I want to share something that supports me to feel a little more grounded when my fear feels unescapable:

If it feels good to you, you can bring attention to your torso area. Maybe the chest or the stomach.

Maybe drop the shoulders.

Maybe wiggle your feet or toes.

If it feels good to bring attention to your breath you can.

You can also just bring attention to your general personal space.

Breathe three smooth and long waves of breath.

Feel your hands or feet or some part of your body touch another part of your body.

Imagine roots anchored deep and sturdy and benevolent flowing from you to the earth beneath you.

In this moment, you are held and supported.

Breathe in, full, Breathe out, slow.

Take as much time as you need.

When I’m scared, like really scared, what I almost always want is a caring hand to hold.

The great news is that we have such an abundance of caring hands to hold all around us.

May we stand together hand in hand.

May we feel the gentle rise and the fall of our warm animal bodies.

May we connect with one another and the earth that holds us all.

“We share a common interest, survival, and it cannot be pursued in isolation from others simply because their differences make us uncomfortable.” — Audre Lorde

“The way to right wrongs is to turn the light of truth upon them.” – Ida B. Wells

About the Author: Bre Smith (she/they) is a mental health counselor, educator, artist, and writer with a background in psychology and community-based care. Their work centers on trauma-informed, somatic, and ecofeminist approaches to healing, with a focus on nervous system regulation, identity, and relational well-being. Through their writing, Breezy aims to demystify mental health and support more humane, accessible approaches to healing—both inside and outside the therapy room.

One part I especially love working with is the angry part. Not because it’s easy—because it’s honest. Anger wants you to have boundaries. It wants you to say no. It wants you to stop abandoning yourself. But sometimes that angry part is carrying so much that it needs a safe place to let off steam before you can hear what it’s trying to tell you.

I learned a powerful strategy for this from Robyn Shapiro during ego state training: the Anger Room.

At the time, I had a very angry part—more of a social-justice, what-the-actual-hell-is-wrong-with-the-world part. Robyn asked me to visualize a room that was completely soundproof and emotion-proof, meaning nothing leaked outside—not sound, not energy, not emotion. The room could look like anything. I chose a padded room (I’ve always secretly wanted to work in a psych hospital).

Inside that room, my angry part had 3 full minutes to say and do whatever it needed. And it did. I howled internally, collapsed on the floor, slammed my fists, punched the walls, and even turned into a Tasmanian devil—a tiny black tornado spinning around the room. After three minutes, Robyn stopped the exercise. And I felt so much better. Clearer. Grounded. Like something heavy had shifted.

If you want to try this practice, here’s how:

How to Do the Anger Room Exercise

1. Locate your angry part.
   Notice where it sits in your body. What does it look or feel like? What does it want you to know?
   
2. Create the room.
   Visualize a completely soundproof, emotion-proof space. Nothing gets out.
   It can be:
   – grandma’s house
   – a drum practice room
   – a padded psych ward room
   – a rage room
   – literally anything
   
3. Set a timer for 3 minutes.
   In this exercise, each minute represents an hour. Your angry part gets “three hours” inside this room.
   
4. Let your part loose.
   Inside the room, let your angry part do whatever it needs: yell, cry, smash imaginary objects, stomp, spin, flail. Your job is to observe, not interfere.
   
5. Check in afterward.
   Let your part come out of the room. Ask it how it feels. What shifted? What does it need now?
   
6. Ground yourself.
   Do some breathing, stretching, or a calm-place visualization to come fully back into your body.
   

This is a simple exercise, but incredibly effective for people who carry anger that’s been silenced, shamed, or pushed aside. Especially during the holiday season, when old roles and old wounds tend to flare, having a safe internal place for anger to release can make all the difference.

Your angry part isn’t the problem.
It’s the protector.
Let it be heard—safely—and it will help you come back to yourself.

Annabelle Denmark (she/they), MA, LPC is a therapist based in Lakewood, CO, They specialize in trauma informed (Parts work, EMDR and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy) individual therapy for neurodivergent adults and for adults with dissociative disorders

You can find them at https://www.renegadecounseling.com

The holidays are rarely just about the joy, connection, and magic we see in the media. Alongside those pleasant experiences often comes the expectation to do more: consume more, create more, decorate more, cook more. At the same time, nature is slowing down. Shorter days. Colder air. Animals resting. This seasonal mismatch can create stress, tension, guilt, and overwhelm. 

As a holistic therapist in Denver, I often remind clients that this time of year pulls us in opposite directions. So, it makes sense that you may be noticing tension in your mind, body, and spirit.

A Holistic Worldview: Mind, Body & Spirit as One System 

What does it mean to have a “holistic” worldview? Simply put, it’s a perspective that honors cognitive, emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual experiences. It considers the whole system: how we perceive, process, and experience life as complete human beings. 

A holistic approach especially helps explain the mismatch between our “inner winter”—the natural slowing our bodies crave—and the outward cultural expectations of the season. We feel the tension in all parts of ourselves. 

How the Holiday Season Impacts All Parts of Us 

Even if we aren’t fully aware of it, the holiday season pulls on our mind, body, and spirit. As a holistic therapist in Denver, I see how this seasonal tension shows up simultaneously across all areas. Take a moment to reflect on your own experience as we explore each part: 

Mind 

What expectations have you placed on yourself this holiday season? Is there pressure to make things “special” or “perfect”? 

Are you juggling plans, creating experiences, or maintaining peace in your family? 

Body 

When you tune in to your body, what sensations arise during this season? Headaches? Overstimulation? Chronic fatigue? Nervous system overwhelm? 

How is your body experiencing its natural internal winter?

Spirit 

What do your deeper parts crave right now? Meaning? Slowness? Rest? Are you going through the motions, or allowing yourself to be present with the holidays? 

If expectations didn’t exist, how would you like this season to unfold?

Holistic Practices for the Mind 

Mindfulness: Notice when you begin to feel mental overstimulation. Pausing for one slow breath. And then another if it feels supportive. Creative practice: Set a timer for 5 minutes. Make repetitive marks on the page that mimick your racing mind or thoughts. 

Reframing expectations: Become aware of the parts of you that feel responsible or pressured. Reassure then that you are taking care of things, and that not everything has to be done up to their expectations. 

Somatic Practices That Honor Winter While Supporting Holiday Stress 

Nervous system reset: Take a moment to lay on the floor. Notice how it feels to be held and supported by the ground. 

Restorative movement: Starting with your feet, begin to bounce up and down while standing. Then begin shaking your legs, arms, and shoulders to release energy. 

Nature-based grounding: Get bundled up and go on a winter walk. Notice the quiet stillness of nature and connect to the slower rhythm outside. 

Spirit-Nourishing Holiday Practices

Micro-rituals: Create a holiday ritual for yourself to stay connected with spirit—have dinner by candlelight, start a gratitude art journal, or state an affirmation to yourself in the mirror each morning. 

Choosing meaning: Identifying 1–2 meaningful seasonal values that are important to you. Then, act in accordance with those values and use them as your guiding light throughout the season. 

Creative ceremony: Make a holiday decoration or gift by hand (because you enjoy the act of creating). Notice how it feels to be in relationship with your creativity. 

Integrating Mind–Body–Spirit Practices Into a Season That Demands More 

The holidays can feel like an internal tug-of-war. Winter invites us to slow down, yet the season asks us to do more: plan, create, connect, and show up for everyone else. 

Honoring the season, not the pressure, means remembering that resting is natural and nurturing during the winter months. You can make it simple: take a few mindful breaths before tasks, spend 5–10 minutes stretching or grounding your body, and create one small ritual that reconnects you to what matters. Ask yourself, “Which parts of me need rest, even when everything around me is speeding up?” 

When Support Might Help 

If overwhelm starts to feel too heavy or like persistent dread, irritability, or exhaustion, it’s okay to reach out for more support. 

If you’re looking for a holistic therapist in Denver who takes a holistic approach, I support women and moms who want to feel grounded, connected, and more like themselves again.

You don’t have to choose between slowing down and showing up; you can do both, even during the hustle bustle of the holiday season.

About the Author: Leanne is a Denver-based art therapist, perinatal mental health specialist, and space-holder for deep-feeling women and mothers who long to return home to themselves. Blending creativity, mindfulness, and somatic approaches, she guides clients through the sacred work of remembering who they are beneath the noise of trauma, perfectionism, and overwhelm. Discover more at www.WildSunflowerWellness.com.

Nevertheless, there we were in our 4th floor NYC apartment that faced another building and had only 2 hours of sun each day. I was coming out of the kitchen and he from the entryway and we stopped near each other in the living room. While I do not remember what he actually said, what the topic was, or even the general words, I do remember that I looked at him, saw him grinning with mirth and mischievousness and true to form, my mind leapt to anger … until the idea dropped in … “or laugh.” In that moment, it was instantly clear each was a viable option, one not better than the other, and each felt natural. I experienced the clarity of choice … the openness of mind that could lead to same old, same old … or to something new.

I chose to laugh. It was that simple. The anger dissipated as quickly as it had arisen and for the first time in probably a long time we connected and enjoyed the humor of his quirky observational abilities. Did it save our marriage? No. Alas, it was only one moment in a million others that were fraught with reaction, and not response. However, I did walk away from that encounter knowing, from my own direct experience, that when given the chance, I could take a beat and see a choice in how to respond.

This is an invaluable skill, indeed, it is what the Buddha pointed to as skillful action, one of the factors on the Eightfold Path. While the Zen monastery where I studied was short on scripture, it was long on practice, and while staying there, I went for extended periods without any immediate input from others. It was silent, talking only happened at specific times/places and I had a lot of chances to see how the mind conjectured all sorts of things like, how the monks were secretly partying in a hermitage while I cleaned the bathrooms. I can not say this was definitively not true (probably wasn’t), however, what I do know is that the torture my mind put me through by persisting in this thought was truly painful. And the only person it impacted? Me.

About midway through my monastery experience (which lasted several years), the phrase “wait … for … it,” dropped in. It became my mantra for many of my future stays. After all, there was no one to ask to confirm my worst suspicions when something did, or did not, happen. And even if I did ask, the typical response (and I do believe these were responses) was to point me, inward, an invitation for me to reflect on why I had leapt to such a conclusion. This was my practice for a long time, to find the space between an event and my mind’s typical reaction, to actually consider a myriad of other possible reasons something did or did not happen. In this way, I began to cultivate an openness of mind which could allow me to respond.

Which brings me to just the other day. While moving paint from one place to another, a can dropped and popped open, spilling the gorgeous blue color from my bathroom onto a multi-hued rug which, also had a similar blue in it along with beautiful tones of pinks, oranges and greens. I picked up the can as quickly as I could, and stood for a moment, just looking. This was the “wait for it,” the taking a beat without reacting. In Buddhist parlance, it was a moment of accepting “this is what is here right now.”

In such “catastrophe moments,” I can now recognize how the deep practice at the monastery built a foundation of clarity and openness of mind. I did not leap to anguish, recrimination, or shaming myself. I did recognize that it wasn’t the best idea to stack the cans on an unstable trolley (an example of discernment, more later). I did offer to my heart that the worst case scenario would be I’d have to purchase a new rug. Once I allowed myself to see that the main harm was a dent in my pocketbook, I stared at the pooling paint and let my mind play with different options of how to proceed. (Indeed, a very wise person I know relayed an old family wisdom to me, “If money can fix the problem, it’s not a problem.” Then, it’s just an issue with how we see money – another blog!). This ability to look at a situation without judgement is what I call discernment, an equanimous state of mind able to evaluate all angles without attachment to any single one, and choose appropriately. This is of huge help when wanting to respond, rather than react. Do this? my mind proposed. No. This? Nope. Perhaps this? Perhaps.

Now, I did say, the mind discerned. In the Dhammapada, the Buddha offers that a well-trained mind is more supportive than a loving parent. And an untrained mind is more harmful than an enemy. While the mind is often stuck in reaction, it can be trained to take a beat … wait for it … to discern and evaluate a situation, and be of invaluable help in responding. For me, this is the whole point of spiritual practice. Rather than the mind tanking me with objections, resistance and fears, I want it to be a supportive friend and mentor, a tool that can help me weigh options with clarity and kindness. It is, in essence, the tail I wag rather than it wagging me.

Back to the paint spill. I finally settled on a putty knife, disposable food container, a bowl of soapy water, a scrub brush, and the final, pièce de résistance, the Bissell Green Machine. As I performed each step, I noticed a slight tendency of the mind to pull toward despair and I would simply bring it back to the task at hand. When all was said and done, as I stood up and looked at the rug, I realized that the area with the spill now looked cleaner than the rest of the rug. The mind was completely surprised.

A quote from one of my online accounts is, “In the end, everything is good. If it’s not good, it’s not the end.” My blog on binge-watching discusses this ad nauseam. True equanimity in life is recognizing there is never any end. To lament over how things stand in this moment, is to believe that this moment lasts forever. It doesn’t. The nature of nature … is to change. The nature of humans, is to change. The nature of the universe, is to expand. The nature of the mind … well, again, it can get stuck in ruts of despair, grousing, catastrophizing, complacency, and a host of other states however, with practice, it can be trained to instead respond, be open, curious, kind, patient and more than anything, accepting.

Which leads to freedom. When we are free from fear, clinging, aversion, doubt, we become capable of encountering all the ills of the world without taking them personally. In this way, we can be of tremendous help and assistance. The Buddha was clear … he would not teach how to end suffering if he did not think people could do it. Building this confidence in our capacity to act skillfully, with compassion, and without judgement is something I wish for everyone. From such a place, rather than avoiding situations, conjecturing the worst about others and the world, or reacting from the well-worn grooves of the mind, we can instead respond, take a beat, wait … for … it — for more information, for clarifying details, for other options to present themselves. Such acceptance is far from complacency. It is the beginning of wisdom.

About the Author: Beth Hinnen came to the spiritual path from the corporate world. After experiencing impermanence and greed, she left to study Yoga and has over 1,000 hours in Yoga teacher training, and ended up specializing in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, spiritual scripture that closely aligns with Buddhism. From there, she studied Zen Buddhism for over ten years, including in-person, month-long monastic retreats, until she earned certification, in January, 2023, as a Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. Currently, Beth is a co-leader of the IMCD Council, and on the Teachers Collective, as administrator. She hosts a Meetup group called Yoga Meets Buddhism, and for the past three years, has held an online Dharma Wednesdays class that discusses the Yoga Sutras while also bringing in Buddhist teachings, along with Sufi poets, Christianity, Judaism and other spiritual paths that reinforce the words of Sri Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga where Beth studied. “The truth is one, the paths are many.” More information about Beth is at www.samayaco.org.

This is not my voice that whispers to me 
In the deep recesses of my Heart. 

This is not my voice that calms the stirring torrent 
Welling up as “I” try to quiet my Mind. 

The sense of a small “my” standing against 
The ever-moving force of The Infinite. 

The sense of a small “I”, thinking it could 
Possess something as large as… 

My sense of you. 

This is not my Voice, it’s Yours. 

We have touched on Belief’s and how they impact the nervous system and how they can stop a person dead in their tracks. Over recent times some of us may have experienced despair with the outcome of the elections, others elation and excitement. It is important to recognize that we have a choice in what the texture of our experience is and not give in to the whims of the environment around us. 

Some might think, “did I do something wrong”. To those that thought this the answer is NO. All things present are supposed to be here and it is simply a call to stand. Don’t lose your ground. It reminds me of a book titled The Synaptic Self by Joseph LeDoux. He goes on to posit that on the surface of the cell membrane there are receptor cites that are associated with our name. So, after we hear our name repeatedly, our body gets accustomed to the associations directed at us. I’m convinced this is the reason a spiritual teacher will assign a Spiritual name to redirect the devotee’s focus on the Spiritual. 

Much has been written in the past twenty or so years in the field of Somatics that has opened our eyes to a realm of human function not understood so clearly in years hence. Thomas Hanna says it clearly, in his book titled SOMATICS (Addison-Wesley, 1988), when he refers to the Greek word SOMA which means “living body”. He goes on to say that the field of SOMATICS is based on the premise that people are “self aware, self-sensing self- moving and self- responsible beings” and “capable of making changes”. Therefore, the field of SOMATICS empowers the individual to be the guide on an internal process only available to the outside observer if the person chooses to share it. This is a radical shift from medicine as we know it. Pioneers in the field would include, but are not limited to Ida Rolf, Randolph Stone, Stanley Keleman, (need more names). 

More recently, in the field of Psychoneuroimmunology, there has been discovered a profound relationship between the body and brain, and more broadly, the Mind, that sheds light on a multilevel integration that makes the workings of human life seem miraculous. These discoveries have occurred because science, as we know it, has acquired the capability to explore what the more ancient, pre-science, healers had discovered in their meditations and intuitions millenniums ago. I’m referring here to Deepak Chopra’s work in his book Quantum Healing (Bantam, 1990) and his references to the Upanishads and Ayruvedic Medicine of India. Dr. Chopra, in essence, brings the field of the healing arts “up to date” about what we intend to approach when dealing with human maladies, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

In the previous paragraph, I made the distinction between the brain and Mind. This distinction is an important one because I see their functions as very different. The brain, an organ in the body, carries out the tasks of operating bodily functions. The Mind, on the other hand, operates in a more global and integrative. By global, I am alluding to that aspect of human consciousness that seems mysterious in some ways, and certainly open to scientific scrutiny, that witness’ life in its entire complex vicissitudes. Not only does it witness, it has also been found to influence life profoundly. These effects include inexplicable reversions of fatal diseases, such as cancer, disappearing tumors and so forth that medical science won’t even get close to. 

About the Author: Chardin has been an Adjunct Practitioner at People House since 1998. He is the creator of Advanced Body Therapeutics (ABT). It is a new orientation of creating synergy in the body systems.  ABT uses assessment tools from Osteopathic Theory, Chinese Five Element Theory, Applied Kinesiology, Yoga Therapy, Polyvagal Theory, and Structural Therapies to determine the relationship of the metabolic systems of the body as well as address common structural issues related to stress or trauma.

The goal in his body work is to create balance in the body and neutralize the polyvagal responses. In doing so, it reduces pain, calms emotion upset, and strengthens the immune system.

Chardin’s web address is www.abtherapeutics.net

What if I told you that you can train your brain to slow down, like a diver gently surfacing from the depths of the ocean? With mindful attention, you can regain clarity and focus by progressively slowing down your mind and body. The method I’ll describe is a simple yet powerful exercise that requires nothing more than your gaze and a willingness to take things slow. It’s a practice that can be particularly helpful for ADHDers or anyone feeling chaotic, overwhelmed, or in need of grounding.

The Exercise: Mindful Gaze for Calming Focus

This practice helps you shift from a state of frantic distraction to focused calm by simply observing your surroundings in a slow, deliberate manner. It’s a bit like doing a mental reset, allowing you to gently reel your attention back in.

Step 1: Start with 5 Things You Can See

To begin, pick a comfortable spot in your environment—your office, a room, even outdoors—where you can observe without interruptions. Let your eyes softly scan the room and choose five objects around you.

For the first object, settle your gaze on it. Really look at it. Tell yourself, “I have nothing else to do but focus on this one object.” For the next 5 seconds, allow yourself to just see it. Pay attention to its details—its color, shape, texture, even shadows or light that touch it. Don’t rush this. You only have this one task.

Step 2: Transition Slowly to the Second Object

When you’re ready to move on, do so slowly. Let your gaze travel softly from the first object to the second one. As your attention lands on the second object, take your time. This time, allow yourself 8 seconds to observe it. Again, remind yourself, “There’s nothing else to do right now except focus on this object.”

Take in the details with your eyes. Notice if your body starts to feel a bit calmer, as though you’re gently moving through water. With each passing second, you might feel the rush of urgency begin to quiet.

Step 3: Slower Still for the Third Object

As you transition to the third object, slow down even further. Take your time to let your gaze shift from the second object to the third. Once you land on it, spend 10 seconds soaking in the details. There’s nothing else to do but observe. No rush. No pressure. Just quiet, focused attention.

You’re progressively teaching your mind to slow down by stretching the space between tasks, just like a diver pausing between stages of ascent to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Step 4: Continue Until You Feel Calm

You can continue this process with the fourth and fifth objects, extending the time spent with each new focus point. Or, if you start to feel calmer after the third or fourth object, that’s okay too. The point is to progress slowly and allow your mind to catch up with the present moment.

Beyond Sight: Exploring Other Senses

Once you complete the visual portion of this mindfulness activity, you can extend the practice to other senses. For example, focus on four things you can smell, or three things you can hear, progressively slowing down as you move between each.

This exercise is not about achieving a specific outcome but about cultivating a mindful state where you feel grounded and focused, in your body and in the present. For ADHDers, sensory-sensitive folks, or anyone who feels scattered, it’s a powerful way to calm your brain and refocus your energy. Give yourself the gift of slowing down, one gaze at a time.

About the Author: Annabelle Denmark (she/they), MA, LPCC is a therapist based in Lakewood, CO, They specialize in individual therapy for neurodivergent adults, working with complex PTSD, grief, anxiety and depression. You can find them at www.renegadecounseling.com

            The Buddha’s First Noble Truth lays it out very clearly. There is suffering. While I disagree with the translation, “Life is suffering,” as I believe I have experienced the absolute joy and bliss that life can offer, I also contend that life is neither suffering nor bliss when lived from an enlightened state, or when lived with awareness and compassion. It is simply an acceptance of “this is how it is,” and its our perception of events that make them painful or not painful. (As an aside, I believe enlightened folks feel a sense of deep joy constantly, but the source is inside, not from the outside.)

            When I first heard the expression, “there are no mistakes,” from my old Zen teacher, I thought she was nuts. On the one hand, a part of me was thrilled to hear there are no mistakes, that Life offered me a proverbial “get out of jail free” card no matter what I did. On the other hand, the folly is that if important lessons go unlearned, we will continue to make the same choices that don’t turn out so well (i.e. what we normally call mistakes). The reason there are no mistakes, especially if we look at life as a spiritual journey, is because we take every misstep as an opportunity to learn — to learn about life, other people, and most importantly, ourselves.

            When the Buddha was teaching about the First Noble Truth, he said to his students, “to grasp this truth, suffering must be fully known.” Meaning, we can’t avoid suffering (though it is far from being the only experience in life) and we all know what suffering is — the searing pain of a knife cut; the heart vacuum of losing a loved one; the utter regret of choosing something that felt good in the moment, and later turned out to be deeply painful, to ourselves and/or others. The real trick then, to know suffering fully, is to be able to completely enter the pain, despair, remorse, anger, fear and numbness that causes our suffering. Only when we fully know it inside and out — the depth, breadth and width of the suffering we encounter — will be able to see how the Second Noble Truth is true: that suffering is caused by craving.

            Craving what, you ask. Well, while cravings might take the form of different objects, ideas, or people, underneath it all, I speculate that what we are all craving is to be loved, accepted, seen and heard. Only, to say that, and even more challenging, to feel such vulnerability and complete humanity, is not only frightening, it can be down right life threatening. And I don’t mean in a physical sense, I mean in an emotional and mental sense. We are taught early on through the Western ideal of individualism that we are islands, that we can be self-sufficient and utterly independent. And in doing so, we can not then admit our desire (see my blogs on desire and the positive spiritual interpretation of this word) to be connected, seen, in relationship with others, whether others are people, pets, trees, water, trash, diseases, and a host of other objects we come into contact with minute by minute.

            So rather than being in relationship, we instead crave to possess things, places, people, objects. They are ours, and not independent (even though we are, go figure). And herein lies the rub. Because we can’t actually possess things, and I mean this in a way of taking them into our bodies and making them us (other than food which is a miraculous process), we are forever buying, collecting, gathering things and people around us to fill some kind of hole deep inside, and in so doing, we end up wreaking havoc. Such a hole will never be filled by material objects. I’ve yet to hear of a wealthy person say, “yep, $40 million is enough.” I mean marketing is built on buying, obtaining more. Potato chip, anyone?

            It makes sense, then, that possession is nine-tenths of the law. If its in our hands, someone has to take it from us if they want it. This compounds the materialistic view that permeates not just the Western world anymore, but everywhere that has internet which publicizes wealth and obtaining as a noble goal. While we are trying to fill the hole, what we are really doing is creating more suffering by acquiring things, bling, people, jobs, spaceships, immortality that in the end, can not satisfy our deepest craving, to be loved, accepted, seen and heard.

            Which brings us back to spiritual bypassing. Instead of acknowledging and addressing the deep hole inside that calls out for care, love and belonging, we buy things, pop in and out of relationships, binge watch Netflix (guilty), eat indiscriminately (guilty), drink even more so (in recovery), and never get to the root of the issue. Everything that is here in our experience is really to keep pointing us back to the reality that we are Divine Intelligence, Christ Consciousness, Buddha-Nature. Such words are pointing to something ineffable, untouchable, eternal and unchanging. It can not be comprehended by the mind, it can only be experienced by the heart.

            This is why spiritual bypassing is so big in the spiritual world. We explain away our hurt and pain through spiritual concepts rather than sitting in the muck of resentment, loss, despair and anger. And because we are adept with all the teachings, it becomes even easier to call on them to explain away our hurt and anger. Saying fancy words, and bringing up difficult concepts as ideas gives us a way to intellectualize the pain and suffering without feeling it.

            For instance, let’s say I interact with a friend and the conversation gets heated and I say something that is hurtful. And let’s say my friend has enough courage and fortitude (and perhaps balance and equanimity) to call it out. Perhaps taken aback, I look at this dear one and say, “Oh, my bad. That was Mara (the Lord of illusion and delusion) talking. I got caught in papanca (a whirlwind of thoughts) and said the first thing that came to mind.” Certainly, I get points for having the Pali words roll so easily off my tongue, and more points for so quickly addressing the hurtful language with spiritual concepts, but such a reaction has done nothing to heal the relationship between me and my friend.

            However, the hurt started before that. Where my spiritual practice actually needs to begin is the moment I felt heat in the conversation. If I had really been practicing, I would have noticed my skin prickling, my heart feeling heavy, my mind begin the papanca. And because of my deeply ingrained practice, I would know that it was here I felt injured, or triggered. It might have been something my friend said, it could have been the topic itself, it could have been a combination. And while a part of me might want to leap to blame and outwardly project the hurt, as a spiritual practitioner I would instead focus intensely on my own inner state and attend to that. This is the old, put on your own oxygen mask first. Even if I didn’t break the conversation, I could internally take a deep breath, mentally put a hand on my heart, acknowledge to myself that something was amiss, and recognize the internal hurt, frustration, confusion, whatever the emotion was that began bubbling up for me during the conversation. And the beauty is, I don’t have to get my friend to see or understand this. As long as I see it, I can attend to it.

            From there, I might be able to chose different words, to exit gracefully from the conversation, to ask my friend to pause a moment for me to consider my response. Once, in a heated argument with a boyfriend at the time, I fell quiet. He finally yelled at me, asking me why I wasn’t engaging with him and I calmly replied, “because I’m staying present so I don’t get angry.” The whole argument was over right then. We both took deep breaths and resumed the conversation in a more kind manner.

            While we learn wonderful concepts about suffering, the point of spiritual practice is to get out of it and not simply be able to name it. Where we change how we are in the world is internally first, giving all of us a chance to see our adequacy, to know our capacity for love, kindness, relationships, and connection. We no longer have to bypass because we know how to go straight into the pain, how to care for it, and how to come out the other side feeling whole.

About the Author: Beth Hinnen came to the spiritual path from the corporate world. After experiencing impermanence and greed, she left to study Yoga and has over 1,000 hours in Yoga teacher training, and ended up specializing in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, spiritual scripture that closely aligns with Buddhism. From there, she studied Zen Buddhism for over ten years, including in-person, month-long monastic retreats, until she earned certification, in January, 2023, as a Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. Currently, Beth is a co-leader of the IMCD Council, and on the Teachers Collective, as administrator. She hosts a Meetup group called Yoga Meets Buddhism, and for the past three years, has held an online Dharma Wednesdays class that discusses the Yoga Sutras while also bringing in Buddhist teachings, along with Sufi poets, Christianity, Judaism and other spiritual paths that reinforce the words of Sri Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga where Beth studied. “The truth is one, the paths are many.” More information about Beth is at www.samayaco.org.

Accessing new information from the field of Epigenetics we can get a clearer picture on how the “organism” manages this. I refer to it as the “organism” because what we’re working with here is the “cellular community” (Bruce Lipton, Biology of Perception). You see, it’s about the cell and its survival and to accomplish this, the cell picks up information from the environment (via the neurochemistry of perception), establishes what needs to happen, and manufactures the appropriate neurochemistry for response. Perception is based on what we “believe” the situation is. Perception Theory describes perception as the conglomerate of all our sensate information fed into different areas of our brain then we make our “best guess“ at what we are seeing. 

This is where it gets tricky. A good example is some of the Projective Tests used in Psychological Assessment. Let’s take the Thematic Apperception Test first. The client is presented a picture of a scene like someone sitting next to a bed with a person in the bed. Show this scene to 20 different people and you may get 20 different stories about what is going on based on the experience of the person viewing the scene. The scene is seen as loaded with emotion and is interpreted in several different ways. Another good one is the Rorschach Ink Blots, rarely does someone say, “it’s an ink blot” and if they did, they would probably be diagnosed sociopathic. 

What did our “family culture” teach us about the world and our experience? I saw a recent quote in an email from Einstein: “Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality that you want, and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.” This really points to the need of what’s known as a “paradigm shift”. What we are taught at an early age is not the full truth about what the world is and, for most, there is no challenge to make such a shift until their “world gets rocked”. Now, remember the issue of perception, we don’t see actual objects, we don’t hear actual sounds, we don’t smell actual smells, we don’t taste actual tastes, we don’t touch actual objects, we receive various forms of information that is processed in the brain then we make our best guess. It’s amazing that we can navigate the environment and operate in the world with everybody “making their best guess”. I used to think that the story of “The Tower of Babel” was about the various languages and cultures on the planet (he spread them to all the corners of the world and gave them different tongues), but now I’m inclined to believe this story a vision of the workings of perception and the “Tower of Babel” is in our heads. 

So, here we are at thinking as a dissociative process, wondering how in the world can we actually “know” anything. Whenever we “separate a group of mental processes from the rest of the mind” we are not in contact with the world; we are lost in our own world. Whenever I cannot break free of my assumptions of the world based on my own belief structure, my thoughts can be only dissociative. The answer to the question about “knowing” is we can’t “know” exactly what we perceive, we make our best guess, and if our action and choice are in harmony with “unity” we won’t tread on another harmfully. I believe that what Meditation attempts to teach us is slow down, pay attention to our breath, come to now, and act compassionately. To do so is to promote life in myself and the world and realize that everyone is making their best guess. 

About the Author: Chardin has been an Adjunct Practitioner at People House since 1998. He is the creator of Advanced Body Therapeutics (ABT). It is a new orientation of creating synergy in the body systems.  ABT uses assessment tools from Osteopathic Theory, Chinese Five Element Theory, Applied Kinesiology, Yoga Therapy, Polyvagal Theory, and Structural Therapies to determine the relationship of the metabolic systems of the body as well as address common structural issues related to stress or trauma.

The goal in his body work is to create balance in the body and neutralize the polyvagal responses. In doing so, it reduces pain, calms emotion upset, and strengthens the immune system.

Chardin’s web address is www.abtherapeutics.net

The best way to describe it would be for you to recall a stressful moment. Maybe it was in a relationship with a friend, or a co-worker, or your child. Take a moment, as you recall a situation and feel the sensation that arises in your body. Notice where this sensation arises and be present with it and breathe. Breathe into it and notice what happens when you just allow it to be there.

Recall is a beautiful tool. It’s like the built in code that allows us memories. For survival purposes, some memories save our lives, allowing us to make choices that keep us safe. On the other hand, some don’t function so well, stopping us in our tracks and freezing us from moving forward.

Now what

How do we tell the difference between functional memory and dysfunctional. It lies in the breath. If it causes a state of breathlessness then it’s the body telling us to stop and take notice. This is an important step because when stress ensues, blood supply is taken away from the vital organs, the heart, the lungs, digestive organs, and the brain. Blood is shunted off to the muscles, preparing us for “fight/flight”. You may have noticed, a person under stress doesn’t make clear and effective choices.

You have probably noticed these kinds of experiences in your life. After all the organism is geared toward survival. Whenever a “threat” is perceived, the organism responds with an “alarm”. That “alarm” is rooted in sensation. It’s like looking in your mirror and seeing a police car. This response is set off by beliefs we have related to good, bad, danger, or self-perception. When these show up, the most important message from our body is to take notice.

Let’s practice. Recall a situation that asked you to take notice. Now, this doesn’t have to be a situation of risk. We so easily take this path. It could be one of reverie, or excitement. Whatever it is, be present with it. Notice any subtle nuances, where does the sensation show up in the body, is it in one place or numerous places, like the constellations in the night sky. Don’t try to understand it, or deny it, just be with it. It’s a good idea to take notes when doing this exercise because once you leave the sensation, it is easily forgotten, like a dream.

The science

What is going on in the body, and why does it show up like this? As we experience the world, in those vulnerable moments as a newborn child, we are raw to our sensation, all our senses are open to discovery. With no words it is merely sensation. The nervous system is setting the stage for perception.

Perception theory states it like this, we experience through all the senses, sight, sound, smell, and touch. This information is delivered to various areas of the brain, sorted out, then we make our “best guess”. So, in essence, everybody on the planet is doing this.

So, we collect all the sensations and as the environment feeds back to us, through our “primary” care givers, words to associate with sensations we are expressing. Now, this is where it gets tricky. What if the face of the baby is contorted with what is assumed to be discomfort. What might be gas in the belly is named anger and the care giver says “oh, don’t be angry”. The baby, through association, registers anger. Two things happen here, one, the sensation is categorized as anger, and the suppression is introduced by the word “don’t”. The belly begins to cramp.

This is a simplistic example and as we move through the blog you will learn the essence of how the experiences and our responses get set into motion and how it is set up as patterns on response. Every time we get into stressful situations there is a patterned way we respond. This shows up in our language, in our tone of voice, and expression on our face. It is said it takes 1,000 frowns to create a wrinkle.

About the Author: Chardin has been an Adjunct Practitioner at People house since 1998. He is the creator of Advanced Body Therapeutics (ABT). It is a new orientation of creating synergy in the body systems.  ABT uses assessment tools from Osteopathic Theory, Chinese Five Element Theory, Applied Kinesiology, Yoga Therapy, Polyvagal Theory, and Structural Therapies to determine the relationship of the metabolic systems of the body as well as address common structural issues related to stress or trauma.

The goal in his body work is to create balance in the body and neutralize the polyvagal responses. In doing so, it reduces pain, calms emotion upset, and strengthens the immune system.

Chardin’s web address is www.abtherapeutics.net

And when that happens, inevitably I come into contact with all manner of ground — pavement, dirt, ice, snow, rocks, gravel, weeds, grass, dog poop, broken glass, trash. You name it, it’s out there lying around. Hence, the shoes.

However, it’s not only that. I could breeze through my day with a good pair of shoes except, I come into contact with something not so easy to deal with. Yep … people. In shops, on the street, my dentist, family and friends, people running, partying, on their phones, young, old, kind, obnoxious, indifferent, smelly, perfumed, dressed, barely dressed (some on purpose, some not), happy, grumpy, sneezy (oh wait, that’s a Disney movie). In any case, going out into the world leads to all sorts of different experiences. I could leave my house happy as a clam and within five minutes be ranting at everything, and everyone, around me about the injustices and degradations, the harms and the (in)humanity (my favorite line from Toy Story).

What I need is a really good pair of shoes for my soul.

The ancient master, Shantideva, offered:

Where would I find enough leather
To cover the entire surface of the earth.
But with leather soles beneath my feet.
It’s as if the whole world has been covered

Or, if you ascribe to a vegan lifestyle:

It’s easier to put on a pair of slippers than carpet the entire world.
(Attributed to Al Franken. Right? I know!)

When we consider what the Buddha taught as the First Noble Truth, that life inherently contains suffering, he wasn’t being a Debbie-downer, he was simply stating a fact that because humans get sick, age and die, we would all at some point live through loss — of health, youth, and eventually life itself, ours or others. Not only that, we would also experience failure, disappointment, breakups, natural disasters, human-made disasters, you name it, we’ve all been touched by sadness and grief at some point in our lives. And this quote recognizes what we all know to be a truth; we can’t make the external world a paradise where none of that happens (i.e. carpeting the world).

Except, it seems like that’s what’s expected. If everyone thought the way I do, acted the way I do, was interested in what I liked, then I could talk with everyone about the same things, make the same jokes, laugh about the same gaffes. I wouldn’t take offense, I could relax, and know that everyone is like me and I’d never get triggered. In essence, the world would not only be carpeted, but it’d be one that I picked out and really, really liked. And yet, not only is that not the way it works, I project we would immediately get bored (as Mr. Smith tells Morpheus in The Matrix — the computers tried to make human life conflict-free but the program kept crashing.)

What we are left with then, is finding a good pair of shoes for our souls, a way to protect and support our very being so that whatever anyone else does or says would be inconsequential to how we view ourselves. It sounds challenging. Someone might ask, “wait a minute, even when a person praises me, or tells me how wonderful I am, I’m supposed to ignore that?” Nope. Rather, if no one tells you that, you still have the inner sense of being praiseworthy and wonderful. Even better is, if someone flips you off while driving, you can wish them a nice day.

This is the true idea of self-worthiness. It is an internal knowing that you are capable, competent, loveable, beautiful and wonderful, no matter the external circumstances, not your body shape, hair color, foot size, career or relationship status, net income, property ownership, or how many friends and family you have. We build our soul shoes by recognizing that what the world thinks of us is nothing compared to what we think of us. Buddhism teaches impermanence, how the world around us constantly changes. To rely on others to reflect our worthiness puts us at the mercy of constantly changing opinions, responses, and moods of everyone else, which social media is on steroids, given our addiction to clicks and “likes.” No wonder the appeal of a carpeted world!

Instead, if we can turn inward and begin to experience an innate sense of wholeness, we can start to build some soul shoes. Mine have taken years to craft (and are still a work in progress!). Mindfulness and meditation help me see situations with clarity and courage; trauma healing has helped me rely on my own capacity to soothe and nourish myself; joining a sangha of like-hearted people has helped me test out my soul shoes and see where I need more padding, or stronger laces. Ultimately, I want to be able to have conversations with people of different ideologies, political leanings, senses of humor, social and economic backgrounds, and feel completely at home, no matter what is said or done. And of course soul shoes can help you walk away from harm, or if yours have spikes like mine, help you stand your ground and ask one more question or point out inelegant behavior in the most nonjudgmental way.

The answer to our heartbreak of feeling like the world is a cruel and uncaring place is not to force the world to change for us, rather, it is to walk in the world fearlessly and show others that malice does not earn the reward of our compliance. After Gandalf said, “Fly, you fools!” he put on his soul shoes, let go of the broken walkway and flew to confront the Balrog. I expect my soul shoes will help me feel and work more like Gandalf, rather than feel and look like the Balrog after Gandalf smote him at the bottom of Middle Earth.

About the Author: Beth Hinnen came to the spiritual path from the corporate world. After experiencing impermanence and greed, she left to study Yoga and has over 1,000 hours in Yoga teacher training, and ended up specializing in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, spiritual scripture that closely aligns with Buddhism. From there, she studied Zen Buddhism for over ten years, including in-person, month-long monastic retreats, until she earned certification, in January, 2023, as a Mindfulness and Meditation Teacher with Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach. Currently, Beth is a co-leader of the IMCD Council, and on the Teachers Collective, as administrator. She hosts a Meetup group called Yoga Meets Buddhism, and for the past three years, has held an online Dharma Wednesdays class that discusses the Yoga Sutras while also bringing in Buddhist teachings, along with Sufi poets, Christianity, Judaism and other spiritual paths that reinforce the words of Sri Swami Satchidananda, the founder of Integral Yoga where Beth studied. “The truth is one, the paths are many.” More information about Beth is at www.samayaco.org.