding individuals through their journeys of self-discovery and healing. I am committed to helping clients tap into their inherent strength and wisdom, with the belief that everyone has the capacity to overcome life’s challenges. My personal experience with therapy also significantly informs my approach.

Email: deedwards@elliementalhealth.com
Phone: (720)-504-0201